When Michael Bay isn’t filming Megan Fox washing his Ferrari for his spank bank or dumping supermodels in the middle of the desert, he’s creating For Your Consideration ads like these. Transformers is nominated for Sound Editing, Sound Mixing and Visual Effects at this year’s Academy Awards and Bay really wants to win. According to him, an Oscar would look super sweet on his mantle next to his novelty beer mug and Axe body spray. Adds Bay, “And just think how much pu**y I’d score with that thing.”

When this year’s Oscars is being hosted by Billy Crystal and Hugo is nominated in every single category and the one film that’s probably going to win for Best Picture is a silent film called The Artist, you pretty much know you’re going to be passed out in your pretentious beret 30 minutes in. Nick Nolte did mumble his way to a nomination for Warrior though while Melissa McCarthy butch-ed her way to one in Bridesmaids (a lot of gasps were heard during that one, people). Anyway, here are your nominees.

Best Picture
“The Artist” Thomas Langmann, Producer
“The Descendants” Jim Burke, Alexander Payne and Jim Taylor, Producers
“Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close” Scott Rudin, Producer
“The Help” Brunson Green, Chris Columbus and Michael Barnathan, Producers
“Hugo” Graham King and Martin Scorsese, Producers
“Midnight in Paris” Letty Aronson and Stephen Tenenbaum, Producers
“Moneyball” Michael De Luca, Rachael Horovitz and Brad Pitt, Producers
“The Tree of Life” Nominees to be determined
“War Horse” Steven Spielberg and Kathleen Kennedy, Producers

Actor in a Leading Role
Demián Bichir in “A Better Life”
George Clooney in “The Descendants”
Jean Dujardin in “The Artist”
Gary Oldman in “Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy”
Brad Pitt in “Moneyball”

Actor in a Supporting Role
Kenneth Branagh in “My Week with Marilyn”
Jonah Hill in “Moneyball”
Nick Nolte in “Warrior”
Christopher Plummer in “Beginners”
Max von Sydow in “Extremely Loud & Incredibly Close”

Actress in a Leading Role
Glenn Close in “Albert Nobbs”
Viola Davis in “The Help”
Rooney Mara in “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”
Meryl Streep in “The Iron Lady”
Michelle Williams in “My Week with Marilyn”

Actress in a Supporting Role
Bérénice Bejo in “The Artist”
Jessica Chastain in “The Help”
Melissa McCarthy in “Bridesmaids”
Janet McTeer in “Albert Nobbs”
Octavia Spencer in “The Help”

Animated Feature Film
“A Cat in Paris” Alain Gagnol and Jean-Loup Felicioli
“Chico & Rita” Fernando Trueba and Javier Mariscal
“Kung Fu Panda 2″ Jennifer Yuh Nelson
“Puss in Boots” Chris Miller
“Rango” Gore Verbinski

Art Direction
“The Artist” Production Design: Laurence Bennett; Set Decoration: Robert Gould
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2″ Production Design: Stuart Craig; Set Decoration: Stephenie McMillan
“Hugo” Production Design: Dante Ferretti; Set Decoration: Francesca Lo Schiavo
“Midnight in Paris” Production Design: Anne Seibel; Set Decoration: Hélène Dubreuil
“War Horse” Production Design: Rick Carter; Set Decoration: Lee Sandales

Cinematography
“The Artist” Guillaume Schiffman
“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Jeff Cronenweth
“Hugo” Robert Richardson
“The Tree of Life” Emmanuel Lubezki
“War Horse” Janusz Kaminski

Costume Design
“Anonymous” Lisy Christl
“The Artist” Mark Bridges
“Hugo” Sandy Powell
“Jane Eyre” Michael O’Connor
“W.E.” Arianne Phillips

Directing
“The Artist” Michel Hazanavicius
“The Descendants” Alexander Payne
“Hugo” Martin Scorsese
“Midnight in Paris” Woody Allen
“The Tree of Life” Terrence Malick

Documentary (Feature)
“Hell and Back Again” Danfung Dennis and Mike Lerner
“If a Tree Falls: A Story of the Earth Liberation Front” Marshall Curry and Sam Cullman
“Paradise Lost 3: Purgatory” Charles Ferguson and Audrey Marrs
“Pina” Wim Wenders and Gian-Piero Ringel
“Undefeated” TJ Martin, Dan Lindsay and Richard Middlemas

