Mr. Mariah Carey, who was recently hospitalized for kidney failure, has left his position as host of Rolling with Nick Cannon on 92.3 in NYC per doctor’s orders. He tweeted this morning, “The Doctors found blood clots in my lungs and said if I don’t slow down and stop working so hard then it’s a wrap!”

According to a statement released by Nick, doctor’s told him to cut back on some jobs to allow his body heal. “Under doctor’s orders, I have been asked to cut back on some of my professional commitments to allow my body to get the rest it needs to keep up with the demands of my multitasking schedule.” Cannon added, “Even Superman has to sleep.” Nick will still continue hosting America’s Got Talent.

This seems to be an elaborate plan to get out of holding Mariah Carey’s umbrella. If you don’t want to do it anymore, just man up and say so. Don’t make up all these medical excuses.

Side note: I like how in these Aspen photos, Nick is basically carrying the twins while Mariah pretends to help with one.

Nick Canon is in an Aspen hospital with “mild kidney failure” which I take to mean he’s only “mildly close to death.” Mariah Carey and Nick were vacationing in Aspen with their twins when Nick’s kidney failed. Mariah is staying with him while he recovers. You know what this means! Cutesy photo op time! Mariah posted the above photo and below text to Twitter,

This is us in the hospital – role reversal; Last year it was me attached to the machines (after having dembabies) and Nick was there with me through it, and now here we are.

We’re trying to be as festive as possible under the circumstances but please keep Nick in your thoughts because this is very painful. They tried to kick me out of the hospital but here I am pon de bed with Mr. C.

We’re doing OK but we’re “straaaaaanded in Aspen”. #DramaticDivaPlace (I know, we could be in a lot worse places) but the truth is as long as we’re together, we’re OK. I’m not trying to make light out of the situation because it’s a serious moment that’s very tough on all of us so please keep us and our family in your prayers. LYM. Mariah Carey

Did Mariah just compare her having “dem babies” to Nick’s kidney failure? Clearly, she knows how he feels. As do I. This is really hard to say but one time I… I stubbed my toe on a chair leg. So, Nick, hang in there buddy. We’ve both been through some difficult times.

Magazines such as PEOPLE and OK! are fighting over who gets the first baby photos of Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon’s twins which are expected to fetch a modest $200,000. In comparison, Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were paid $14 million for theirs. They donated the money to charity. Mariah and Nick will probably donate theirs to a diamond encrusted Hello Kitty for the baby room.

“Mariah and Nick are more concerned with doing the right thing than going to the highest bidder,” said a source close to the couple. “They’re talking to a number of publications about doing it in the best and most tasteful way. Nick has said on radio he doesn’t feel entirely comfortable selling pictures of his children. But the first picture remains very valuable to the paparazzi.” [Page Six]

If Nick feels uncomfortable selling pictures of his kids, why doesn’t he take pictures himself and post them on their website every single day until people get sick of those two talking about their babies. Sort of like what normal people do. You’d think that would be the best way to devalue the baby photos. Instead, he’s “reluctantly” selling them for $200,000. What a trooper.

It’s only been two weeks since Mariah Carey gave birth to her twins and she’s already been visited by Child Protective Services. Surprisingly not for asking a plastic surgeon about turning the twins into living, breathing Hello Kitty! dolls.

Nick Cannon told Piers Morgan on Thursday that CPS came to see him because allegations had been made that there was drug and alcohol use during their stay at the hospital. Turns out it was just a big misunderstanding. Or was it? Dun dun dun!

“It all started when a nurse suggested to my wife that if you drink Guinness, the dark beer, the yeast improves breastfeeding,” Cannon explained. “I don’t know if someone heard that, but then they were saying my wife was drinking beer. People will do anything to try to conjure up a story.”

“When I spoke to the person from Child Protection Services, they said, ‘This is ridiculous, we’re going to make sure this isn’t the case,’” Cannon recalled. “To even have to deal with that, with my wife in the state that she’s in while we’re in the hospital, to even have to think about someone possibly wanting to investigate your children…it’s sad at the end of the day.”

After all, Cannon concluded, “it’s really sad when you think about people trying to make a buck off newborn babies.”

