In response to Lindsay Lohan posing nude in a Marilyn Monroe shoot for the 50th time, Hugh Hefner tweeted the other day, “The Lindsay Lohan January-February Double Issue is breaking sales records.” Either Hugh must be senile or Playboy is doing really poorly because Fox News says no one wants to see a watered down Lindsay Lohan shoot they’ve seen a thousand times already.

But not many consumers are paying for that experience. In fact, interest seems low in seeing Lohan’s intensely air-brushed impersonation of Marilyn Monroe in glossy print. Fox411 spent Friday morning trolling the shelves of newsstands and gas stations from New York to Philadelphia only to be confronted with the same reality at each: Lohan’s glassy-eyed stare peaking above the backs of more family friendly fare, with no one staring back or making a purchase. Fox 411

Since no one wanted to comment on the issue because they’ll look like a pervert, Fox asked the editor of Fleshbot why no one was buying this. Reasons include no full frontal, she already did a Marilyn shoot and there was nothing titillating about the shoot. In short, the only wanking motion going on over this issue, is a dismissive one.

Lindsay Lohan’s Playboy pictorial leaked online last Friday which caused Hugh Hefner to release the issue ahead of schedule. Hugh tweeted, “Because of the interest & the internet leak, we’re releasing the Lindsay Lohan issue early.” He added, “due to high demand, the Playboy issue with Lindsay Lohan’s pictorial is now available on iPlayboy.”

Playboy invested a million into Lindsay’s Marilyn Monroe spread and I guess it’s paying off even though sales may have been affected by the leak. Though I suspect the publicity far outweighs the loss in sales since most of the people who saw it were never going to buy the issue in the first place. It also doesn’t help that when people saw the photos, they were filled with vast indifference.

A few days ago, the cover of Lindsay Lohan’s spread in the January/February edition of Playboy leaked. Now all the photos have leaked and lo and behold, there is nudity but no full frontal. You can check out the photos here or here or here.

Initial reactions? Boooring. You can tell they were going for a Marilyn Monroe feel which is why they ran the photos through a vintage filter, smoothed it out and waited 36 hours for their Photoshop de-freckling action to complete.

Lindsay Lohan is supposed to debut her Playboy spread on Ellen next week but someone already leaked a shot of her cover. Though there’s not much you can gather from a picture of a photoshopped cover with reflections of light bouncing off it, she does look… decent. I think that may be the greatest compliment I’ve paid Lindsay this year. (via ONTD)

Hugh Hefner didn’t like the first shoot Lindsay Lohan did for Playboy’s January issue. He felt it was too Kate Moss inspired which seems appropriate. For whatever reason, Hef wanted the shoot to look more Marilyn Monroe-y. Sort of, wait no, exactly like the shoot Lindsay did for NY Mag. So the old man told her to go back for a reshoot. Also, Lindsay won’t be doing full frontal anymore. Boo! Hiss!

“He felt the initial shots looked too much like a Kate Moss-inspired fashion story — Lindsay’s choice — where he wanted more of a classic Hollywood Marilyn Monroe feel,” a source said. This weekend, Lohan was accompanied by lawyers, agents and publicists who, sources said, “gave their two cents about what was considered ‘nude’ and what was not.” Sources said Lohan ended up delivering the Monroe-inspired images Hefner wanted. She’s expected to appear nude, but “strategically covered up” in certain shots. Page Six

Let me get this straight. They’re paying Lindsay close to a million to be naked but her handlers want to strategically place her hands and turn her towards a certain angle so you can’t see anything. And Playboy wonders why it’s heading for obsolescence and bankruptcy. Instead of publishing semi-nudes, they should just write “F**K YOU” in big red letters on their covers from now on.

Lindsay Lohan is pretty much broke relative to her peers so she’s at the mercy of anyone that will give her money. Hence, why she’s taking off all her clothes for her nude spread in Playboy. None of that BS handbra stuff.

Lindsay Lohan didn’t wuss out for her Playboy shoot — TMZ has learned, the actress will BARE ALL in her upcoming spread … i.e. the holy trifecta … or as one source close to Playboy put it, “boobs, ass, and vag.”

Reports circulated Lindsay would pull one of those lame semi-nude fiascos — all sideboob, no fun — but sources close to Hef & co. tell us, that is NOT the case. Lindsay did insist the photos be “tastefully done,” but we’re told she’s still going the full monty. TMZ

Lindsay is hurting for money so badly that it seems all anyone has to do is wave a Benjamin in front of her face, shout “yoo hoo” to get her attention and she’ll do whatever they want. In this case, spread her legs and smile for the camera.

