Michelle Rodriguez was spotted in a bikini in Sardinia chatting with a fancy gentleman in a speedo. Oh, yes, it was a banner day for Michelle Rodriguez as it would have been for anyone else.

Good news for fans of Michelle Rodriguez in a bikini. Here’s Michelle Rodriguez in a bikini! She went stand up paddleboarding. A seemingly lonely and boring sport. Maybe we can make it more exciting by having sharks circle around the paddleboarders and see how fast they can paddle to safety.

Michelle Rodriguez spent the weekend in Cannes because that’s where all the celebrities are right now. Since she didn’t have anything to promote (I don’t know, maybe she did?), she went swimming and diving at Eden Roc hotel.

Not so much news in itself but her bikini bottom half fell off, and she was clutching her breasts in a lot of the photos and her friend was kind of hot. In summation, if you put your hand over the top half of these pictures, this Monday will have started out great.

Michelle Rodriguez may never win an Oscar but that didn’t stop her from going to the afterparty at the Supper Club in an almost see-through dress. Actually, that’s not fair to say. Her work in the Fast and Furious series will always be remembered. After all, how can we forget a franchise that brought us her, Paul Walker AND Vin Diesel?

Michelle Rodriguez was in Cannes over the weekend getting drunk. Fame says she returned to her room at the Holiday Inn after a night at VIP Room with not a care in the world. Except for where she was going to puke that night. Would it be her toilet, the lobby or the elevator. Decisions, decisions.

[Fame]

Never invite Michelle Rodriguez to a wedding. Her best friend and manager, Giancarlo Chersich, made that mistake and all his guests paid the price.

Page Six says that at the welcome dinner at Casa de Campo Resort in the Dominican Republic, Rodriguez began pushing fully clothed guests into the pool. The following night, she called the stripper at the bachelorette party fat and said he had a small — Page Six bleeps this part out but I assume — penis. The fun didn’t stop there for the stripper though.

Rodriguez was ticked off when the dancer asked for a volunteer at the beginning of his routine and then made the willing babe kneel down. “That’s bull[bleep],” the sexy star yelled. “He should be kneeling for her; this is a bachelorette party.”

As the stripper began gyrating and pushing his crotch into the bride-to-be’s face, Rodriguez yelled, “This is the kind of thing that brings out the bisexual in me.” She left in a huff.

Rodriguez seems to be able to be pissed off easily. If she were to run over a kid with her car, she’d step out and yell at them for not avoiding her car fast enough. You could spread peanut butter on a sandwich and she’d yell at you for doing it the wrong way and it’d somehow turn into you being a bigot. So if you want to have fun, don’t invite Michelle Rodriguez. But, if you want to be absolutely miserable, then by all means, invite her.

Michelle Rodriguez was spotted at the Mayfair Hotel and Spa in Coconut Grove, Fla. shouting at an unidentified acquaintance over the weekend. Guests at the hotel say they woke up at 9 a.m. Sunday morning to loud banging and Michelle screaming at her roommate to let her in or else she wouldn’t get her sex toy back.

“I woke up Sunday morning to the sounds of two women yelling, and one of them was smashing the door knocker very loudly,” one exhausted guest tells us. “I peeked out and saw it was [Rodriguez]. She’s screaming, ‘Open up, let me in, b——!’”

The loud knocking continued for another five minutes, says the source, until the “Girlfight” star hollered, “If you don’t open up, you’re not getting your [pleasure toy] back.” The door creaked open.

10 points to whoever guesses what the toy was. I’m thinking strap-on, although I can also picture Michelle as a dildo type of girl. In any case, sex with Michelle must be scary. She always looks angry. She seems like the type of person that’ll bring a titanium dildo to an orgy and go psycho, rupturing a few organs here and there. See Michelle, this is why no one invites you anymore.

‘Girlfight’ meets toy story for Michelle Rodriguez [NYDN]

Latina interviewed the sexually elusive Michelle Rodriguez and asked if she dug chicks. As expected, she gave a cryptic response.

First, she lets everyone know she’s repulsed that people want details about what she does with her vagina.

“What the majority of [people] want to know is what I’m doing with my vagina, and I think that that’s sick,” she says over the phone from New Zealand, where she’s shooting the new James Cameron film Avatar. “What do you care who I’m dating? I can tell when somebody just wants to know about sex. And it makes me sick.”

Michelle then toots her own horn calling herself unique and tough.

“I think that they wonder because I’m such a tomboy. And I don’t care about what I look like most of the time. You’ll see me walking around in my jeans for the most part. I’m pretty much a tough ass. You don’t see that type of s**t in a lot of women,” she says, before a long pause. “Sorry, I just had to knock out that burp.”

She then waxes philosophical.