Whatever. Nick Cannon probably said this while calling his publicist to find out which magazine would pay the most to put their babies on the cover. He might as well be like an old timey slave trader and stand on a wooden platform shouting, “Twins for sale! Twiiiins for saaaale!” That quote is going to bite him in the ass in two weeks.

Mariah Carey and Mr. Mariah Carey finally revealed the names for their twins who were born on Saturday. They named their son Moroccan Scott Cannon, nickname “Roc”. Scott is Nick Cannon’s middle anme and his grandmother’s maiden name.

The Moroccan comes from Mariah’s NYC apartment called the Moroccan Room and is also the place where Nick proposed.

Their daughter’s name is just Monroe Cannon. Monroe after Marilyn Monroe who “inspired” Mariah her whole life.

The daughter’s name is not that bad. But who the hell names their kid with an adjective? Also, who’s Scott Cannon and why is her kid the Moroccan version of him. Is it because he’s dark? This is terrible. He’s not even the original Scott Cannon. He has to be the Moroccan version of him. They made their baby a 2nd class citizen.

Mariah Carey, 42, popped out her twins at around 12 PM EST at a hospital in LA on Saturday. The baby girl came first and her brother followed which shows just how bossy women in that family are.

Mariah’s rep tells PEOPLE that they’re both overjoyed and were listening to “We Belong Together” after the kids were born.

Making the day even more special, the birth coincided with their anniversary as the very prescient Nick predicted. With the help of Rev. Al Sharpton, they renewed their vows in the hospital on Sunday. Speaking about the labor, her rep added.

“Nick was very nervous and Mariah was completely calm. Mariah thought it was another soft labor and Nick was driving her to the hospital and she very calm and the music was blasting,” she added. “When they walked into the hospital, [Nick] was going the wrong way and the nurse redirected them to go the maternity ward, and I said to her, ‘that’s right out of I Love Lucy,’ and she laughed.”

What an obnoxiously cute story. Why can’t they simply say Nick was being a dumbass and didn’t know what the hell he was doing? I mean, look at him. He’s a bumbling idiot. The only things Mariah trusts him to do is hold her umbrella, hold her straw and, apparently, put his penis inside her.

If you thought Mariah Carey looked fatter than a normal pregnant celebrity, then that’s because she’s having twins. Nick Cannon confirmed it on his radio show telling listeners, “We’re having twins.”

“They, ironically enough, questioned my wife about, you know, ‘So, what are you having, are you having twins? And at this point she hadn’t told anybody anything because doctors advised us to keep it to ourselves until we get further along. And because of the excitement, because of the emotion, she was overwhelmed [and] she shared with the President and First Lady that we are having twins.”

I think if one of Mariah’s kids don’t come out looking like a Hello Kitty! she’s going to be pissed. Mariah only births collectibles, god dammit!

First were constant rumors that Mariah Carey was pregnant, yet Mariah said nothing. Then there were pictures of Mariah looking like someone pumped her full of helium and still, Mariah said nothing. Now no one cares one way or another if Mariah is fat or pregnant but she has a new album to promote so obviously she’s ready to talk. Mariah went on the Today Show to confirm the baby news:

Carey told Bush — in a segment which aired on TODAY Thursday morning — that it’s been a struggle to keep the news private. “It’s been a long journey, but it’s been tough because I’ve been trying to have … to hold onto a shred of privacy. And that was not easy.”

In the spirit of some privacy, Carey, who shared the news with Bush from her home in Tribeca, didn’t divulge how far along she is. “It’s still early, I’m expecting in the spring, I’ll say that. I don’t want to give too much of like, specific outlines.”

“Uh, it’s absolutely emotional, but first, so many reasons I mean obviously the greatest gift on earth is a child,” Cannon said. “But … you know how much we have been through, you know.”

Not sure why Nick Cannon needed to be in the interview unless Mariah needed her purse held. Nick is like an appendix. Sure, he has a few uses but no one is going to miss him terribly if he’s cut out and thrown into a can of bio-waste. Don’t get me wrong. His skills as an umbrella holder are second to none but I’m pretty sure the Japanese invented a robot for that already.

