I apologize if the title made you a little queasy, but rest assured, you’re not alone. Get a bucket or some lube and prepare yourself for the rest of this.

Finding success in kissing both Britney Spears and Christina Augilera, Madonna wants to do a three-way with Lindsay Lohan and Jessica Simpson at the MTV Music Awards.

Now the Queen Of Pop is planning to do a bondage scene with the two rising stars at this year’s awards in New York next month.

To me, Madonna’s leotard seemed like a pretty solid way to obtain new fans, but this doesn’t seem to be working as well as it should. Some analysts, by analysts I mean the towel guy in the bathroom, have decided that an onstage bondage performance with dumb and dumber would work much better. By the way, those dudes get kind of pissy when you wipe your hands on their shirt. I thought you only take the towel if you plan on tipping them. Whatever.