Documentary (Short Subject)
“The Barber of Birmingham: Foot Soldier of the Civil Rights Movement” Robin Fryday and Gail Dolgin
“God Is the Bigger Elvis” Rebecca Cammisa and Julie Anderson
“Incident in New Baghdad”James Spione
“Saving Face” Daniel Junge and Sharmeen Obaid-Chinoy
“The Tsunami and the Cherry Blossom” Lucy Walker and Kira Carstensen

Film Editing
“The Artist” Anne-Sophie Bion and Michel Hazanavicius
“The Descendants” Kevin Tent
“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Kirk Baxter and Angus Wall
“Hugo” Thelma Schoonmaker
“Moneyball” Christopher Tellefsen

Foreign Language Film
“Bullhead” Belgium
“Footnote”
“In Darkness” Poland
“Monsieur Lazhar” Canada
“A Separation” Iran

Makeup
“Albert Nobbs” Martial Corneville, Lynn Johnston and Matthew W. Mungle
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2″ Edouard F. Henriques, Gregory Funk and Yolanda Toussieng
“The Iron Lady” Mark Coulier and J. Roy Helland

Music (Original Score)
“The Adventures of Tintin” John Williams
“The Artist” Ludovic Bource
“Hugo” Howard Shore
“Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” Alberto Iglesias
“War Horse” John Williams

Music (Original Song)
“Man or Muppet” from “The Muppets” Music and Lyric by Bret McKenzie
“Real in Rio” from “Rio” Music by Sergio Mendes and Carlinhos Brown Lyric by Siedah Garrett

Short Film (Animated)
“Dimanche/Sunday” Patrick Doyon
“The Fantastic Flying Books of Mr. Morris Lessmore” William Joyce and Brandon Oldenburg
“La Luna” Enrico Casarosa
“A Morning Stroll” Grant Orchard and Sue Goffe
“Wild Life” Amanda Forbis and Wendy Tilby

Short Film (Live Action)
“Pentecost” Peter McDonald and Eimear O’Kane
“Raju” Max Zähle and Stefan Gieren
“The Shore” Terry George and Oorlagh George
“Time Freak” Andrew Bowler and Gigi Causey
“Tuba Atlantic” Hallvar Witzø

Sound Editing
“Drive” Lon Bender and Victor Ray Ennis
“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” Ren Klyce
“Hugo” Philip Stockton and Eugene Gearty
“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” Ethan Van der Ryn and Erik Aadahl
“War Horse” Richard Hymns and Gary Rydstrom

Sound Mixing
“The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” David Parker, Michael Semanick, Ren Klyce and Bo Persson
“Hugo” Tom Fleischman and John Midgley
“Moneyball” Deb Adair, Ron Bochar, Dave Giammarco and Ed Novick
“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” Greg P. Russell, Gary Summers, Jeffrey J. Haboush and Peter J. Devlin
“War Horse” Gary Rydstrom, Andy Nelson, Tom Johnson and Stuart Wilson

Visual Effects
“Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2″ Tim Burke, David Vickery, Greg Butler and John Richardson
“Hugo” Rob Legato, Joss Williams, Ben Grossman and Alex Henning
“Real Steel” Erik Nash, John Rosengrant, Dan Taylor and Swen Gillberg
“Rise of the Planet of the Apes” Joe Letteri, Dan Lemmon, R. Christopher White and Daniel Barrett
“Transformers: Dark of the Moon” Scott Farrar, Scott Benza, Matthew Butler and John Frazier

Writing (Adapted Screenplay)
“The Descendants” Screenplay by Alexander Payne and Nat Faxon & Jim Rash
“Hugo” Screenplay by John Logan
“The Ides of March” Screenplay by George Clooney & Grant Heslov and Beau Willimon
“Moneyball” Screenplay by Steven Zaillian and Aaron Sorkin. Story by Stan Chervin
“Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy” Screenplay by Bridget O’Connor & Peter Straughan

Writing (Original Screenplay)
“The Artist” Written by Michel Hazanavicius
“Bridesmaids” Written by Annie Mumolo & Kristen Wiig
“Margin Call” Written by J.C. Chandor
“Midnight in Paris” Written by Woody Allen
“A Separation” Written by Asghar Farhadi

Billy Crystal just announced via Twitter that he’s hosting the big celebrity circle jerk this year otherwise known as the Oscars. A safe choice considering nothing controversial nor memorable happened the last 8 times he hosted.

