• Alexander Skarsgard is now the superhero known as Alexander Scarfgard. Just wait until you see that magnificent thing flapping in the wind, said someone prone to double entendres.
• Eva Mendes keeps her figure by eating whatever she wants. As long as that “whatever” she wants is brown rice, vegetables or dark chocolate. How does she do it?!
• Adele is planning on losing weight but she doesn’t “want to be some skinny mini with my tits out.” Boo. Hiss!
• Kristin Cavallari was “unexpectedly” knocked up after reuniting with Jay Cutler and now she’s starting to show.
• Kate Upton, who really needs to start hitting the gym, may be your Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue cover girl.
• Michael Lohan applied to Burger King in Palm Beach, Florida. Lindsay Lohan, this is your future. Muahhahaa!
• Cosmo UK fed Kim Cloutier a lot of drugs then did a photoshoot with her.
• Bar Refaeli got crunk on Twitter.
• So is Melissa Molinaro trying even harder to look like Kim Kardashian now? Way to aim low.
• Don’t worry about Macaulay Culkin, his rep says he’s perfectly healthy. He just dropped to 90 pounds because all the cool kids are doing it.

• Halle Berry petitions just to take Nahla to France to live. Goodbye Gabriel Aubry. [Celebitchy]
• Sharon Stone thinks she’s 25. [Celebslam]
• Miranda Kerr in a bikini with a naked baby. [The Superficial]
• Kardashian photoshop shenanigans. [CityRag]
• Paula Patton sports cameltoe. (Site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
• Kris Humphries lawyers have some questions. [IDLYITW]
• There will be no Trainspotting sequel. [ONTD]
• Amber Rose is quite fashionable while walking her dog. [MoeJackson]
• Olivia Munn is done pandering to you nerds. [Hollywood Rag]

• Kelly Rowland shows off her breasts. [Bossip]
• Emma Stone is in a bikini. [The Superficial]
• No one wants Sasha Grey’s porn money. [TDW]
• Connor Cruise, much like his dad, is humorless. [Lainey]
• Kim Kardsahian reshot scenes to impress Tim Tebow. [Celebitchy]
• Tila Tequila in a bikini. [Hollywood Rag]
• Kelly Brook puts on that bikini in Brazil. [Yeeeah]
• Lauren Budd is in lingerie. [GCeleb]
• Miley Cyrus taking fashion tips from Taylor Momsen. [Evil Beet]
• Vacation with the Ravens cheerleaders. [Busted Coverage]
• Alessandra Ambrosio pregnant in a see-through shirt. [MoeJackson]

Allistair Overeeem is the UFC fighter who kneed Brock Lesnar into retirement. Here he is dancing like a dork.

• Jennifer Aniston still talking about Brad Pitt. [Celebitchy]
• Amanda Seyfried is not a slut. [Celebslam]
• Katharine McPhee shoes her breasts on Smash. (Site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
• Christina Aguilera is an inconvenience. [IDLYITW]
• Sophie Turner not dressed like a prostitute for once. [MoeJackson]
• Maxim’s Super Bowl party seemed fun. [Busted Coverage]
• Harry Potter wants to bang Ryan Gosling. [The Superficial]

• Ashley Tisdale wears those short shorts. [Hollywood Tuna]
• Amber Rose is mad. [Bossip]
• Jessica Simpson’s breasts were rooting for the Pats. [Celebitchy]
• Stacy Keibler went to party. [MoeJackson]
• Kate Middleton is in a bikini. [GCeleb]
• Hilary Duff is beyond pregnant. [Popoholic]
• Courtney Love may sue her daughter now. [StarPulse]
• JWoww is very classy. [The Superficial]
• Kristin Wiig does a good Lana Del Rey. [EvilBeet]

Women empowerment, ra ra ra. I’d like to call this Battle Royale for girls.

• Does Jamie Lynn Spears think Teen Mom is brave? Of course she does. [The Superficial]
• Justin Theroux is having a hard time playing “Mr. Jennifer Aniston.” Maybe because people keep on calling him “Mr. Jennifer Aniston.” [Celebitchy]
• No words can describe Cameron Diaz’s beauty. Unless there’s a word that’s worse than “hideous.” Is there? [Celebslam]
• What was Selita Ebanks doing at the Jersey Couture premiere? That’s probably a rhetorical question. If not, it’s “gettin’ paid!” [MoeJackson]
• Demi Moore probably partook in that penis cake. [Yeeeah]
• Daniel Radcliffe can’t handle his liquor. [EvilBeet]
• Azealia Banks opens up about going both ways. [Bossip]
• Rihanna and Drake at the Roxbury. I hope no studio exec looks at that line and thinks “I got an idea for a movie.” [Lainey]
• Kim Kardashian and her butt left the gym. Yes, we’re at the point that Kim’s ass is now a separate entity to report on. [GCeleb]

• Seal’s ex confirms he’s not a nice person. [Celebitchy]
• Are you saying Paris Hilton has a downy face? [Celebslam]
• Karina Smirnoff in a bikini. [The Superficial]
• Nicki Minaj has a boring rider. [CityRag]
• Penelope Cruz shows skin for PETA (Site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
• Christina Hendricks does Cosmo. [IDLYITW]
• Lizzy Caplan finally back on TV. [ONTD]
• Kim Kardashian desperately whores herself out. [MoeJackson]
• Lucy Lawless most gorgeous in 2012? [Hollywood Rag]
• Kevin Durant is not impressed. [Busted Coverage]

• Scarlett Johansson dating an ad exec now. [TDW]
• It’s Courtney Cox’s cleavage. [The Superficial]
• Brad Pitt and Jonah Hill want those Oscars. [Lainey]
• Charlize Theron does crazy convincingly. [Holy Moly]
• Russell Brand wants Zooey Deschanel now. [Celebitchy]
• Britney Spears went bowling. [Hollywood Rag]
• Keira Knightley is getting really skinny. [Yeeeah]
• Daniela Degraux is hot in Che Magazine. [GCeleb]
• Joseph Gordon-Levitt isn’t a dirty hipster dammit. [Evil Beet]
• Turkey seems fun. [Busted Coverage]
• America’s Next Top Model Monique Weingart does the bikini. [MoeJackson]
• Pfizer’s birth control pills don’t work. [Bossip]

Also, Kristen Bell may be crazy.

