Pamela Anderson turned 44 on July 1st according to Wikipedia and IMDB so I have no idea why she celebrated her birthday on July 30th at Chateau Nightclub & Gardens in Vegas.

Whatever the case may be, she looks like hell. Like an evil being from Greek mythology. She could yell “Boo!” at Medusa and Medusa would flail her hands in the air and run away shrieking.

Why are people taking her picture, anyway? What has she done lately? I understand she was one of the original Baywatch girls but I feel that accomplishment should only carry someone for so long. Can someone drag her kicking and screaming into obscurity. Please?

Either Pamela Anderson found a working time machine or a really good Photoshop editor. I’m pretty sure these pictures could be used as evidence in a false advertisement lawsuit.

In all honesty, Pam Anderson doesn’t look bad for a 60-year-old. Wait. What? She’s 43? Yikes!

Moving on then. Pam needs to start wearing a bra. Wearing see-through dresses was cute in her 20′s, commendable in her 30′s but now it’s just sad. Here she is at the roast of David Hasselhoff showing off her areolas. Also included is David Hasselhoff posing next to a creepy effigy of himself.

On a side note, how sad is it that at Hasselhoff’s own roast, the roasters mention David for 5 seconds then go on to make fun of someone else. Like when Seth MacFarlane made a quick joke about Hasselhoff, then went on to make fun of Pamela Anderson for the next three minutes. Video after the jump.

The California Franchise Tax Board released their annual list of delinquent taxpayers owing more than $100,000 to the state and guess who’s on it? Pamela Anderson! She failed to pay $493,000 in personal income tax. A lien was filed against her in April 2009.

It’s amazing that Pamela can even owe that much. Doesn’t she live in a trailer while her house is being “renovated”. The only photos I see of her are at small events or stumbling drunk out of clubs or being gross on a runway. Sure, she’s on Dancing With the Stars this season but it can’t pay that much. I can’t imagine anyone paying her more than $100 for those appearances and maybe throwing in a couple of hot showers to sweeten the deal.

[Fame]

Here’s Pamela Anderson leaving Guys & Dolls drunk as hell. Her dress is wet from either spilled alcohol or vomit or the last remnants of her dignity.

By the way, this fug mess has kids, right? She does? Okay. Good. Someone should go remind her. They’re probably locked in the house trying to catch rats for food right now.

[Fame, Pacific Coast News]

Photogs patiently waited outside of Pamela Anderson’s home to get these shots. Although I don’t know why they would. This is like waiting for the Yeti to appear or that witch from Hansel and Gretel to come out of her gingerbread house. Actually, more like the last one, really.

Pamela Anderson continued her fashion show assault for designer Richie Rich. Why? People don’t want to see her in a see-through dress. She’s got to be 50 or something and her makeup makes her look high. This doesn’t even make me want to buy the clothes. The most it makes me want to do is scrub myself with an iron loofah.

No one wants Pamela Anderson in their movies and her clothing line bombed so guess what? Pam is heading to Dancing With the Stars, a place where the once famous go before they’re put out to pasture. In a puzzling statement, Radar says this is a move “that’s sure to boost the male viewing audience.”

What male audience is this? The blind? No one who’s seen recent photos of Pamela Anderson think she’s hot anymore. She looks so old and gross. Her face is all leathery and she makes herself up like a whore. The only way you can get an erection from that is if you forced yourself to by sticking a metal rod in your penis.

I’m happy to report that Pamela Anderson hosted another one of her fashion shows at Club Play in Miami last night. This time of a line she launched with friend Ritchie Rich. Now you’ll be up to date on what not to wear unless you want to look like a disease ridden hooker.

Pamela should really think about getting a younger, hotter girl to be her proxy at these events like in that movie Surrogates. But the good news is 20 people did show up. Not only that, Pamela got to take home the leftovers. The bad news, however, is all 20 guests thought the A*Muse event was a comedy show. Maybe that’s both bad news.

Not really though. Who didn’t know Pamela Anderson liked big penises. When people ask Pamela, “Hey, Pamela. Do you like big penises?,” it’s always a rhetorical question. They already know the answer. It’s always “yes”, Pamela loves big penises. It’s like asking Tiger Woods if he likes whores. What are you? Stupid? Of course he does.

Apparently, quite a few people mistook Pam Anderson’s Coors Light stomach bloat for a baby bump while she was in London earlier this week. Her “fashion designer” friend, Richie Rich, came to her defense with, “She’s not pregnant, not broke and just happy.” This is great news for the baby that never was. On top of contracting the venereal disease lurking in Pam’s birth canal, this child would’ve had to deal with seeing Pam’s haggard face and wretched body everyday. And no one, especially infants, should ever have to endure that.

Flashing your panties to the snow won’t make falling on your ass any more forgiving. If you’re Pamela Anderson, it might even make it worse. That would make snow tense up so badly that it’d turn into ice. You could break your face falling on that. Although in Pamela’s case, that may be an improvement.

People in the UK are kind of weird. Case in point: They did a documentary on Pamela Anderson called Pamela Anderson: At Home with Joe. In the interview, Pamela says she cries every time she visits her partly-renovated house which has left her $5 million in debt and sued by five construction companies who claim she owes them $1 million. Pamela cries, “I’m going to sell it. I hate it. People commit suicide over constructions. Relationships break down over constructions and I can see why. It rips your heart out.”

Pamela promises she has the money to pay off the debt, but says she still has to decide if their invoices are “fair.” She also concedes that the recession and a series of bad investments have severely affected her bank account.

You start to feel sorry for Pamela until they start filming around the house and she starts explaining all the renovations she’s doing. One of them is a pool area with platinum tiles. “This is where the magic happens. I’m tiling the floor with platinum – that’s expensive,” says Pamela. Later on Pamela whines, “I’m a little girl with two kids – how could you screw me?”

Oh, boo hoo. Maybe you should have thought of that before tiling your floor out of Cartier jewelry and lining your toilet bowl with gold trim or whatever the hell you plan to do. I hear plebeian tile is much less expensive. Try that. Then again, maybe I’m being too harsh. Maybe we should all pity the poor celebrity with two kids who can’t tile her floor with platinum like all the other rich people. Call the waahmbulance. And that little girl with two kids line only works when you’re demure and humble and not forcing kids to hold up your dress during awards ceremonies.