After Miss Puerto Rico, Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza, was crowned Miss Universe Sunday night, she fainted at a post paegent news conference. Luckily, someone caught her and she was revived with liquids. They blame it on her dress made entirely of metal chains and the hot stage lights.

I’ve never worn a dress made of metal chains, but I have experienced extreme heat this past weekend. Now that I have an online degree in medicine, I can tell you with authority that the only reason you faint from hot lights is by not eating or drinking for the whole day. I also give out free breast exams now. The requirements are that you have supermodel looks, c-cups and don’t know any better.