An email from a girl named Beejoli detailing a foot hookup with famed foot fetishist Quentin Tarantino made the rounds on Wednesday after being forwarded from person to person. It detailed a random Wednesday night where Beejoli met the Inglourious Basterds director who took her back to his place and asked if he could suck her feet and jerk off. Turns out her answer was yes but only because she hoped it could get her out of sex. Full email under the cut.

Read this the whole way through when you get bored. It. is. incredible.
This is my friend and manager helping adam and i out in hollywood.

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Friendsicles,

You are either getting this e-mail because I’ve promised I would tell you this story and haven’t yet, you’re besties with someone I used to hook up with, or because my need for attention and adulation has reached such an all time high that I decided to pick 15 of you at random to listen to this story (most likely explanation), but all the same, below is the (in)famous but true story of how I met Quentin Tarantino…Adam and Ethan, I’ll be expecting your short film script of this in my inbox in the next couple of weeks…

Wednesday, June 1st, 2011:

Get a BBM at 8 in the morning from my friend Nicki telling me we’re going to a party in “the Hills” that night because the Yankees were in town. But this party now presents a conundrum as a) I didn’t know people partied on Wednesdays because I’m uncool and b) I had just run out of clean underwear and hadn’t shaved my legs in three days, so I wasn’t really in a “party” sort of place. (what’s that you say? You’re surprised I’m single?) However, after being told to grow a pair, I decided to join the girls after work for this fiesta.

Party time rolls around that evening and despite being a Wednesday, and based on how many trashy girls in short dresses there are, it looks like the inside of any club in Las Vegas has vomited inside this music producer’s home. Minus all the hordes of Asians you get in real Las Vegas. I spend my first hour at this party irritated at having to even be there, and then telling the Yankees picture Joba Chamberlain how he’ll never be as great as my beloved Brian Wilson. I think he may have called me a lesbian as I was walking away, but I guess you can’t blame him since I did choose to wear pants. Anyways, I digress.

Heading back inside, bored out of mind, I look over and notice Jamie Foxx and Quentin Tarantino have joined the melee. Joy. Two more people at this party who could not give a shit about who I am. I go back to texting in the corner while stuffing my face with a hot dog. About an hour later I’m making a drink and realize the pasty tall fellow pouring orange juice into my glass is the man himself, QT. Realizing I kind of have to go for at it this point, in all my nerd glory blurt out: “I’m sure everyone tells you this but I fucking loved Reservoir Dogs. I watched it when I was 11 for my school newspaper, and it’s badass.” He starts laughing, thanks me, pleasantries are exchanged about how I was clearly a fucked up 11 year old for watching Reservoir Dogs, and we start what appears it might be a delightful little chat about film. Until this happens:

Quentin: Wow so you really loved Reservoir Dogs, huh? Which of my other films do you like?
(this blatant arrogance is the type of douchebaggery that really gets my gourd about Hollywood, so now my film boner has turned to film hate fuck, and I feel the need to cheekily undermine Quentin.)
Me: Oh wow. You know, I really didn’t like Kill Bill…
Quentin: What? What do you mean? 1 or 2?
Me: Ehh, a little bit of both. I just didn’t care for them.
Quentin: Wow…I don’t think anyone has said that to my face about my seminal films.
Me: Perhaps it’s because you call them your seminal films. Shouldn’t you wait for someone else to say that?
Quentin: You know, you’ve got a mouth on you. I like that.

At this point, QT puts an arm around me and I’m acutely aware that Quentin Tarantino has an arm around me. As are my four friends, who are all looking at me as if I have grown a second head. To be fair, I am easily the most uncool out of all my friends (I go to Q’s in Brentwood four nights a week), so the fact that anyone even mildly famous wants to speak to me is pretty shocking. He’s chatting with my friends and I like it’s no big deal, I am pretending like this happens every night of my life, and out of nowhere he leans in for the makeout. Yes. True story. I am pulling a frat move and making out in a crowded kitchen with Quentin Fucking Tarantino. I cannot stop laughing AS this is happening, mainly because I see my friends Nicki and Jen literally gag behind Quentin’s head, and I really am doing this for the story at this point. We make out some more, take a walk, keep making out, get more drinks, lather, rinse, repeat. Believe me when I say I’m not bragging, because..well…have you looked at a photo of Quentin Tarantino recently? (Please refer to: http://bit.ly/jL4ORR)

At some point in our public makeout, Jamie Foxx comes over and without acknowledging me goes, “Yo QT, ready to roll?” Quentin looks at me and says “Want to come to my house?” Ummmmmm…fuck yes? We get in an SUV and off we go. As I’m in the car though, I realize two things: 1) Making out with Quentin Tarantino is a great story, but there is no way I plan on putting out, and 2) This is a director who makes up fucked up films for a living, there is a 23% chance he could Phil Spektor me, and I’m definitely not ready to die. But alas, I’m already in the car and we’re off.

