Rod Stewart, 63, and wife Penny Lancaster, 37, went sailing off the Italian isle of Capri. As weirdos are apt to do, they thought it would be a good time to gross everyone out so Penny slipped out one of her nipples and Rod sucked on it.

There’s nothing grosser than watching an old man do something sexual. This is made more disturbing by the matching pink outfits they were wearing. They’re like the creepy couple that look normal from the outside, but when you’re alone with them, they ask you if you’re into “trying new things.” You say no, but then Rod puts his hand on your thigh making you really nervous and confused. Your first instinct is to flee, but you think, “there might be some money in this,” so you put on the leather mask, stuff the ball gag in your mouth and start whipping Rod with a metal coat hanger while his wife fellates you. When all is said and done, you leave with your money and new found shame and vow to never speak of it again. Images NSFW.