Now that both groups have sufficiently faded into obscurity, it was time to put aside their differences and see if by their powers combined, they could form a super group able to pull themselves out of the ether of anonymity. So they put their publicists in contact with each other and crossed tips, sort of like a much more gay Captain Planet, and a one-off performance of NKOTBSB was born.

That’s right. New Kids on the Back Street Boys performed together at the American Music Awards and it just felt so right? Pleasant? Meh? Yea, let’s stick with “meh”.

Led Zeppelin, The Pixies and New Kids on the Block. They always say these things come in three. Somewhere, someone’s prayers were answered. And now, it’s my mission to hunt them down and slap them silly. On April 4th, all five original members of NKOTB will appear together (!) on the Today show. Though they will not perform, they will undoubtedly look back fondly on their days in the band, tell a few stories and update us with their current life. What is the effect of a million shoulders shrugging? Will it displace the world’s axis and send us spinning uncontrollably into the 4th dimension? Better not make plans past April 4th.

As an homage to NKOTB, I’ll bust out their moves on the dance floor this weekend. Assuming the world is still on its axis of course. If you see someone doing the running man in parachute pants, stop and say hello. ‘Tis Captain Swarthy!

Guest contributor: Captain Swarthy