A report earlier this week claimed Lindsay Lohan was ringing in the new year on the Queen Elizabeth 2 in Dubai. Another site confirmed Lindsay’s appearance.

However, sources say Lindsay is pissed because that’s not true and people are just trying to use her name to promote the NYE party on the famed yacht.

Lohan’s rep, Steve Honig, tells TMZ … “Lindsay is not going to Dubai, nor had she ever considered doing so. She will be spending New Year’s Eve in Los Angeles with a few close friends and family.” TMZ

Lindsay’s lawyers are sending out a cease and desist and are thinking about suing if the organizers continue to lie. Which is to be expected. Dina is probably frothing at the mouth hoping they keep using her name so they can sue for $300,000 in lost appearance fees. Though if you really want Lindsay to come to your party for free, just tear out pages from a script and make a trail to your club. She’s so desperate at this point, she’ll be picking them up one by one trying to collate them.

The headline read something like Lady Gaga was going to drop the ball on NYE which I took to meant her last testicle was descending on Dec. 31. Turns out that’s not the case and I’m really bad at interpreting things because what the article was really saying was that Mayor Bloomberg has picked Lady Gaga to drop the Times Square Ball on NYE. She’ll also be performing in Times Square as part of ABC’s 40th annual year-end countdown.

So to repeat, Lady Gaga’s ball has not descended. False alarm, everybody. It’s still right up there in her stomach.

Just yesterday a “source close to Lindsay Lohan” said she was going to keep her NYE low key in order to show everyone she’s no longer a party girl.

Turns out there was an offer she couldn’t refuse. Because it was probably the only one. Instead of ringing in the new year with a few friends, she’ll be spending it on the legendary Queen Elizabeth 2 (QE2) yacht in Dubai partying with Pamela Anderson and former England cricketer Allan Lamb (yes THE Allan Lamb… who?) in what will promise to be a hep-filled night. The ship will be docked while thousands of local dignitaries, VIPs and royals party.

Apart from LiLo and Pamela, Liam Cunningham, US sitcom and film star Lamman Rucker, English model, socialite and aristocrat Lady Victoria Hervey are the other celebs on the guest list. Rumour has it that Kate Moss might attend, as also Roger Federer, Novak Djokovic and Rafael Nadal (who’re all in Abu Dhabi for the Mubadala World Championship from 29 to 31 December). Ahlanlive

It makes sense that the only place that would pay Lindsay her inflated appearance fee is some place in Dubai. The schmuck prince who paid for her will probably be kicking himself the next day when he finds half his diamond collection and Valtrex prescription missing.

Ke$ha started off her performance on Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve by angering network television execs saying, “let’s make 2011 our b*tch!” East Coast censors didn’t catch it in time and bleeped a little after.

Then in the middle of her screechy performance, Ke$ha straddled a Santa Claus and beat on an Easter Bunny piñata. Was this supposed to make sense? Because I don’t get it. I guess it was too high brow for me.

Continuing with her tragic display of childish attention grabbing, just before midnight, Ryan Seacrest asked Ke$ha what her New Year’s resolution is. She replied, “Not become a douchebag.” Ryan shot back, “You can do that.”

O-M-G. Shocking. Just. So. Shocking. Controversial even! Can we stop writing her name with a $ please? It’s so damn annoying. Also, her makeup made her look like a clown on stage. The entire time I thought I was at Ringling Bros. Thank goodness I wasn’t at Times Square on NYE. I would have punched the closest person to me in the face because I’d have been so angry.

Jersey Shore’s Snooki was supposed to be put in a gigantic hamster ball on New Year’s Even and then dropped at midnight like the real Times Square ball but the killjoys in New York nixed the idea after finding out what MTV was planning to do.

“No way would they allow this to take place. MTV rents a position in the Square that night like every other media outlet. You can’t get access to the Square without an official credential. You have to play by the official rules or you get kicked out, which is exactly what has happened to MTV and Snooki.”

Popeater suggests they drop her in New Jersey instead. A really good place though would be the middle of the Atlantic ocean. I hear the weather is nice there this time of year.

In case you missed it, here’s Jennifer Lopez performing in a skin tight suit on New Year’s Eve. I didn’t post it until now because I was dry heaving for four days. Aren’t there decency laws forbidding this? I’d rather watch a greased up Rosie O’Donnell try to wiggle her way through a giant doughnut hole. Ugh. What am I saying? No I wouldn’t. I guess this is marginally better.

Jay-Z, Beyonce, Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon all partied together on NYE. As they should have since they’re all desperate attention whores. Here they are at said celebration. As you can see, Jay-Z is wondering why his wife and Mariah are blocking him out of the shot. Maybe it has to do with the fact that he’s ugly. Dressing like Steve Urkel didn’t help either.

Kathy Griffin was co-hosting CNN’s NYE coverage with Anderson Cooper when someone heckled her. Kathy responded by yelling, “I don’t go to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth!,” which is a line from Mr. Show. This probably went over really well with CNN. They probably gave her an award right after. That Kathy. So edgy!

On the surface, the Jonas Brothers may seem like three mincing gaywads, but look past those innocuous grins and there lies an evil, lecherous monster. At least that’s what it seems like to the police. People reports that the NYPD’s worst fears have come true. The Jonas Brothers are performing on NYE in Times Square. Ahhhh!

The New York Police Department – which has heroically handled terrorist attacks, blackouts and riots without a whimper – is being cautious over the “mob scene” that could result when the Jonas Brothers perform in Times Square at Dick Clark’s New Year’s Rockin’ Eve with Ryan Seacrest on Wednesday night.

“So they’re now planning on using extra [security] men for support,” the source says. “It’s going to be crazy because everyone will be in Times Square to watch them perform on the show.”

How hard can it be to handle a mob of 14-year-old teeny boppers. All you have to do is get on the megaphone and tell them that a friend of a friend said Twilight star Robert Pattinson might be in the opposite direction. And while their brain is trying to figure out what to do, The Jonas Brothers in the hand or Robert Pattinson in the bush, the NYPD can fire rubber bullets into the crowd.

[The Jonas Brothers in Mexico. Image via Splash News]