Brace yourselves. The Pussycat Dolls may be breaking up. None of the members are speaking to Nicole Sherzinger who they think stole the limelight and went off to do her own solo album. Interscope says it’s just a break.

“It is war. They have broken up for good. None of the other girls are speaking to Nicole, who they believe took the limelight, then went off to do her own thing.” Kimberly Wyatt recently revealed she hadn’t heard from Sherzinger, who’s now working on a solo career, in months.

This will no doubt send shock waves through the music industry. Where else will we find five mildly attractive women to dance proactively while dressed up in skanky outfits and lip sync to poppy studio manufactured songs? It’s not like you can just get these people off the street.

On that note, here’s Ashley Roberts in a bikini.

“Ok, ok. You can sing in the front. Only this one time, though. After this, go back to hiding behind Nicole.”

Why are the Pussycat Dolls still around? It’s like people like to listen to awful music. A cat stuck in a car engine sounds better than anything they’ve ever put out.

Are The Pussycat Dolls even making music anymore? I don’t think I’ve heard anything from them in a while. Granted, I don’t listen to the radio. That’s how Satan recruits his minions.

What’s up with the blonde? She looks sort of homely without the 10 gallons of makeup. If you bought her a drink, she’d probably think you were proposing to her.

Is that a portal to the 5th dimension?

You can tell how much interest I have in the Pussycat Dolls because it’s only now that I find out Nicole Scherzinger slipped a nipple during a performance in Amsterdam last week. And holy crap! Can that even be considered a nipple? It’s like a saucer. You could serve Thanksgiving dinner on that thing. Reports of UFO’s must have gone up 120% that night. On second thought, it looks more like a pancake. Like all you have to do is pour maple syrup over it to get a well-balanced breakfast.

Click through either picture for the Not Safe For Life version. Film of it here or after the jump. At 2:00 in.

If you were wondering why people still tolerate the Pussycat Dolls, then may I present to you exhibit A: The 2009 version of PCD. The new models even come complete with knee pads.

The Pussycat Dolls showed up at Pur dressed up as slutty versions of kid’s costumes. And yes, it was as exciting as it sounds.

I’m confused about one thing though. Is that one chick Red Riding Hood? Because that’s what she looks like. But why is she holding a baby and a basket full of grass? I don’t remember Red Riding Hood being an unwed mother trying to make a living by dealing marijuana. And what’s with the gun? Is this a commentary on black stereotypes? Ugh, that’s too deep for me on Halloween. I just want to see some tits.

The Pussycat Dolls released their video for When I Grow Up yesterday. It’s about as sexy and refreshing as a rectal exam. They should have just kept Britney in this and given her a bigger role. It would have been funny. They could have put Britney in during the scene where they scale the scaffolding. The Pussycat Dolls would be scaling it, looking all lithe and Britney would be down there with two hands on the bottom bar trying to pull herself up, legs flailing in the air. The Pussycat Dolls would eventually make it to the top and Britney would just fall into a massive heap on the floor, all sweaty and gasping for air. That would have been cool.

Britney Spears’ comeback encountered a minor setback today as the cameo she filmed for the upcoming Pussycat Dolls video, When I Grow Up, has been edited out. No reason was given and the PCD during a filming of FNMTV did not elaborate.

Dejected, I asked my own source why Britney’s scene was cut. They said, “She ate it.” “You mean she fell?,” I wondered. “No, she ate it. Literally. She ate the reel of film.” Wow, homeless people. Is there anything they DON’T know?

Sources say Britney Spears will make a cameo in the currently filming Pussycat Dolls music video for When I Grow Up. It is “small part” that does not require her to dance or sing. Instead, in the scene shot Wednesday, Britney is driving and waving. Us Weekly says:

“They all wave at each other as they are passing in traffic – that is it.

“It is genius and you will love it!” said the source.

“Of course, Britney looks hot and blonde,” the insider added.

This source. It’s Britney, isn’t it? Who else would deal in such obvious hyperbole? Please, give me this source’s number and I’ll prove it’s Britney. I can even tell you how the conversation will go before I call her:

Me: Hi secret source. Can you tell me who you are?
Source: No.
Me: You’re Britney aren’t you?
Source. Yes. I mean no. No, I’m not Britney.
Me: I’m pretty sure you just said you were.
Source: You are getting verrry sleepy. When you wake up, you won’t remember this conversation.
Me: Are… are you trying to hypnotize me over the phone? You’re spinning a pinwheel at me too, huh?
Source: Ahhh, how did you know. Be gone devil! [hangs up phone]

Nicole Scherzinger and the rest of the Pussycat Dolls crew are in LA filming a video for their single When I Grow Up. The best part of these photos is that they give me hope one of them will accidentally fall off the scaffolding. That way I can finally cross off “see PCD member fall off a scaffolding” from the list of things to do before I die.

The Pussycat Dolls are supposed to be this hot burlesque pop group. So why is it every time I see pictures of them, my eyes burn. Remember that game duck, duck, goose? If I was playing, I would start from the right and go, “Ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, ugly, MAN!” and then I would be forced to punch her. For the sake of humanity.

Those three in the middle stand out for some reason.

The answer is an emphatic NO. I would testify under penalty of perjury that the Pussycat Dolls do not send blood to my penis. What were they thinking when they made this band? Hey guys, let’s create a pop group whose shtick is stripping. Oh and throw in some trannies with the real real girls to eff with men. Great idea! High five.

Alright, I know it’s hard to believe they’re all trannies when their assets are so prominently displayed like good china at a dinner party , but I swear at least two of them are or used to be men.

Last weekend, Denise Richards wandered into the Pussycat Dolls Lounge looking for some food. At least, that is what these pictures tell me. I can see “classy” is Denise Richards’ middle name. Honestly, someone should have told her the Pussycat Dolls are not actually hookers and that just because Charlie Sheen used to dress her this way, most men don’t find it attractive. I’m beginning to think Wild Things is now just a fond memory.