• Amber Rose confirms her tattoo is… fake. Obviously. [Bossip]
• Jennifer Lopez will present at the Oscars. [Celebitchy]
• Jennifer Love Hewitt was shopping for sex toys. [Celebslam]
• Sophie Monk does what she does best. Wear a bikini. (Site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
• Ashton Kutcher is mad. Throws a tantrum. [IDLYITW]
• Leonardo DiCaprio wants to direct. [Celebs]
• Taylor Swift doesn’t mind using a public restroom. [MoeJackson]
• This Georgia cheerleader is 100% real. [Busted Coverage]
• Christina Aguilera has given up. [Dlisted]
• Snoop Dogg endorses Ron Paul. [The Superficial]
• The uni-boob gown. [Daily Fix]

After the jump, Season 3 of Eastbound & Down.

• Most important news of the day: Arrested Development is finally coming back. [HuffPo]
• Lucy Pinder shows off her bikini cleavage. [Hollywood Tuna]
• South Africa gets a little racist over condom ads. [Bossip]
• Jessica Simpson’s lips are pregnant. [Celebitchy]
• Minka Kelly glams up the Bacardi party. [MoeJackson]
• Femme fatales are at the beach. [GCeleb]
• Bar Refaeli gets leggy. [Popoholic]
• Chloe Sevigny embraces androgyny. [Celebs]
• Rihanna responds to tattoo criticism. [Yeeeah]
• MTV tried to punk Neil Patrick Harris but it’s Neil Patrick Harris, he can’t get punked. [StarPulse]
• LeAnn Rimes likes the wieners. [The Superficial]
• Jean Dujaridin gets phallic. [Dlisted]
• Busy Phillips is a terrible dresser. [EvilBeet]

• If I was Lady Gaga’s boyfriend, I’d hate her too. [IDLYITW]
• Irina Shayk is topless. But not real topless. Advertising campaign topless. Site NSFW. [Drunken Stepfather]
• Selita Ebanks does FHM. [Yeeeah]
• Matthew Broderick is good corporate shill. [Evil Beet]
• Gabriel Aubry feels like he’s living in a police state. [Celebitchy]
• Hey, everyone, look how tough Carey Hart is. [Celebslam]
• Taylor Swift’s next album is dedicated entirely to Jake Gyllenhaal. [The Superficial]
• Prachi Desai is in Maxim. [GCeleb]

• Tom Cruise. Riding in a teacup. Need I say more? [Dlisted]
• Diabetes is just a disease made up by the Big Insulin Corporations. [TDW]
• We’re doomed, Liam Neeson may convert to Islam. [Celebitchy]
• We almost had to suffer through another Paris Hilton leaked picture scandal again. [Celebslam]
• You’re going to want to see these pictures of Vanessa Hudgens almost losing her bikini top. [The Superficial]
• Kim Kardashian smokes our ass. [CityRag]
• Ashley Tisdale trying very hard to be interesting (Site NSFW) [Drunken Stepfather]
• Lovelace looks disappointing [IDLYITW]
• Oh, good, LMFAO will be performing with Madonna at the Super Bowl. Maybe we’ll get to see Madonna shake her package. [ONTD]
• Sophie Barrett wants you to stop eating meat and apparently eat her instead. [MoeJackson]
• Michael Phelps a panty creamer? [Hollywood Rag]
• Police are trying to find a Georgia fan who showed a woman his dong. [Busted Coverage]
• Want to tell someone you love them without getting all gushy? [SFC]

Katherine Heigl’s One for the Money, an adaptation of Janet Evanovich’s series, bears such a striking resemblance to The Bounty Hunter that some may call it a rip off but Hollywood is full of unoriginal people so this probably came about naturally.

• Sloppy bjs increase the risk of cancer? Someone warn patrons of the next club Paris Hilton is at. [Bossip]
• Joan Rivers accuses Chelsea Handler of getting ahead in life by laying on her back for execs. Handler, shrugs, lays on her back. [The Superficial]
• Sam Taylor-Wood and Aaron Johnson had a second daughter. This wouldn’t be news but Sam is 44 and Aaron was just legally allowed to drink. [Lainey]
• Tim and Eric’s Billion Dollar Movie being strange is already a given. [Holy Moly]
• LeAnn Rimes still trying to make her music career happen. [Celebitchy]
• Katherine Heigl hams it up for the red carpet. [Hollywood Rag]
• If you didn’t know, Lana del Rey is completely manufactured indie singer who injected her lips and told studios they could do whatever they wanted to her as long as she got famous. Sort of like Ke$ha. Anyway, she’s in Complex. [Yeeeah]
• Just Minka Kelly looking hot. [GCeleb]
• This is apparently one of the signs that Demi Lovato is going back to rehab. [Evil Beet]
• Kate Beckinsale looks hot as ever. [MoeJackson]
• Nick Cannon is back in the hospital. But only for a day. Exciting story, huh? [TDW]

James Franco also released a trailer for his show Undergrads which looks totally fake. Isn’t everyone supposed to be in the library studying? That’s what college is about, right?

James Franco on WhoSay