Am doing the Oscars so the young woman in the pharmacy will stop asking my name when I pick up my prescriptions. Looking forward to the show Twitter

Well, I look forward to not watching the Oscars this year and only reading about how horribly long and boring it was watching celebrities suck each other off despite that sounding much more interesting on paper.

My god, can you believe that’s Billy Crystal up top? Getting old sucks.

Brett Ratner resigned from producing this year’s Oscars on Tuesday due to the backlash from his “rehearsal’s for f*gs” comment and now Eddie Murphy has stepped down as the host as a show of solidarity.

“First and foremost I want to say that I completely understand and support each party’s decision with regard to a change of producers for this year’s Academy Awards ceremony. I was truly looking forward to being a part of the show that our production team and writers were just starting to develop, but I’m sure that the new production team and host will do an equally great job.” Hollywood Reporter

No clear reason as to why but I’m guessing it’s because there wouldn’t be enough f*g jokes or jokes about banging Olivia Munn before she turned Asian. How does one tickle America’s funny bone without those gems?

Brett Ratner may have apologized for saying “rehearsal’s for f*gs” and Academy president Tom Sherak may have accepted his apology but it seems none of that was enough because Ratner has now resigned from producing the Oscar telecast.

The Academy had no comment on post-Ratner plans. Ratner’s Tuesday announcement was the result of industry pressure. Following three days of outrage about his use of a gay slur at a Friday Q&A for “Tower Heist” and his raunchy interview on “The Howard Stern Show” on Monday, Academy president Tom Sherak accepted his resignation by phone Tuesday morning.

In an open letter, Ratner said he “apologizes publicly and unreservedly.”

“I should have known this all along, but at least I know it now: words do matter,” Ratner said. “Having love in your heart doesn’t count for much if what comes out of your mouth is ugly and bigoted.”

The Academy issued a statement Tuesday that included a quote from Sherak, who did a 180-degree shift in tone from his let’s-move-on comments Monday.

“He did the right thing for the Academy and for himself,” Sherak said in the statement. “Words have meaning, and they have consequences. Brett is a good person, but his comments were unacceptable. We all hope this will be an opportunity to raise awareness about the harm that is caused by reckless and insensitive remarks, regardless of the intent.” Variety

The f*g thing was probably just a cover. The Oscars was getting too Asian. He liked it back when it was more white.

On a more serious note, really? Ratner obviously meant f*g as in stupid or lame. He wasn’t attempting to be derogatory. Sure, he should be smart enough to not use the word but it’s not like he was pointing at a gay man, making his wrist go limp and lisping, “Rehearthal’s for f*gth. He knowth what I’m talkin’ about.”

James Franco generally sucked while co-hosting the Oscars with Anne Hathaway. The show itself sucked but at least Anne put in effort. In fact, judging by the way James acted, people thought he was high. He wasn’t, apparently.

Franco went on Letterman and theorized people thought that because Anne Hathaway was so energetic. “I’ve thought about it. I think I know why, because — I love her — but Anne Hathaway is so energetic, I think the Tasmanian Devil would look stoned standing next to Anne Hathaway.”

James added that he hadn’t watched the show and admitted he might have had low energy but “I actually played those lines as well as I could.”

He then pointed out the hypocrisy of Hollywood: “But here’s the hypocritical thing: Leading up the Oscars, I couldn’t hear enough about how, ‘Oh, people don’t care about the Oscars anymore; it’s dead, it’s boring, it’s at the end of a long awards season, who cares about it?’ Well, as soon as you don’t host the way they want you to, they suddenly care and won’t shut up about it!”

Yea, tell me about it, James Franco. First the big wigs are all like “sir, you’re not allowed in there. That’s Megan Fox’s private dressing room,” and then they’re all like “securrriittyyy!” What’s up with that?

News surfaced yesterday that Whoopi Goldberg smoked weed before her Oscar win in 1991. During a voice-over recording session for The Pagemaster in 1992, Whoopi described the “wonderful joint” she smoked to calm her nerves before winning Best Support Actress for Ghost. No one could tell she was baked except for her mother who called her and said she figured it out by her “glistening eyes.”

