Here’s Nick Carter and Lauren Kitt at his 32nd birthday celebration at Vanity in Vegas over the weekend. You can practically feel the sexual chemistry. I think this is what Seal imagined when he first sang Kiss From a Rose.

I’m not sure if these are fakes or what, but apparently these letters are from Paris Hilton to Nick Carter while they were dating. I have to assume it’s real since Paris never matured past 6th grade. All they need are some blood spatter and spit.

Nick Carter should write a book about Paris Hilton considering he’s so infatuated with telling all about her. The newest allegation has Paris smuggling pot in her holed out teddy bear.

“If she was going overseas she’d cut a hole in her teddy and stuff it with cannabis. She had to have her own private stash with her at all times regardless of the consequences.”

And also her sexual prowess.

“She relied heavily on drugs and drink to give her confidence in the bedroom and was more often than not too wasted to even perform.

“I lost count of the nights I had to pick her off the floor and drag her to bed passed out.

That’s funny. I remember this black market video of her getting pounded by some guy named Rick. She didn’t look passed out to me. I’m not saying it didn’t happen to him. I’d be dependent on drugs and drink if I was getting tuned out by the guy. But at that point, I would be seriously rethinking my definition of gay.

This reminds me of a joke. What’s worse than Paris Hilton? Bragging about sleeping with Paris Hilton and then telling a new secret about her every week to get PR for some lame show. The punchline is Nick Carter. Fuck, I’m really bad at jokes.

Trying to get as much publicity as he can for his new show House of Carters, Nick Carter revealed he lost his virginity to Debbie LeFave when they went to school together. Debbie LeFave, as you will remember, is the Florida teacher who slept with her 13 yr old student. As you will also remember, Debbie LaFave is hot. They broke up when Nick learned Debbie cheated on him with a girl. He also talked about his relationship with Paris Hilton.

“In the very beginning, you know, she was literally cleaning my carpet in my apartment . . . trying to act all domesticated,” he related. “And then, before you know it, a month or two goes by and it’s back to the old nose up in the air and who are you?

Paris cleaning carpets? Is that some sort of euphemism? Because the only way I’d believe Paris cleaned carpets is if someone gave her a Roomba with a dildo attached to it. One thing Nick forgot to mention was if Paris’ mysterious bruises showed up before or after she started ignoring him.