Miley Cyrus and Demi Moore star in LOL which is Miley’s first attempt at breaking into the adult industry. Wait, I phrased that wrong. Her first attempt at breaking into the adult film industry. Aw, dammit. This isn’t working.

Anyway, two clips from the movie are up including one where Demi finds a condom in Miley’s diary and another where Demi finds a box of empty condoms and a half-smoked joint. That Miley is a real slut.

The former Disney star seems eager to let people know she’s an adult, even if she’s still playing a teenager. “It’s pretty gnarly,” Cyrus told Reuters. “It is about a daughter who is involved with all the wrong kids, doing drugs, failing school, but the mother has her on this perfect pedestal. I just fell in love with the story.”

“I had been wanting to get out of what people think as the obvious choice for me to do next.” she said. “It was so freeing to not be, like ‘Alright, I’m happy!” and getting to be real and working with life’s real emotions. People are so used to me playing the happy girl. HuffPo

This marks Miley’s first love scene and it’s really idealized because she loses her virginity on a spur of the moment trip to Paris. A far cry from real life which probably involved a lot of sobbing and begging the pharmacist for a morning after pill.

Last week Miley Cyrus and friends celebrated her boyfriend Liam Hemsworth’s birthday at Club Icon in L.A. and as luck would have it, there was a gigantic penis cake made especially for Liam. Liam was more or less indifferent about it but Miley was anything but. She rushed right up to that penis cake and opened wide for a photo op. Then she blew it. The candles, I mean. Oh and the cake penis. TMZ has the strangely satisfying pics.

Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth attended the People’s Choice Awards yesterday. Miley wore a see-through David Koma dress. Liam Hemsworth wore… ah, whatever. Who cares what he wore. Show your t*ts!

Miley Cyrus was on her way to a helicopter to get the hell out of Costa Rica when a few fans surrounded her asking for autographs and pictures. She took one but then said she had to get going. That’s when sh*t got real.

Miley told the fan, “Babe, I gotta go.” Displeased, the fan yelled, “Asshole.” Then a stunned Miley turned around and asked, “What the f*ck? Are you for real?”

This is why I never became a celebrity. Not because I lack charisma, talent or good looks, it’s because I don’t want to be hounded by fans and have them turn on me when I can’t sign every autograph and pose for every picture. Yea, that’s it exactly.

As part of her transformation into a young celebrity starlet, Miley Cyrus showed up to the American Giving Awards and CNN Heroes events wearing low cut dresses which showed off her confusing yet slightly awesome rack. Hey, when did this happen?

Robin Lim was named Hero of the Year at the CNN Heroes event but it should have really been whoever designed that dress.

Miley Cyrus celebrated her 19th birthday at the Roosevelt Hotel last week with a bunch of friends, hanger-ons, furries and a dwarf Nicki Minaj. But forget those, the big news is she unabashedly called herself a pothead.

When Kelly Osbourne presented her her Bob Marley cake, Miley said, “You know you’re a stoner when friends make you a Bob Malrey cake — you know you smoke way too much f**kin’ weed.” Osbourne joked, “I thought salvia was your problem, man?”

That’s for all you Miley Cyrus apologists out there. She’s a big pothead and everyone knows it. The only thing surprising about this video is they didn’t roll joints to use as candles on the cake.

Oh but here comes her reps to protect her pristine image. They say the Bob Marley cake was an inside joke and that Kelly Osbourne has been calling Miley “Bob Marley” ever since the salvia incident. The rep insists Miley was joking when she called herself a stoner.

With the arrest of Christopher Chaney last week for hacking nude photos of celebrities like Scarlett Johansson and Blake Lively, a man who claims to have hacked multiple celebrities (who could be Chaney himself) told TMZ how they did it. Because celebrities are idiots, it was retardedly easy.

A man who has been contacting TMZ for nearly two years — trying to peddle multiple celeb images, including nude pics of Scarlett Johansson — has revealed how he hacked Miley Cyrus’ Gmail account.

The man says he simply went to Miley’s Gmail and tried accessing it. The prompt asked a security question … the name of one of her girlfriends. He guessed the one she’s known the longest, based on a Google search — and he scored.

He says, “When I saw that, I couldn’t believe it.” TMZ

This is why I make up answers to all my security questions while drunk. First street I ever lived on? Crotch Thrust Blvd. Favorite movie? Mel Gibson says blow me. Password? UnicornRainbowPrinces. Granted, I have a hard time remembering any of the answers but I haven’t been hacked yet!

Here’s Miley Cyrus in a Twitpic with her mom that she posted yesterday. Apparently Miley doesn’t wear bras anymore and, uh, geez, she really should. This is about as sexy as molesting a dead squirrel. I’ve gotten more erections from sneezing than I have from Miley Cyrus.

Side note: The boys over at Phun did an x-ray which I posted to Twitter of course.

Fancy celeb photog Vijat Mohindra shot Miley Cyrus during her South American tour and did what everyone has wanted to do since she started being an idiot. Drown her. Only for a second though, because, what is she, a cat?

Here’s Miley Cyrus doing a Brian Bowen Smith photoshoot. As you can see, she’s very flexible and lacy but at the end of the day she’s still Miley Cyrus. Ugh. Why can’t this be Selena Gomez? Wait, she’s legal, right?

Miley Cyrus is currently in Rio and was seen leaving Barra da Tijuca beach. But right before, paps got a few good shots of Miley and her mom. Who’s in the pink bikini. Yea, the girl with the gigantic angel wings tattooed on her back. The only thing missing is a tramp stamp, a belly ring and a dedicated post on People of Walmart.

At yesterday’s concert in Lima, Peru, Miley Cyrus covered Nirvana’s infamous song “Smells Like Teen Spirit.” If Kurt Cobain wasn’t so apathetic, he’d be rolling in his grave right now.

If Miley Cyrus wasn’t a millionaire, she’d be living in a trailer with five kids with a bunch of regrettable tattoos over her body. Since she’s a famous celebrity, her trailer is a tour bus, her five kids are her yes-men and, well, the regrettable tattoos are still just regrettable tattoos. But they’re better quality meaning there isn’t a big X through one of them where the guy messed up.

Anyway, Miley showed off her new dream catcher tattoo on Twitter yesterday. A friend of hers told PEOPLE, ““It’s a picture of the dream catcher that hangs over her bed with four feathers to represent her four brothers and sisters. The dream catcher is to protect them.” Between this one, “just breathe,” “love,” and the others, her body is one big cliche.