Michelle Trachtenberg starred in Buffy the Vampire Slayer and most recently Gossip Girl and Weeds. Us Weekly caught up with her and found out she was first pick to star as Bella in Twilight, Kristen Stewart’s most famous role, and was even first pick to star in Thirteen, Evan Rachel Wood’s breakout role. None of those worked out because of her other projects.

“There was definitely interest here and there because there’s only so few pale girls in Hollywood,” she explained.

“I’ve known [director] Catherine Hardwicke since the movie Thirteen,” she said. “I was actually supposed to star in that, but I was on Buffy at the time.” (Hardwicke, who went on to directed the very first Twilight film in 2009, directed the saga’s star Nikki Reed in the 2003 drama and Evan Rachel Wood played the film’s primary character. Reed cowrote the gritty screenplay.)

So why did Reed, Kristen Stewart and Ashley Greene end up as Breaking Dawn’s leading ladies instead of Trachtenberg? “I guess schedules never worked out,” she explained.

“I already have Buffy,” she added. “I’ve already done the vampire thing.” Us Weekly

“That’s cool. I didn’t need those millions of dollars, adoring fans and new career opportunities anyway. Like P.Diddy says, ‘Mo money, mo problems.’” *Quietly sobs into hands*

Pete Wentz is slowly getting over his divorce with Ashlee Simpson. He’s even stopped sobbing long enough to maybe once again date Michelle Trachtenberg, who most people now know from Gossip Girl or Buffy the Vampire Slayer.

The two were spotted in LA on Sunday getting coffee prompting rumors of a romance. Or not. Actually no one knows. They could just be grabbing drinks as friends. What do you want from me? Do I look like a fortune teller or something?

Actresses think they’re entitled to everything just because they read lines from a script someone else wrote for them. They should think again because people in the real world just don’t care. Like this 5’7” (not sure why her height is important but Page Six thinks it is) brunette who Michelle tried to steal a cab from in New York.

The woman, who works for a hedge fund, says she was getting in the cab when Trachtenberg ran up shouting, “Excuse me, what do you think you are doing? That’s my cab!” “I was very surprised,” said the woman. “I had liked her in ‘Harriet the Spy’ when she seemed to be a sweet kid. But the girl that approached me was just another entitled, spoiled actress. I got in the cab anyway be cause of her attitude. My response to her was, ‘This ain’t Hollywood, kid!’ That made her even angrier, and she flipped me the bird.”

If they were in LA, the woman would have apologized profusely and laid down on the ground to be a rug for Michelle to wipe her feet on before she got in the cab. Those damn New Yorkers. So rude.

I haven’t seen this intense of a stare since I told Rosie O’Donnell that underneath one of the three cups I had shuffled was a quadruple stuffed Oreo cookie.

I’ll be honest. I have no clue who this is. Actress? Model? Reality Star? Let’s invent a back story for her. Let’s see. She looks like she starred in a teenage coming-of-age story a la American Pie or Superbad. I peg her as the hot unattainable girl with heart of gold and ice cream filled coochie. She slowly discovers the redeeming qualities of our protagonist and ends up dating him. And…cut!!

Fast forward to the real life sequel and here’s what they don’t tell you. That heart of gold? Lies!!! All lies!! She’s as bitchy as they come. And that sweet poontang? It gave me, ahem, it gave our protagonist something vicious.

Unrelated note: The clap really does itch and that discharge?? It doesn’t smell like roses, that’s for sure.

Guest post by Captain Swarthy.

Eek, it’s a ghost. Run! Michelle Trachtenberg was at the Killers concert at the Hard Rock looking like she fell into a vat of flour or a tub of sperm. Heh, but what weirdo keeps gallons of semen lying around. *Looks around nervously* Listen, you gotta be ready if a girl ever mentions bukkake. Get off my back, alright?

Rosie O’Donnell brings annoying to a whole new level. [Celebitchy]

Kanye West sued by Evil Knievel. [CityRag]

Borat is still pissing off people everywhere. [Celebrity Smack]

The Black Man’s Burden: Narcissistic White People [Pajiba]

Paris Hilton types. [Celebslam]

Agent Double O Kick-Ass [Popoholic]

Terry Hatcher is aging gracefully. Wow, I said that with a straight face. [Dlisted]

Michelle Trachtenberg is confused over a parking meter. Sorry, not a public vibrating dildo girls. [The Bastardly]

Raven Symone loves cake. Fatty. [Drunken Stepfather]

Joe Rogan shows how to correctly handle a heckler. [College Humor]