If you hadn’t heard, Sean Penn and Petra Nemcova are back together. The two were seen holding hands during Bono’s birthday party in NYC on May 10 where they mingled and left together. A source says Petra hooked up with Sean right after splitting with her ex-fiance Jamie Belman.

Here they are attending the Carnival in Cannes photocall. And as you can see, part of what drew Petra back to Sean was that sweet pedo-stache he’s growing. Legend has it that the pedo-stache bestows upon its wearers the power of raw animal magnetism. Oh and also a place on the FBI’s Child Crimes Unit’s watch list.

I’m still on the fence about Petra Nemcova. When she’s off, her face gets bloated and it reminds me of a chipmunk. When she’s on, she looks hot as hell. Like in these photos for instance. Her top half is 90% breast. She’s pretty much breasts and legs. I tried making a robot like that once, but it turns out you need to be some sort of engineer to program that thing. So I just bought a sex slave. I’d rather have the robot though. This girl keeps yelling for la policia. What does that mean?

Petra Nemcova did a spread for DT magazine where she’s naked and on blocks of ice. I have no understanding at all about the artistic nature of this, but she’s nude, so, hell yeah?

I have mixed feelings about Petra Nemcova. There’s no denying she has a fantastic body, but there’s something about her face. Sometimes she looks like a chipmunk and sometimes she looks really hot and other times she looks old, like, dusty vagina old. Is this one of god’s cruel jokes like the platypus and the star-nosed mole?

Petra Nemcova attended amfAR’s Cinema Against AIDS 2008 Benefit in Cannes and it worked. Her boobs popping out all over the place really helped to highlight the dangers of unprotected sex and may be a step in the right direction in ending the global epidemic of the AIDS.

Petra Nemcova showed up on the red carpet of Cannes for the premiere of Un Conte De Neol Preem looking like this. Bitch. I wore the exact same thing.

Petra Nemcova and Sean Penn showed up at the Elton John Oscars after-party together. As a couple. Yea, I’m confused too. And, my god, what is that? Is that a smile? Is Sean Penn smiling? Hell has finally frozen over.

Here we see Avril playing dress-up with Petra Nemcova. For this classy occasion, she refrained from spitting on people and flipping them off. Sadly, no designer gown can help this tomboy. Stick to the jeans and t-shirts. Also, try not to pose with people more beautiful or taller than you. A good rule of thumb is: If your head bumps into their chin, stay out of the shot. - CS

Here’s Petra Nemcova dressed as Cleopatra yesterday. Did you know Cleopatra was responsible for Egypt being conquered by Rome? How you ask? Well, the Egyptian soldiers couldn’t mount any sort of defense because they were all too busy whacking off to a papyrus drawing of her in their bathrooms. I read that somewhere. Possibly in a book. Consider yourself educated.

Petra Nemcova made an appearance at the 4th Annual Black Ball Concert for Keep a Child Alive. Not enough models try to keep kids alive with their cleavage. It’s like a really cheap shot of penicillin. A really cheap, seductively sweet, appendage engorging shot of penicillin. Boobs. What CAN’T they do?

Thank god for models like Petra Nemcova to give us upskirt and cleavage shots. Without these simple pleasures in life, I’d kill myself. Well, probably not. Maybe just stick myself with a knife. Eh, not even that. I’d probably sit there looking sad for a while and then eat some chocolate. Chocolate makes everything better.

When, Petra Nemcova recently broke up with James Blunt. The nation heaved a sigh of relief, anyone who saw them together always thought how nice it was for Petra to take her kid brother with Down Syndrome out to play. Evidently, Petra is easy. She was spotted at Bungalow 8 partying with Paris’ ex, Stavros Niarchos. Page Six says,

“She was grinding him,” our witness said. “It was pretty gross. I mean, he used to sleep with Paris. Eww.” A rep for Nemcova said, “I haven’t heard of this.”

You could be missing half your face and Petra would still give you a handjob at the movie theater. Good news for me since my dates involve an imaginary tea party followed by cupcakes I made in my EZ Bake oven. After which, Petra will be like putty in my hands. But wait, before we get to it, I gotta turn all my stuffed animals around so they’re facing the wall. I’m shy.

People have confirmed that James Blunt and Petra Nemcova split in February which lends more credence to the Blunt and Lohan rumor. They say the split was very amicable. Sure, if by amicable you mean James Blunt was clinging to Petra’s leg begging her not to leave. I could hear James shouting from where I live, “Please don’t leave me! Who will love me now? I’m the Elephant Man!” Then I heard he put a paper bag over his head and ran out crying, but knocked himself out after he charged into a telephone pole because he forgot to cut out little holes for his beady eyes. James Blunt is ugly.