Now TMZ unearthed a clip from her Oscar speech so you can see for yourself whether or not she was high as f**k. Video re-upped by Dlisted.

Hindsight is 20/20 so, yea, she does seem high, but then again, with that much adrenaline running through someone when they win an Oscar, almost everyone seems high as hell.

Although Anne Hathaway’s Oscar hosting duties didn’t pan out like she’d hoped, she still was the big winner at the end of the night. Mostly because Tiffany’s & Co. paid her $750,000 to wear a necklace. Meanwhile, Gwyneth Paltrow, who performed Coming Home during the telecast, was paid $500,000 to wear earrings, a brooch and ring from Louis Vuitton’s “L’Ame du Voyage” collection.

It’s not the first time Paltrow has been linked to lucrative, hush-hush endorsements. In late 2009, sources told Us Weekly that the actress was compensated to help promote the lavish Hotel La Mamounia in Marrakech, Morroco.

Reps for Paltrow, Hathaway, Vuitton and Tiffany & Co. all tell Us the payment claims are “incorrect.”

Yea, stop inflating the numbers to make the story juicier, Us. $750,000? Preposterous. I mean, it’s probably closer to $725,000. That’s like the difference between a cheeseburger and a double cheeseburger. Amateurs.

James Franco and Anne Hathaway have grown to hate each other ever since bombing the Oscars last Sunday. An insider claims Anne had to provide all the energy while James just phoned it in. They added that producers “were pissed.”

In fact, as UsMagazine.com reported Monday, after the awards, Franco, 32, skipped his own party at L.A.’s The Writer’s Room.

“He went immediately back to NYC because he was pissed about how the show went,” adds a third source.

Franco’s rep responds, “This is absolutely not true,” while Hathaway’s rep says, “Anne had a wonderful experience with him.”

I’d be pissed too if my co-host was just standing around like a lazy lump of Britney Spears. Not even a 5 Hour Energy drink and a Redbull would have woken James up. Anne should have given him this drug called Charlie Sheen. I hear it’ll melt your face off.

Gosh, the Oscars were boring, huh? Anne Hathaway and James Franco bombed and it seemed like James checked out before it even began. Then a dead Bob Hope managed to upstage both of them. I hate when dead people make me look bad so I can’t imagine how they both felt.

On the bright side, a lot of celebrities wore their finest and not so finest dresses for the evening. This is pretty much like prom without the pressure to sleep with your date. I mean, a girl thinks she can rent a guy a limo and get a hotel and I’d he’d just give it up like that? Nuh uh, sweety. You got to put a ring on it.

Anyway, here are your celebrities on the Oscar red carpet before they all went inside to pat each other on the back.

Scarlett Johansson looked great at the Oscars. Although not nominated for anything, she still won honors of the night by wearing a lacy, backless dress with a black slip or something underneath.

If she shook her breasts a little, I’m sure the Academy would have catcalled and threw a bunch of Oscars at her feet.

Anne Hathaway and James Franco hosted the Oscars this year and it was terrible. If it’s any consolation, she did look great in her dress. Critics called her the ghostliest of any actress with her pale, translucent skin.

Backstage she even yelled “boo” at Kirk Douglas giving him a heart attack.

Honestly, I don’t even know why I bother posting the winners considering there’s a 98% chance you already know. However, for the 2% of you who fell asleep during the broadcast and woke up at 2 a.m. mumbling to yourself “wha? is it over? where am I?” and then came straight here, the big Oscar winners are:

- Best Picture: The King’s Speech

- Best Leading Actor: Colin Firth for The King’s Speech

- Best Leading Actress: Natalie Portman for Black Swan

- Best Director: Tom Hooper for The King’s Speech

- Best Supporting Actor: Christian Bale for The Fighter

- Best Support Actress: Melissa Leo for The Fighter

Those are just the important ones. The rest can be found at The Envelope. Inception only managed to pick up Oscars for Cinematography, Sound Editing and Sound Mixing while The Social Network only picked up statues for Adapted Screenplay, Original Music and Film Editing otherwise known as consolation prizes from the Academy.

As always, the Oscars were boring and dull. One of the only rays of the light was when Kirk Douglas slurred his way through presenting the award for Best Support Actress. Halfway through, I was just hoping he’d stand there for 10 minutes rambling until the guy next to him started poking him with his cane.

Photo above is James Franco getting his hair and makeup did.