For the second time in two years, Olivia Munn poses naked for PETA and tells everyone she rather go naked than wear fur. Is this the new What Would You Do for a Klondike Bar? What else would you rather do than wear fur, Olivia Munn? Oh, the public is just dyyying to know. In fact, why don’t you tell us while I put my fingers in my ears and go “Lalalalala.”

Janet Jackson partnered with Blackglama to sell a luxury mink pelt collection of 15 items including coats and gloves which will be sold at high-end stores. Suffice to say, fat chance of finding the collection at Walmart.

“The art of fashion is one of my great passions. I’ve worked for years to bring a collection into the world. Partnering with Blackglama is very exciting,” she said.

“When we began preparation for the second Blackglama campaign, Janet became very involved in the design process. The result was an amazing collection of Blackglama garments and accessories that reflect Janet’s tremendous sense of style and fashion,” said Mike McCrea, VP of Marketing for Blackglama.

“This is one of the most visually appealing and innovative Blackglama collections I have seen.” IB Times

However, this announcement has one dork in a tizzy. A long time fan was so disgusted by the news that he’s now decided to get a life. Sean Oltersdorf of Michigan was so upset that he’s eBay-ing his entire 25-year-plus collection of Janet items which include posters, magazines, photos and vinyl.

“I am a long-time Janet Jackson fan — or, I should say, I used to be. I am disgusted and have decided I want to auction off my entire 25 years-plus of Janet items and donate the proceeds to PETA,” said Oltersdorf.

Asked if he’s going to sell his Janet Jackson hair-doll he made out of strands of Janet’s hair he collected after sneaking into her dressing room during her concerts, he clutched Ms. Jackson to his chest and hissed.

Elisabetta Canalis broke up with George Clooney a while ago but she’s still trying to make it big in America. Her plan so far has been to appear on Dancing With the Stars, a show usually reserved for celebs on their way down, and PETA’s “I rather go naked than wear fur” campaign, home to all of your favorite D-listers. Here she is in the latter. Yes, Elisabetta Canalis’ star is rising faster than Apollo 13.

PETA, realizing that sex sells, will launch a porn site in the near future that will hopefully convince people eating meat is bad.

“We live in a 24 hour news cycle world and we learn the racy things we do are sometimes the most effective way that we can reach particular individuals,” said PETA spokeswoman Lindsay Rajt.

“We really want to grab people’s attention, get them talking and to question the status quo and ultimately take action, because the best way we can help the greatest number of animals is simply by not eating them.”

“PETA’s sexy side displayed in galleries and videos will quickly give way to the sinister world of animal mistreatment uncovered by the group’s hidden camera investigations in a very different kind of graphic content.”

“There will be a lot of girl and boy next door content, but we haven’t ruled out celebrities on the site as well,” said Rajt. “People who are extraordinarily dedicated to helping animals and who are willing to do whatever it takes to draw attention to the suffering they endure.”

Are they saying they’re going to intersperse their porn with images and videos of animal mistreatment? Because it’s going to be hard for me to masturbate to naked chicks while a chicken gets de-beaked in the background. Not impossible, mind you, but very difficult.

Hulk Hogan celebrated his 58th birthday on Thursday at an art gallery of PETA’s newest exhibit titled “Women in Cages” which features a nude Brooke Hogan in a pet crate. To any normal dad, this would have been slightly uncomfortable, but Hulk isn’t a normal dad. See, when Brooke asks him to put sunscreen on her, he’s the kind of loving father that’ll get all up in there.

The exhibit itself was pretty lame though. PETA wanted to draw a parallel between putting humans in crates and putting animals in crates. This would have made a lot more sense if they gave Brooke a crate that fit her instead of stuffing her in there like her dad’s hand in her ass.

Anyway, the birthday celebration included cake and Hulk getting kissed by his 20-year-old daughter and 20-year-old girlfriend. Is it creepy that I can’t tell which is Brooke and which is Jennifer McDaniel? Also, when does he ask for the threesome? Before or after the cake?

Elisabetta Canalis stripped down for a PETA campaign because being George Clooney’s girlfriend can’t be a full time job. I mean, you’d assume it would be, but it isn’t. You have so much to learn.

PETA released a new ad to Buzzfeed which is actually the “casting session” from an old ad they offered NBC $3 million to run during the Super Bowl in 2009. The Super Bowl one was titled Veggie Love and featured a bunch of girls getting it on with vegetables. NBC declined.

This year, PETA is back with the casting session from the 2009 spot which is even more explicit. This is pretty much porn.

The girls were given one task: make vegetables sexy. It starts off like one of those modeling interviews turned porn shoots and eventually, devolves into all the models deep-throating and licking phallic vegetables.

Then there was one confused chick who rubbed radishes all over herself and asked if it was sexy. Uh, not really, sweety.

Tommy Lee fired off a letter to SeaWorld on behalf of PETA condemning the park of keeping Tilikum the killer whale in captivity only because “he is your chief sperm bank.” What pisses off Tommy even more though is how they get the sperm.

“We know from SeaWorld’s own director of safety (as well as videos on the web) that the way you get his sperm is by having someone get into the pool and masturbate him with a cow’s vagina filled with hot water.”

“Even in my wildest days with Motley Crue, I never could’ve imagined something so sick and twisted.”

I bet that last part isn’t true but SeaWorld went “eww” anyway and issued a denial.

“If Mr. Lee’s information on Tilikum and SeaWorld’s artificial insemination program for killer whales comes from PETA we’re not surprised that it’s wrong. PETA is as careless with facts as they are extreme in their views.”

