Miss Michigan, Kirsten Haglund, won the crown yesterday to become Miss America 2008. The show, on TLC for the first time, debuted an edgier, more teen-friendly format with the swimsuit portion in bikinis instead of the traditional one-pieces and with questions posed by people on the street about binge drinking, HIV and Britney Spears’ pregnant sister instead of that boring political stuff.

The pageant sounded different, too. A deejay spun dance music from turntables set up on stage. Contestants danced and waved to the audience during commercials breaks. The losers were seated on risers on one side of the stage, while the parents of the finalists, in black tie, were seated on the other.

I think a way to make the show even more edgier and attractive to the younger crowd is if they have the losers strip naked and force the winner to have sex with me. Because, well, why not?

The Miss America pageant and all these types of pageants have to be the most boring events ever. The whole point of the show is to parade around a bunch of cock-teases and later, trick them into believing people care about their opinions by having them answer a random question. They often try to recite a profound answer memorized from one of their flash cards in an attempt to make themselves seem intelligent. Sometimes they fail spectacularly as shown in the video below. But, whatever. What I want to know is, if you’re so smart, why aren’t you doing this naked?

Here’s the swimsuit portion of the Miss America 2008 prelims. More under the cut.