Nicole Richie got a boob job while vacationing with friends in Mexico on September 24. She probably saw some kids outside of the hospital going “boob jobs? boob jobs?” instead of “chicles? chicles?” and Nicole thought, “sure, why not?” Anyway, Nicole hasn’t shown them off in public. That is until Monday night’s ACE Awards in New York City where she wore a Antonio Berardi gown with a V-neckline.

I guess I could have just written, OMG OMG Nicole Richie has boobs and they don’t look like saggy man pecs!

An insider tells Us Weekly that Nicole Richie, who once proclaimed, “I really don’t like [having big boobs],” got implants over the summer. Her new chesties were on display while vacationing in Mexico a few days ago.

“In the past, she said she wanted a lift, though we never thought she was serious,” another source says of Richie.

Still, “she’s been open about it to friends,” notes the first insider. Us Weekly

Another source claims she did it for her husband Joel Madden. There’s a name people haven’t heard in a while. “The pregnancies took a toll. She said breast-feeding killed what boobs she did have.”

Wait. Is that possible? Can someone have inverted boobs? They were probably all deflated and saggy and looked like Droopy’s eyes. If there was one word to describe how Nicole’s chest looked pre-surgery, it would be “sad”. Now it’s all good. “Momma’s got a new set of tits!,” she yelled at her kid who sat there dumbstruck.

My heart pounded 200 beats per minute when I saw these photos of Nicole Richie in a bikini in Miami yesterday. Out of fear. It’s been so long since she’s been photographed in one that I almost forgot what an ungodly sight it was.

Hundreds of candid pictures of Christina Aguilera are being shopped around. Some of which were taken at Nicole Richie’s bachelorette party.

The images were on a digital storage card found in a French hotel. They were taken from June to November 2010. Aw, crap. I’ve lost interest already. This is fat Christina.

Radar says that 15 of the 109 pictures were taken at Nicole Richie’s bachelorette party in Cabo San Lucas. These include photos of Aguilera drinking and smoking a cigar, Nicole Richie in a bikini with a male blow-up doll strapped to her, Nicole drinking champagne and cocktails on a private jet and Aguilera and her boyfriend Matthew Rutler kissing on the bed. Also included:

• Aguilera mimicking performing oral sex on an unidentified male who is holding a sex toy
• Aguilera dancing on a table with friends at a private dinner
• Aguilera mimicking an oral sex act on a chocolate covered banana at a theme park
• Aguilera posing for before-and-after make-up shots.
• Aguilera and her son at a goat farm.

If you’re wondering why there’s no pictures of Christina giving a real blow job in the list, that’s because there aren’t any. Which makes these worthless. You can tell stolen pictures will suck when out of 109 photos, they only talk about 10 and one of them is about a kid and goat farms. The other pictures must be so boring. It’ll be like when your friend forces you to sit through their vacation photos.

Nicole Richie did what any sane person would do on the most important day of their life. Ban Paris Hilton from showing up. It wasn’t an easy decision but… wait, yes it was. From Popeater,

Friends of newlywed Nicole Richie tell me the reality star-turned-author agonized for months over whether or not to invite once-BFF Paris Hilton to her wedding to Joel Madden on Saturday, but at the last minute decided it would be best for everyone if the hotel heiress didn’t attend.

“Nicole is in a very different place in her life from when she was hanging out with Paris. She’s the mother of two and now a wife while Paris seems to be in exactly the same spot she was in five years ago. Still partying in Vegas and getting into trouble with the law,” a friend of Nicole’s tells me.

The only downside to not inviting Paris was that she wasn’t there to overpower the sickly vinegar stench emanating from Joel Madden with the sickly vinegar stench emanating from her uncovered crotch.

I had no idea these two were still relevant but eyeliner enthusiast Joel Madden and former Paris Hilton bff, Nicole Richie, were married at Lionel Richie’s house on Saturday. Attending the nuptials were 130 close family and friends and a trained elephant. Huh? Is that a euphemism for Jessica Simpson? Because that’s mean.

But one attendee stood way out: a trained elephant was spotted being led into the Los Angeles estate of Richie’s father, music superstar Lionel Richie, where two tents were set up for the ceremony on a warm evening.

Otherwise, the couple appeared to be sticking to tradition. Richie wore a wedding dress by Marchesa, and their rings were by jeweler Neil Lane, who also crafted Richie’s 4-carat engagement ring, sources tell PEOPLE.

These two have how many kids together? You’d think after one there’d be a government sanctioned black ops mission to sew their reproductive organs shut to save the world from any more sleeveless, flat brimmed cap, guyliner wearing offspring.

