Nicolette Sheridan is suing the creator of Desperate Houswives, Marc Cherry, for assault and battery, gender violence and wrongful termination. Nicolette says Marc slapped her in the face and fired her after she complained.

The $20 million lawsuit alleges Cherry targeted her duing the fitth season of the show. She says she once questioned him about something in the script and “Cherry took her aside and forcefully hit her with his hand acorss her face and hand.” Afterward, Cherry went to her trailer to “beg for forgiveness.” Sheridan complained to ABC but they did nothing.

The suit also claims Teri Hatcher tried going above Cherry’s head once to which Marc said, “I hope Teri Hatcher gets hit by a car and dies.”

ABC tells the LA Times, “While we have yet to see the actual complaint, we investigated similar claims made by Ms. Sheridan last year and found them to be without merit.”

Marc shouldn’t be judged too harshly. Celebrities need to be reigned in. You don’t want them to have a big head or anything. That’s why whenever I direct, I make sure to have a rolled up newspaper nearby so I can swat the actors across the nose if they aren’t giving me the performance I want and then I yell at them, “Bad dog! Bad! Bad!,” and wave my finger in front of their face to show them how disappointed I am. That’s called effective directing.

At a certain age, probably any time after 40, flashing your vagina just seems sad and pathetic. Especially when you don’t even intend to flash your vagina and it just sort of hangs out of your underwear like the jowls on Droopy. If you’re wondering why I’m telling you this, Nicolette Sheridan flashed her labia the other day while getting out of her car. For her 46th, someone should get her bigger panties.

For the love of god, Nicolette Sheridan, can you please grow old with dignity? Is it too much to ask for you to put on a pair of pants? It’s not that hard. I’m doing it right now. I mean, wait, right now. I’ll admit you have a nice ass for a 45-year-old, but you’re a 45-year-old. Staring at you like that makes me real uncomfortable. It’s like getting an erection at the Discovery Museum because someone built Megan Fox out of Legos.

By some miracle of science, Nicolette Sheridan has managed to retain the same body she had in her 20′s. She should be no threat to anyone in her 40′s, but dopey looking celebrities like Nikki Hilton and Tara Reid are already plotting her demise.

More pictures of Nicolette Sheridan in her bikini with Michael Bolton in St. Bart’s came out and this time in one of them her nipple popped out. I can’t help but think that if her nipple could talk it would flamboyantly squeal, “Oh, Haiiii!,” as it wiggled out of her bikini top.

Here’s Nicolette Sheridan in a bikini in St. Bart’s on Christmas. It will forever be remembered as the day Nicolette forgot to check whether the water was receding or not before diving in.