“Every time you see a woman who walks down the street, you think, ‘is she f*ckable?’” she says, when we ask why she thinks there is enduring interest in her love life, ” Any woman who is in some way f*ckable, you know, if she’s beautiful, or if she has a nice body, you wonder what kind of things that person does with their private area.” She goes on to say, “it’s a very perverse way of thinking, but it’s the way that the majority of adults in the United States and around the world think. Or the porn industry wouldn’t be the highest grossing industry in the world.”

Finally, she hits back at bloggers and journalists.

“I picture them turning into pigs, slime coming out the side of their mouth, and I picture them jerking off,” she says of the journalists and bloggers who she believes are constantly trying to ‘out’ her: “I don’t answer those questions. I just keep it to myself and it’s nobody’s business. If I wanna f*ck a girl, a boy, a dog—that’s my business. That’s why there’s bathroom doors.”

Hey, I take offense to the jerking off comment. She makes it sound like it’s an every day thing. That’s wholly inaccurate. I mean, I only do it three times a week. Four if you count rubbing my penis on my neighbor’s Macy’s catalog as jerking off.

Serving only 17 days, Michelle Rodriguez was released from the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood, California. Originally, Michelle was to serve 180 days without the possibility of early release for her probation violation. There’s no word yet on why they let her out early. Until the news says otherwise, I’ll assume it’s because they discovered her penis.

Update: Michelle was released because of overcrowding. The penis is still as of yet undiscovered.

There was a court hearing yesterday where the judge expressed her displeasure about the plan to release Rodriguez early, but ultimately said the Sheriff controlled the jail. The judge made it clear — she wanted Michelle in the slammer for her sentence.

But law enforcement sources say the Sheriff felt he had to treat Rodriguez the way he treats every other female inmate. Because of severe overcrowding, the standard is to release everyone after they serve 10% of their time. Even though the judge drew the line in the sand and demanded the full nine yards, the Sheriff felt equality was more important.

Michelle Rodriguez checked into the Century Regional Detention Facility in Lynwood on Sunday to begin serving a 180 day sentence for violating probation.

The probation violation stems from a 2004 plea of no contest — the equivalent of guilty — to three traffic offenses in Los Angeles, including hit-and-run and drunken driving violations. She was previously sentenced to 60 days in jail for a probation violation in May 2006, but was released after just four hours and 20 minutes due to overcrowding.

Michelle will celebrate Christmas in lockup. Christmas came early for her. Michelle’s present will be to do her time in women’s jail and not men’s. For the other inmates… well… I don’t know what you did to deserve this, but you girls better pray Michelle’s penis isn’t that big.

Michelle Rodriguez was sentenced to six months in jail for violating probation for her DUI. In addition, Judge Daviann L. Mitchell said that there will be no early release despite overcrowding and she will need to perform 30 days of road clean-up duty.

“[She] admitted violating her probation by failing to provide proof of completion of her community service and for consuming alcohol three times while wearing an alcohol-monitoring device,” said the L.A. City Attorney’s office in a statement.

The City Attorney’s office had alleged that Rodriguez turned in a false document showing that she completed one day of service on Sept. 25, court filings show. The actress later stated that she was in New York on that date. [People]

In her defense, avoiding alcohol for 30 days is pretty hard. What are you supposed to put in your corn flakes when you can’t use vodka? Are you going to dip your Oreos in water instead of rum? Absurd! What? No, I’m certainly not an alcoholic. “Alcoholic” makes me sound like I have a problem. Trust me, I don’t have a problem. Well, maybe the fact that my pee is now flammable is a little problem, but other than that, it’s all gravy, baby.

While waiting for her face mask to dry, Michelle Rodriguez went shopping on Rodeo Drive. All I want to know is who’s gonna tell Papa Shango he has a daughter? That voodoo priest is one crazy cat.

Michelle Rodriguez whined on her blog about her DUI and the injustice of everything surrounding the case.

We get stopped driving like 15 miles an hour down a 35 to 40 mph road. I cry, this sucks ass, I get over it take pictures with some cops at precinct on their camera phone, take a breathalyzer and go home a couple of hours later. I hire some lawyer from Hawaii, lose my 28 acres of land and my home in Jersey paying him off, just so I can get the same treatment I would have gotten from a public defender. I realized my payday in movies was way better than T.V. at that moment….

She also felt like a guinnea pig when they made her wear that alcohol detecting ankle bracelet.

I go to get this thing put on and I realize this thing is like a freaking VCR, and why do they care If I drink, what am I gonna do, drink and walk over someone, I have no license. Anyway I put this contraption on and the second day the guy calls me and says you’ve got an alcohol reading. I was like, I haven’t had any liquor. He’s like, well you can’t use listerine, no shampoo, or soap, or lotion, or perfume, with alcohol in it.

There’s a lot more in the actual post. I went in and out of consciousness while reading it. The gist was wah, wah, call the wah-mbulace. I haven’t heard this much complaining since they told Rosie O’Donnell you don’t lose weight by washing down legs of lamb and buffalo wings with Slim-Fast.