I thought these two clowns were already married, but they weren’t. But now they will be. Joel tweeted yesterday, “Yep. i’m engaged. Very happy. Yeah we’ve been engaged for a while so your all kind of late on that. But Thanks for the hooplah all the same.” Nicole Richie announced it on David Letterman on Monday as well.

You’d think this would have happened sooner. They already popped out two kids together. Their level of desirability reached that of a half-finished, curdled gallon of milk when that happened.

Back in 2006, Nicole Richie looked like this. A walking skeleton. Like she had been just released from a concentration camp. Now in the March issue of UK Marie Claire Nicole denies she had an eating disorder. “I felt it was a little unfair to say someone has an eating disorder when they don’t. It’s extremely insulting and irresponsible. An eating disorder is serious and it’s a disease.”

Oh, whatever. She had an eating disorder. She weighed around 60 pounds. A puff of air could have sent her across the continent. The only way she was able to stay grounded was with concrete shoes. It’s hilarious how Nicole wants everyone to believe she was perfectly fine. She looked like Gollum chasing a ring back then. As long as she’s making things up, she might as well have said she was an alien from another planet and then pointed a finger at the interviewer and went “pew pew pew” pretending to shoot them with a death ray.

Nicole Richie checked into Cedars-Sinai today for pneumonia. Her rep says she’s doing well. Sorry for getting this breaking news out so late, but it’s not like you cared anyway. I could have said ooga booga boo raja sham shaka and you would have felt the same amount of sympathy.

Nicole Richie, her girlfriend Joel Madden, and her boyfriend Samantha Ronson enjoyed a night out in the town at Playhouse Hollywood last Friday. According to Fox411, Nicole and Samantha’s playful night of dancing and drinking has left Lindsay Lohan none too pleased.

“When Lindsay found out that Sam was out with Nicole, she was not happy!” an insider tells Fox411, explaining that Lindsay and Nicole, once best friends, have grown apart in recent years. “Since Lindsay’s return to court last week, she has to be extra careful for probation, and [hearing about] Sam out with Nicole hurt her.”

Bravo to Lindsay for being sober long enough to comprehend her jealousy, but I wouldn’t worry about Nicole being around Samantha. By the looks of Joel, it’s obvious Nicole is into the ladies. And by the looks of Samantha, its obvious she could take T.R. Knight down in a sword fight. And by sword, I mean penis.  And by fight, I mean sex.

Nicole Richie took to PEOPLE to show off her latest experiment in parenting, Sparrow James Midnight Madden. She says she couldn’t be happier and that blah blah blah. Who cares. What you really want to see is how a kid produced by Nicole Richie and Joel Madden turned out. The answer: kind of creepy. It looks like he’s planning something sinister. This baby is not to be trusted. Behind the drool and baby throw-up lies an evil mastermind. You can already see him tenting his fingers and muttering, “Egggcellent,” under his breath.

Sources have revealed to RadarOnline that Nicole Richie and her Good Charlotte boyfriend, Joel, may have secretly tied the knot on Wednesday. The sources shared Nicole has been “talking more seriously about marriage since the tragic death of her long term boyfriend, Adam Goldstein”. In other words, guess there’s no chance of getting back with her more talented boyfriend, so why not Joel? Nicole’s reps have not responded to these claims because they forgot she was their client since she’s so incredibly boring.

Once upon a time, there existed a Nicole that would’ve gotten a DUI followed by her marrying someone of lesser fame after a month long courtship.  The old Nicole would’ve done this all while being considered the fat and ugly girl next to her more famous, ultra slutty, less fat best friend. If only there were a woman like that today to keep us entertained. Khloe Kardashian almost fits the criteria except she’s not a woman.

Nicole Richie was rear-ended by paparazzi in Beverly Hills on Monday. Her frail, malnourished body could barely handle the crash. Richie complained of pain and told responding officers that she’d seek her own medical attention. Luckily, Richie’s kids were not in the car. The driver who caused the accident is being arrested and booked for being unlicensed and for also being a pain in the ass.

“Ms. Richie was driving with a passenger around 2 p.m. when she was struck by two photographers driving in one vehicle behind her,” said Lt. Tony Lee of the Beverly Hills Police. “She complained of pain … Her car sustained moderate damage. No paramedics were called to the scene.”

He added: “She told officers she was going to seek her own medical treatment, so it’s unknown if she’s headed to a hospital or not.” [PEOPLE]

No word on whether Nicole actually drove to the hospital or floated there after a light breeze picked her up into the air. Joel Madden wasn’t available for comment because he was busy putting on his face.