Around three years ago, Lindsay Lohan turned down a $700,000 offer to do an eight page Playboy spread for their 55th anniversary issue. Her rep at the time said, “If there’s nudity, then the answer’s no . . . She’s not going down the [New York] magazine road again.”

The New York magazine road of course is in reference to the nude Marilyn Monroe spread she did for New York magazine. I guess she’d only whore herself out for no less than a $1 million.

But things have changed and times are tough. She has no job, no money and has to be an escort just to get into parties now. Ergo, Lindsay has finally agreed to do a spread for Playboy. The deal will net Lindsay around $750k to $1 million. No confirmation yet from her rep but when someone says, “I can neither confirm or deny at this time,” it’s a given that it’s true.

Now the question is: Does anyone want to see Lindsay in a heavily airbrushed photoshoot in artsy poses when you can find unaltered photos of her flashing her privates and cut and paste sections from each photo to make a sort of nude Franken-Lindsay? I don’t know about you, but my nude Franken-Lindsay suits my needs just fine.

After a lot of campaigning, Karina Smirnoff finally got Playboy to put her on the cover. The Dancing With the Stars alum has an 8 page spread in the mag. She’s currently paired up with the Karate Kid, Ralph Macchio, not Jayden Smith, this season. Can they crane kick their way to victory? Tune in to find out! Or don’t. Hey, it’s your life.

“As a dancer I’ve always embraced my body. I’m thrilled to show off my strong, toned physique in the pages of Playboy and celebrate my sexiness,” says Smirnoff. “To me, sexy is the confident energy a person produces. Sexy is the comfortable feeling of being who you are. Sexy is not just having beautiful lips, legs and arms; it’s beyond that. Sexy is soul.”

In essence, you could say Karina Smirnoff bared her soul in Playboy much like I bared my soul to that girl at the park. At least that’s what I tried to explain to the judge. More photos at Playboy.

In November, Playboy and JWoww came to an agreement that would pay her $400,000 for posing fully nude in the magazine. Everything seemed like a done deal until she turned it down. Well guess who’s come crawling back?

JWoww, speaking to E! News, feels the Jersey Shore has “accomplished” all it’s can and sees it ending pretty soon. “I just feel like after Italy and going back to Jersey one more time we probably accomplished it all.”

Realizing the end is near, she’s keeping her options open. Namely, posing for Playboy as long as they keep it classy. Maybe by putting a top hat on each of her breasts.

She said she decided to put it off [the original Playboy offer] after an 8-year-old girl approached her at Starbucks. “She goes, ‘I look up to you. I want to be a graphic designer just like you,’” J-Woww explained. “She goes, ‘I want to make cartoon characters like you do.’ So I was like, There’s my answer! I want kids to look up to me for college rather than Playboy.

“But I do feel like it’s a strong thing for women to do. And as long as they cover up certain parts, I’m good,” she laughed. “We have to cover up the vajajay cooka. And then it’s like, Why not? You see my boobs out half the time anyway.”

If you’re the parent of this 8-year-old, I want you to kill yourself now. Your kid shouldn’t be looking up to anyone on the Jersey Shore. If anything, that show should be about what not to do.

Also, what’s with this covering up of certain parts. This isn’t the middle east. Don’t be shy, baby.

Playboy tweeted this picture a couple days ago with the caption, “Tuesday Trivia: Who is the famous actress in this photo from the July 1999 issue?”

The answer is Christina Hendricks. The chick on the right. The one with the normal size breasts.

So, does this mean she got a boob job? I don’t know. I’m on the fence about this one. Like Agent Mulder, I want to believe.

Another former Playboy Playmate, this time Izabella St. James, released a tell-all about what goes on inside Hugh Hefner’s Playboy mansion. It’s nothing like you imagine. More akin to a personal brothel than the Garden of Eden.

Izabella was invited by Hugh to live with him and seven other girlfriends in 2002. Being 26 at the time and a law grad, she naturally accepted his offer. Little did she know what she was in for. Muahaha. Er, sorry.

