All the mumbling and giggling in the world couldn’t save Paula Abdul. According to Deadline, 3 of the 5 judges on X Factor have been given the axe. Steve Jones is back in the UK doing whatever it is the English do, Nicole Scherzinger is back trying to make her music listenable and Paula Abdul, who only heard the news from a lawyer, is back, um, well, she’s back home. None of the three left by choice.

No word yet on who Simon Cowell is choosing to join him and L.A. Reid on the judges panel for Season 2 but can we finally get Cheryl Cole over here? She’s way better than Paula Abdul and Nicole Scherzinger. I hear her smile could make finding out that you had cancer seem like rolling around in a pile of kittens.

Back in October, Nicole Scherzinger and choreographer Brian Friedman were traveling through the mountains to the Xillitia rainforest in Mexico to film a music video when local authorities wielding M16s and Berettas pulled over their car. Luckily, the car was bullet proof and Nicole was unharmed.

A source says they were pulled over by armed law enforcement officers and that the guns weren’t pointed at anyone. They were not cited and let go.

But Brian, who sounds prone to hyperbole, said, “Nicole cursed me with this trip. It was the craziest adventure ever!”

Good thing Nicole didn’t serenade them. They would have all shot themselves in the head.

Photographer Ralphael Mazzucco released a book titled Culo and if you know any Italian/Spanish/etc. at all, you already know this book is about asses. The new coffee table book features asses from celebrities like Nicole Scherzinger, Stacy Keibler, Lady Gaga, Fergie, Alessandra Ambrosio and more. Even Diddy gave the book his approval.

“Raphael is a true artist,” Diddy says of the famed fashion photographer in a press release for the book. “He relies on instinct, capturing a raw, natural sense of beauty through his lens.” PEOPLE

I feel like that press release could have been condensed to just: “Dayaaaam! Dat ass!” A few excerpts below including Scherzinger, Keibler, Ambrosio, Kate Upton, Christie Teigan and Irina Shayk. Video also below.

Nicole Scherzinger has a new album coming out along with a new single titled Right There which she filmed a music video for yesterday. The theme is on how to extend your 15 minutes of fame. Step one is to dress in ridiculous outfits which show some skin. As you can see, it’s working.

Nicole Scherzinger showed up to Late Night with Jimmy Fallon wearing this. If she was trying to attention whore, it worked. Her body is amazing and any issues I may have with her style of dress have been replaced by fantasies involving handcuffs and a wet vac.

Is that a portal to the 5th dimension?

You can tell how much interest I have in the Pussycat Dolls because it’s only now that I find out Nicole Scherzinger slipped a nipple during a performance in Amsterdam last week. And holy crap! Can that even be considered a nipple? It’s like a saucer. You could serve Thanksgiving dinner on that thing. Reports of UFO’s must have gone up 120% that night. On second thought, it looks more like a pancake. Like all you have to do is pour maple syrup over it to get a well-balanced breakfast.

Click through either picture for the Not Safe For Life version. Film of it here or after the jump. At 2:00 in.

If you were wondering why people still tolerate the Pussycat Dolls, then may I present to you exhibit A: The 2009 version of PCD. The new models even come complete with knee pads.

Nicole Scherzinger of the Pussycat Dolls took her celebrity to the next level by flashing her panties as she got out of her car to go to club Villa. Oddly enough, there was no evidence of a penis suggesting the Pussycat Dolls may have at least one girl in their sextet. This recent development has left researchers wildly confused. Many even had to sit down because of the shock.