*Drops to knees* Nooooooo!

A source tells Page Six that they saw with their own prying eyes Derek Jeter and Minka Kelly strolling through Le Musee d’Orsay on Thursday and “brunching” (how delightful!) at a Parisian hotel in the morning.

“She looked really excited to see him,” our source said. “They didn’t kiss romantically . . . It was more of a hello hug.”

“When the waiter brought food over, Jeter seemed a bit impatient, grabbed it off the trays and served Minka first,” our spy said “He seemed to be saying, ‘You don’t have to do the whole pomp . . . We’re hungry, so let’s just eat.’ ”

The previous day, they were spotted browsing art at Le Musée d’Orsay. According to another spy in the gift shop, “They weren’t holding hands, but they were obviously together.” Page Six

A few people went up to Jeter at the museum and asked for pictures but Jeter refused saying he “wasn’t supposed to be there.” Which is the exact same thing I say when they ask me to pose for a booking photo but I say it in more of a sniveling, hysterically crying sort of way.

ABC has canceled Charlie’s Angels due to the show’s inability to recapture the 8.7 million viewers it had for its premiere. Each week, the Drew Barrymore produced reboot dropped a couple million in viewers. Combined with terrible reviews, it was inevitable that ABC would give it the axe.

Looks like not even a girl-on-girl kiss could save that show. A startling discovery that has turned my world upside down. I thought a girl-on-girl kiss was the answer to every problem? I don’t know what to believe in anymore!

Low ratings and poor reviews have forced creators of Charlie’s Angels to take drastic measures. This involves making co-stars Minka Kelly and Rachael Taylor lock lips with each other in some elaborate plan that no one cares about.

By that same token, can we stop watching Community for a while so we can get Gillian Jacobs and Alison Brie to make out?

Me: *Looks at header pic* “I’ll have what he’s having!”
PA: “Uh, sir, he’s having respiratory failure due to water in his lungs as a result of drowning.”
Me: *Stares blankly* “Where’s that on the menu?”

Here’s Minka Kelly filming scenes for Charlie’s Angels. How that guy didn’t get an erection is beyond me. He must be a warlock or something.

Apparently crew members can’t go around slapping the asses of celebrities anymore. Damn you, zero tolerance sexual harassment policies!

TMZ reports a crew member on Charlie’s Angels was fired after slapping Minka Kelly on the butt like a cheap stripper. Rumor has it that he was holding a hundie when he did it and that Minka slapped him back.

Sources explain it didn’t happen exactly like that. They say the man did slap Minka on the ass but she responded by telling him, “Please don’t ever disrespect me or any other woman like that again.” A calm, cool, collected, but overall disappointing response. A swift kick to the nuts would have been better.

Witnesses told the bosses at ABC and the guy was immediately banned from the set and fired. Oddly enough, Minka didn’t want to get the guy canned and had nothing to do with the decision. She was friendly with the guy and upset that he lost his job after moving his family to town for it. ABC sources say the guy was a serial ass slapper and had done it to other women.

This goes to show how nice Minka Kelly is. Some guy slaps her ass and she doesn’t even want him fired. A stern lecture would have been enough. Until today, I didn’t know it was possible to be more in love with Minka. But here I am, scribbling hearts around her name in my Trapper Keeper.

E! reports that the relationship between Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter fizzled out when Minka started becoming more famous. Derek loves obscure nobodies hence why he loved Minka during the Friday Night Lights era because no one watched the show making her relatively unknown.

When her career started to take off with The Roommate and now Charlie’s Angels, that’s when Derek lost interest. He just didn’t want the attention.

I know how Derek Jeter feels. That’s exactly why I dumped Scarlett Johansson and Megan Fox. They started getting too popular. This playboy millionaire likes to keep under the radar. Modesty and chiseled abs are two of my best qualities.

Here’s the recently single Minka Kelly on the set of Charlie’s Angels and then getting ready for a photoshoot in Miami, Florida.

Hallelujah! Last we heard from Minka Kelly and Derek Jeter, they were getting married on November 5 in a castle. Now reps for the two have confirmed that they have split.

A source says, “The split was amicable. But they remain friends. They still really care for each other.”

Minka is busy shooting the Charlie’s Angels reboot in Miami and Jeter is still busy looking like a dork.

Not sure that title makes any sense but Minka Kelly was in NYC yesterday afternoon walking her dog in a low-cut dress. You know what that means. Summer is here! Oh and cleavage. Sweet, sweet cleavage.

Proving a franchise isn’t dead until you throw it to the ground, rape it, beat it, force it to do two movies and now a new tv series, ABC has cast Minka Kelly, Annie Ilonzeh and Rachael Taylor as the new leads for the reboot. Here they are in white dresses filming scenes for it.

My only hope is they don’t dilute the essence of this series which was basically a bunch of hot chicks in skimpy clothes fighting. Maybe they can even throw in a tub and some Jell-O. Yes, I think I’m on to something here.

Jimmy Kimmel debuted his new workout system as part of his Hottie Body Hump Club and I can’t believe it took this long for me to find out about this. Kimmel brings out all the big hitters, Scarlett Johansson, Minka Kelly, Jessica Biel, Jessica Alba, Sofia Vargas, Emiliy Blunt and Kelly Ripa and tricks them into humping a ball. Apparently it’s a great workout system if you’re not forced to do it at gunpoint.

My favorite was Jessica Alba. Only because with her I wouldn’t be the only one crying during sex. Also, Jessica Biel scares me. If I ever had sex with her, I’d make sure there was a safe word.

For those of you not blessed with the gift of sight, Minka Kelly is really hot which is why I’m required by law to post any pictures of her that show more than 50% skin. With the debut of her new movie The Roommate, it was bound to happen. And it did back in January. But The Roommate releases this week so GQ released a few outtakes from the shoot.

This is really unfair that not only has Derek Jeter run through half of the women in Hollywood but he also gets to be with Minka. What’s his secret? Is it a gun?

Here’s a screen from Minka Kelly and Leighton Meester’s Single White Female re-imagining called The Roommate. Judging by the still, this is loosely based on my life. Get out of my head, Leighton Meester!

Minka Kelly’s Single White Female update titled The Roommate, starring her and Leighton Meester, is being released in February. It’s set in college and stars two much hotter girls. Hence, now is the perfect time to do promos for it. First up, GQ, where they did a photoshoot of her bent over in stockings.

She also gives an interview where, besides promising she’s not marrying next month, she clears up that rumor about her getting into an argument in first class about bringing her dog on board and calling Derek Jeter to have him sort things out. She says it was blown out of proportion as most stories are. The only thing about it that really gets to her though is the calling Derek Jeter for help part. She doesn’t want people to think she’s a damsel in distress.

“Do people think that somewhere in my brain, I think Derek can save me from someone telling me my dog can’t fly?” she asks. “If that’s the way I worked, he would have left me a long time ago.”

That’s good to know that she can solve her own problems. Unless it involves math, of course. Because she’s a girl, you see.

One more photo here.