Prince William is banned

Palace officials made the wise decision to ban Prince William from being within a 50 mile radius of the Paris Hilton on New Year’s Eve.

Paris Hilton wants to hook-up

After being dumped by Warner Bros., Paris Hilton is looking for a record label willing to partner with her own independent label, Heiress Records, to release a followup to her 2006 flop, Paris.

Paris Hilton is regressing

Now that she ditched her ball and chain Benji Madden, Paris can get back to doing what she does best.

Benji Madden and Paris Hilton break up

Star Magazine surprisingly beat everybody to the punch by reporting that Benji Madden, the other Good Charlotte, and Paris Hilton broke up and proved that if you throw enough darts blindfolded at a dartboard, you’re bound to hit a bulls-eye.

Two timer!

Paris Hilton, tired of her sham relationship with Benji Madden or just tired of Benji Madden in general, was reunited with ex-boyfriend Stavros Niachros at Miami nightclub Mokai on Saturday night.

Someone credible hired Paris Hilton

Paris Hilton will join Charlotte Rampling, Allison Janney and Ciaran Hinds in Todd Solondz’s “part sequel, part variation” companion piece to his 1998 film, Happiness.

Paris Hilton voted

Just so you know, Paris Hilton exercised her right to vote yesterday and used it as another opportunity for a photo shoot.

It’s all because of Paris

Whoever becomes our nation’s next president, Obama or McCain, will owe Paris Hilton their undying gratitude.

Aww, poor baby

Poor Paris spoke to News of the World and complained about being used by past boyfriends to boost their fame.

Paris Hilton bought a brothel

LA socialite and notorious imbecile Paris Hilton loves London so much that she’s bought a place there.

Paris Hilton is a big, lazy jerk

Paris Hilton has been been sued by the distributor of National Lampoon’s Pledge This! for failing to adequately promote the film.

Paris Hilton has a response

Last week, John McCain ran an ad which called Barack Obama a bigger celebrity than Paris and Britney and questioned his readiness to lead.