Prince Harry was playing in a charity polo match in Barbados over the weekend when the horse he was on had enough and threw him off. Harry ate it and got up pissed that he lost a $100,00 bet that he could stay on his horse the entire match which would have gone to his charity.

I’d be more pissed at the horse for throwing me off. I’d pull its ear close to my mouth and tell it that I’m the boss here and that if it ever embarrassed me like that again, I’d send it to the glue factory. Do you know who I am, horsey?!

News of the World published pictures of Prince Harry snorting vodka through his nose while on vacation with friends in Namibia, fueling speculation that the third in line to the throne is an alcoholic. Meanwhile, medical experts warn that by bypassing the liver, this drinking game may cause allergic reactions leading to long term damage and may even to death.

In the video, pals cheer loudly as Harry slugs a bottle cap of vodka, swills it around his mouth, spits it back into the cap and then snorts it up his nose.

Seconds later, Harry—a 2nd Lieutenant in the Blue and Royals —closes his eyes and shakes his head as the alcohol, shooting straight into his bloodstream, takes effect.

Pictures also show Harry putting a wine glass on his nipple and licking his friend’s nipple. I’m glad that retarded show, Jackass, has influenced people across the world. Natural selection works better that way. It’s only a matter of time before scientists discover tribes in Papua New Guinea nailing their balls to a wild boar with an elephant tusk and doing backflips into bottomless pits while on fire.

Prince William and Harry were both partying hard at a nightclub in London. Harry proved how smooth he was by grabbing his friend Natalie Pinkham’s boob while distracting her with a kiss on the cheek. They make this seem like a bad thing. If I was a prince, I’d be pretty pissed if people told me it’s bad form to grab some girl’s tits at a club. It’s not like I grabbed her vagina. Not on camera anyway. I’m too wily for that.

Update: The Sun now says this is an old picture even though they just put it up. I guess it was a slow news day for them.