On her living conditions:
‘Each ­bedroom had mismatched, random pieces of furniture,’ she recalls in her autobiography Bunny Tales. ‘It was as if someone had gone to a charity shop and bought the basics for each room. Although we all did our best to decorate our rooms and make them homely, the mattresses on our beds were ­disgusting — old, worn and stained. The sheets were past their best, too.

‘Eventually I persuaded Hef to pay for a new mattress and bed linen — but I had to turn in every single receipt before I was reimbursed. Hef also eventually permitted us to have the rooms painted and recarpeted. But for some reason he insisted on creamy, white-coloured carpets. He liked the girlfriends’ rooms to look very girly, all white carpet and pink walls. It looked great at first, but with two dogs (most of the girlfriends had pets that lived in their rooms — I had two pugs), butlers delivering food, dirty shoes and occasional spillages, the carpet was grey and stained in a matter of months.’

On Hugh’s non-house-trained dogs:
‘But then Hef was used to dirty carpets. The one in his bedroom had not been changed for years, and things became significantly worse when Holly Madison moved into his room with him as Girlfriend No. 1 soon after I moved in, bringing her two dogs.

‘They weren’t house-trained and would just do their business on the bedroom carpet. Late at night, or in the early hours of the morning — if any of us visited Hef’s bedroom — we’d almost always end up standing in dog mess.

‘Everything in the Mansion felt old and stale, and Archie the house dog would regularly relieve himself on the hallway curtains, adding a powerful whiff of urine to the general scent of decay.’

On being treated like whores:
‘Every Friday morning we had to go to Hef’s room, wait while he picked up all the dog poo off the carpet — and then ask for our allowance: a thousand dollars counted out in crisp hundred-dollar bills from a safe in one of his bookcases,’ she says.

‘We all hated this process. Hef would always use the occasion to bring up anything he wasn’t happy about in the relationship. Most of the complaints were about the lack of harmony among the girlfriends — or your lack of sexual participation in the “parties” he held in his bedroom.

On Hugh cracking that whip:
‘If we’d been out of town for any reason and missed one of the official “going out” nights [When Hefner liked to parade his girls at nightclubs] he wouldn’t want to give us the allowance. He used it as a weapon.’

On their curfew:
‘Strictest of all was the curfew. Everyone had to be on the Mansion grounds by 9pm every night — unless we were out with Hef at a club or a function. People honestly did not believe us when we told them we had a curfew at the wild and crazy Playboy Mansion.’

On their two nights of freedom and Hugh’s aphrodisiacs:
Freedom of a kind came on Wednesdays and Fridays, the official nights out, which were the prelude to the twice-weekly sex parties in Hefner’s bedroom.

‘Quaaludes were supposed to give you a nice buzz,’ says Izabella St James. ‘Hef told me once that they were meant to put girls in the mood for sex.’

On the sex parties:
‘There was no protection and no testing for sexually transmitted ­diseases,’

‘I wanted to see if this experienced King of Sexdom knew anything the rest of us did not,’ she recalls. ‘But he just lay there like a dead fish.

‘We often wondered why he did it at all. He must know deep down that it is just a show. But he is trying to live out this fantasy he has been selling to people since 1954. He wants to live up to the Playboy image he created and the expectations people have of him.’

This makes the Playboy mansion sound absolutely depressing. The girls there are pretty much sex slaves with slightly better living conditions and have a $52,000 salary. Why, if I wasn’t so turned on right now, I’d do something about it.

Rihanna revealed on Hot 97′s The Angie Martinez Show that she’s received offers to do Playboy but turned them down. Rihanna says she will only do nudity if it’s classy.

“I got a few offers to do Playboy actually. They want to pay [me] to be naked on the cover,” she said.

“If I’m gonna take my clothes off, it has to be in a classy way and my will, not a check. I wouldn’t take any money to do that.”

That’s why whenever I do nude photo shoots I always request a top hat and a monocle. You got to keep things sophisticated. This boy ain’t no dime store whore.

Sadly, we won’t be seeing how stupid Oksana Grigorieva’s tits look because she just turned down a $75,000 offer to pose fully nude for Playboy. Her PR guy told TMZ, “Not now, not ever, nor for any amount of money, would our client, Oksana Grigorieva, even consider any offer to pose for Playboy. Someone might have sent an email to one of her representatives but that’s not news.” I mean, what do you take her for? An opportunist?

Plus, Oksana already gets $20,000 a month in child support, more than enough to live comfortably without needing to show off her bladder sacs. This attention whore has standards, you know.