If you couldn’t tell by the wild cackling coming from Madonna’s home, the Malawian Supreme Court has officially ruled in favor of Madonna’s application for adopting Mercy James. Travel arrangements still need to be made, but Madonna should be getting her baby in three to five days. Rush delivery costs extra.

In the near future, rich people will be able to do all this online. They’ll have a list of babies you can choose from with videos and you can just check off the ones you want and then pay with PayPal. It’d be less of a hassle. Why should famous people have to fly to some third world country just to buy a kid. We’re in a recession.

Last we left Madonna, her attempted adoption of Mercy from Malawi was blocked by a judge who cited an outdated law that she hadn’t lived in the state for 18 months and therefore couldn’t adopt. She’s been appealing the decision ever since and now she’s finally going to get that baby.

“The paperwork is being typed up now.

“All recommendations are in favour of the adoption taking place. Mercy should start packing her bags. She’s off to America.”

A close friend of Madonna said: “She’s ecstatic.

“She made a promise that she wouldn’t give up on Mercy and, believe me, she could move mountains when she’s this determined.”

This is great. Another African baby for her collection. One that she will pay a nanny to love and cherish while every once in a treating it to her cold, hard embrace. Being hugged by Madonna must feel like being grabbed by that claw you win stuffed animals with.

The father of Mercy James, James Kambewa, who has never met his daughter says the outfit Madonna wore at the Costume Institute Gala is proof enough that she isn’t fit to adopt his daughter. Once again, the daughter he’s never seen. James snapped his fingers and said:

“I cannot imagine how this woman can want to be the mother of my Mercy.

“This can’t be a woman of 50. A teenage woman would feel ashamed in that gear.

“A woman is supposed to be a role model for her daughters.

“What morals can a woman of 50 have, who has no qualms in showing her delicate parts and displaying herself like that in front of her children?

“I don’t want my daughter anywhere near such a moral-less person.”

By delicate parts, I think he’s referring to her thigh. And in some strange way, I agree with him. Madonna shouldn’t be revealing any of her gnarled body parts. It’s disturbing and an affront to humanity.

Still, James isn’t one to talk. Later on he was asked to pick his daughter from a line-up. He chose an ox. Told that this was not his daughter, James, licking his lips, asked, “I still get to keep her, right?”