Jeeves needs corporate sponsors for his 30th birthday bash! He’s already sent out e-mails looking for people to pay $25,000 for three tweets from next month’s party. Nick Cannon wrote, “This is an extremely exciting opportunity to sponsor a fun and lavish event . . . opportunities range from gift bags and signage to tweets and photo ops.” Confirmed guests include Jay-Z, Beyonce, Will and Jada Smith, Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore, Kobe Bryant, Quincy Jones, L.A. Reid and Jamie Foxx.

A one-sheet flier for the “Nick Cannon Birthday celebration hosted by Mariah Carey” offers sponsors the chance to pay $2,500 to be in the gift bag, while a $15,000 donation includes “one tweet” and “mention in all p.r. materials.”

For $25,000 you can be a “host sponsor” which includes “three tweets,” a “right to service out photos” and a “logo on all collateral,” which we hope doesn’t refer to the “confirmed” celebrity guests.

And those prices only refer to a single city, with special “packages” that can be created for both New York and LA.

God I hate this gold digging whore. I hope no one shows up for the party and it’s just him in a silly hat sitting in front of a 50 foot long cake with a bunch of empty chairs surrounding him. He can put the candles out with his tears.

Apparently Jeeves has a burning desire to get his ass kicked. Professional umbrella holder Nick Cannon challenged Eminem to a charity boxing match on his New York-based radio show. He wants to settle the war between Eminem and his wife Mariah by getting his face punched in.

Nick tweeted the double negative: “I don’t have nothing to lose!!! If I get beat up no one would be surprised… It will just be more material for my stand up!” However, he did admit, “I don’t think Eminem or Jay Z are even paying attention to us!”

I’m not sure how getting beat up settles the bad blood between your wife and some other dude who brags about banging your wife. I think it’d make it worse actually. Not only will he keep singing about how he banged your wife, he’ll also sing about how he beat up her scrawny, pencil-necked husband. It doesn’t seem like Nick has thought this through.

Radar claims it’s official. Mariah Carey and Jeeves Nick Cannon are expecting a baby. It’s said that they want to keep the pregnancy quiet for as long as possible.

Now a source close to Mariah and husband Nick Cannon tells RadarOnline.com the couple — who renewed their vows to celebrate their second anniversary in May — are expecting their first child.

“They’re both very excited and very happy,” dished our insider.

When contacted, Mariah’s longtime rep Cindi Berger gave RadarOnline.com a rather cryptic comment.

“I’m not at liberty to discuss Mariah’s personal life at this time,” the publicist told RadarOnline.com, a statement that did not outwardly deny the pregnancy.

There’s no way Mariah is going through all that work  just to push a kid out of her. She always has a crazy list of demands when she performs or make appearances. Most of it involves her doing as little work as possible. So it’s not so far fetched that the next step is to implant Mariah’s womb into Nick so he can carry it to term. We should really be sending congratulations to Mariah and condolences to Nick. That kid has no idea what he’s in for. At the very least, Mariah will be craving purple Hello Kitty shaped food 24/7. Although the worst case scenario is if Mariah starts telling Nick to get her food that doesn’t even exist. Like unicorn meat or a rainbow peacocks.

Mariah Carey pulled out of Tyler Perry’s new film citing health reasons. People’s jump to conclusions mat says this means Mariah Carey is pregnant. Her rep told Us Magazine, “She is not doing the movie because her doctor advised her not to. More than that I cannot comment further.”

Mariah Carey is 41. Jeeves, I’m sorry, Nick Cannon is 29. I can just imagine what a baby would do to that poor guy. Both Mariah and the baby would be lying on separate golden couches while Nick rushed back and forth between them to feed them grapes and massage their feet. If his hands weren’t so weak from the manual labor he had to do, he’d smother one of them.

Here’s Mariah leaving a medical building 2 weeks ago.

Aww, crap. Nick totally showed me up. Up top is what Nick Cannon gave Mariah Carey as a second anniversary present during their private party in LA on Friday. It’s a hand crafted ring pop made of white gold and encrusted in white diamonds and pink sapphires. Mariah loves old school candy ring pops.

This is the E-Card I gave Mariah. It’s not encrusted with anything fancy like diamonds but it does have Barry White singing “Can’t Get Enough of Your Love” and has a cute wolf and sheep. That’s something, right? Thanks a lot, Nick.