Patricia Heaton showed up on Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? and proceeded to insult everyone not from the Midwest by implying they’re not as nice or smart. Then she insulted everyone who went to Ohio State. Suffice to say, Patricia was on fire last night. Heaton finally shut up long enough for Regis to ask his question which was, “If a euro is worth $1.50, five euros is worth what?” The choices were, A: Thirty quarters, B: Fifty dimes, C: Seventy nickels, D: Ninety pennies.

An excruciating minute of whining later, she called her husband for help. That ended up in total failure. She then whined and cried some more. Regis had to tell her she didn’t lose yet and walked her through the math. She eventually got the answer, but now everyone wanted to punch her in her stupid face. So who’s the real loser here?

Patricia Heaton was at the beach doing her best impersonation of Cartman from South Park. “I’m not fat, I’m big boned!” You might also be alarmed that she has no belly button. As you should be. That shit be fuckin’ craayzzeeee.