“The process of collecting semen for [artificial insemination] doesn’t differ in any meaningful way from the techniques employed in managing livestock or other species for zoological display.”
“Contrary to the charges made by PETA and repeated in Lee’s letter, our trainers do not now nor have they ever entered the water with Tilikum for this purpose. The safety of SeaWorld staff and the welfare of our animals are our highest priorities.”

“Whatever his views on SeaWorld, Mr. Lee would be wise to spend more time checking his facts.

SeaWorld could have also argued that in Tommy Lee’s sex tape, he also masturbated with a cow’s vagina filled with hot water. *Snaps fingers in air, goes ‘mmm, hmm, girlfriend’*

PETA released a new ad featuring Jessica and Lisa Origliasso of The Veronicas holding up skinned rabbits with the tagline “Here’s The Rest Of Your Fur Coat.” Jessica had this to say about fur, “Designers that still use fur, to us it is just ignorant, it is unnecessary and it is unacceptable. We don’t want to be an ignorant generation, we want to inform people. We can be the generation that makes a difference.”

First of all, those rabbits better be some fancy CGI. Second of all, doesn’t every generation say they want their generation to make a difference but they end up making very little difference? That’s why I don’t do anything or aspire to anything. Seems like a lot of work, you know?

PETA has slammed Brooke Shields for visiting Kopenhagen Fur’s workshop back in March and saying, “I will advocate that both my generation and the younger generation can wear fur. I will wear the fur garment when I follow my children to school, when I drink coffee and when I sleep.”

PETA took the troll bait and posted a response to Brooke. They wrote, “When I was a little girl, I dreamed about growing up to be a rock star. Or maybe a veterinarian. Or a roller derby queen. I didn’t dream about anally electrocuting animals on fur farms, but apparently Brooke Shields did.”

Then they get more bitchy, adding: “We understand that when some actors’ careers begin to fade, they’ll do just about anything to stay in the limelight, including appearing in eyelash-growing commercials and starring in short-lived TV shows. But Brooke, did you really want the world to remember you as a ‘fur pimp’ who stares agog at rows of animal skins?”

To be fair, when someone dreams of anally electrocuting animals on fur farms, one has to follow their dream. That’s what Kevin Costner taught me in Field of Dreams. Like, one time I dreamed of eating ice cream. And I did it! I followed through and it was totally worth it. Kevin Costner would have been proud.

Olivia Munn posed nude for PETA to help save the elephants. They’re nature’s most valued resource! At least that’s what I read that in some magazine. I think.

Olivia explains, “When you look at something like the circus and everyone’s laughing and there’s color and there’s music and everything seems so great, but when you go right behind that door and they’re in these crates all day long and then they’re getting shocked and beat just so they can get up and dance around on a ball … it was just so sickening.” Please join Olivia in helping to stop cruelty under the big top and spread the word about this important issue to everyone you know!

Could this be one huge metaphor for Hollywood? Hollywood being the circus and actors being the elephants? Maybe. But only if behind the velvet ropes, the elephants made millions of dollars, have riders demanding fresh squeezed orange juice and have a drinking and/or drug problem. Also, if the younger elephants breaking into the industry had to blow their trainers (re: casting agents) for a spot in the big show. Then, yea. Totally a metaphor.

As  promised, PETA seized the opportunity and released a statement regarding Kim Kardashian’s treatment of pussy saying:

“Kim Kardashian isn’t the only person who mistakenly thinks that because a mother cat picks up her kittens by the scruff of the neck that a supportive hand under the rump isn’t needed.”

Notably, this statement wasn’t filled with as much righteous indignation as others have been, but Kim responded on her blog regardless.

Hey guys! So yesterday I was doing a photo shoot with an adorable black kitty cat and I Twitpic’d this picture… I have been getting negative comments regarding the way I was holding the kitty, but rest assured, the owner and vet were on set and showed me how to pick him up. The cat was not harmed in any way and is perfectly fine! I love animals and would never do anything to harm any animals.

There you have it. The owner and a vet were there to make sure Kim didn’t abuse that pussy. Still, I don’t think the cat minded. Mother cats do that all the time. Plus, if people keep babying cats, they’ll grow up weak and sheltered and all the other cats will make fun of them and call them names like “mama’s boy” and steal their lunch money and and I don’t want to talk about it, okay?

Joanna Krupa is in a new PETA ad with wings and a halo with only a cross covering her naked body. Obviously, this pissed off the church. Let’s see what a crazy online magazine publisher has to say.

“It’s totally inappropriate,” said Deal Hudson, publisher of InsideCatholic.com, an online magazine. “It’s another instance of disrespect toward Christianity and another example of the kind of abuse that would never occur with any other major religion, because the outcry would be so immediate and so loud that the people behind it would immediately retreat.”

“The fact is that cats and dogs are a lot safer in pet stores than they are in the hands of PETA employees,” Catholic League President Bill Donohue said in a statement. “Moreover, pet stores don’t rip off Christian iconography and engage in cheap irreligious claims.”

“PETA is a fraud,” Donohue continued. “It also has a long and disgraceful record of exploiting Christian and Jewish themes to hawk its ugly services. Those who support this organization sorely need a reality check. They also need a course in Ethics 101.”

Krupa responded:

“I think worrying about going topless in a photo shoot or film is really ridiculous,” she told FoxNews.com’s Pop Tarts column in an exclusive interview. “And the fact is, Pope John Paul said, since we were born naked, it is art, and it’s just showing a beautiful body that God created.”

Oh, whatever. Get over it. It’s not like she was nailed naked to the cross with “Jesus Saves. Dogs.” written under her. As far as the ad goes, it could have been a lot worse. She could have used those rosary beads as anal beads. I’m not sure what that would have to do with saving animals, but, uh, hey, what’s that behind you?