We get to the house, which is gorgeous, and Jamie Foxx takes off with his lady friend (I try to say bye to him and he doesn’t even look at me. Jamie Foxx could not have given 2 shits who I was. This is probably karma because I snuck into a screening of Ray in 2004 with my black boyfriend who worked at AMC at the time, instead of buying a ticket). Which leaves me and QT alone in his bar. I spot a photo booth and immediately realize that we must take photos, if for nothing else, proof that this story even happened. (Because I know at least 7 of you right now think I’m still lying, and are pissed you had to read this much. It gets even better, I promise!!) We get a few good photo strips, which I immediately buried at the bottom of my purse lest he take them from me, and go on talking about film. (For you film geeks, this was a great conversation that led to QT cutting me a trailer of my five favorite bad movies, but for sake of some semblance of brevity, I will leave that aside for another day)

After a lengthy film discussion, Quentin suggests we head to bed, which is the point where I really start panicking. I have stalled for a good long time but the makeouts were really losing their appeal because you can only be sweated on so much, and we were getting closer to the moment of truth on whether I’d have to put out or not. The makeout continues for a while longer, and I’m really getting nervous about where the night may lead, kicking myself over not pretending to be more drunk and “passing out”, and wishing he’d turn the damn lights off so that he won’t notice that I’m wearing Hanes Her Way underwear the size of Canada that I bought at CVS that morning because my life is really just that sad and pathetic. We make out some more, there’s a little below the belt action that I try to avoid, as QT has the most unattractive penis I have ever seen (short. fat. nub-like. The chode of all chodes. Boys, those junior high pamphlets are lying when they say that all shapes and sizes are normal. Lying.) Just as I’m about to hyperventilate over the fact that he may try to put that horrific bodily implement anywhere near my Britney, he leans over and goes “Hey…”

I know this “Hey.” This is the “Hey, should I get a condom?” hey that accompanies 20 minutes of ungratifying sex. As I’m trying to rapidly think of ways I can agent myself out of this deal, I hear what is without a doubt, the strangest question in the history of my life. Quentin Tarantino asks, “Can I suck on your toes while I jerk off?” What. The. Fuck.

Many of you may have seen this coming, as his foot fetish is WELL documented, but for some of us who spend more time watching Kate Hudson than we do Quentin Tarantino, this was a huge shock. On top of that, I don’t even like weird sex habits! A saucy hookup for me is on the foot of the bed, instead of on a pillow. Someone tried to talk me into a threesome once and I cried for an hour. Having someone ask to fellate my feet while rubbing one out was a world I was not prepared for.

But desperate times call for desperate measures, and I realized this just might be my get out of jail free card on the whole chode in vag issue. After some negotiations about how I would not partake in any of the hand job action were nailed down, I begrudgingly acquiesced. (And by begrudgingly, I realized I didn’t have to shtup the dude and said sure why not in about 0.03 seconds) And thus began the weirdest ten minutes of my life – having my feet made out with by an Oscar winning filmmaker while he pleasured himself. Truth be told, it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t have to do anything (a nice bonus, since I am undoubtedly the laziest person in bed, which some of you can attest to), no bodily secretions were ejected anywhere near me or my feet (thank god, because I imagine it would feel like walking in sand with wet I fucking hate that), and just as I hoped, we went to bed right after.

In the morning, I snooped through Quentin’s belongings while he was in the bathroom and now know his e-mail address. He fooled around with my feet one more time (this time without asking, which I found rude), and then drove me back to Nicki’s apartment in Weho and that was that.

Most insane experience of my life, and without a doubt, probably the best story I will ever get to tell. Those of you who know me well know of my love of hyperbole, so I’m actually rather sad that I won’t get to use “best story ever!!!” when talking about how I scored a free topping at Yogurtland anymore, but I suppose for Quentin I can make an exception. I’ll try not to forget all of you little people when my feet and I make our meteoric race (foot pun intended) to the top of the A-List soon.

Till then, I’ve attached our photo booth photos for those of you who think I still just have a vivid imagination…and yes, he does look like Frankenstein.

Love,
Beejoli

At least she didn’t try to get out of sex by claiming to have a headache. She even let him suck her feet. Women don’t even give me that. It’s all “where am I?”, “how did I get here?” with my dates.

As per usual, it only took the internet a matter of seconds to find her Tumblr, Twitter and Wheel of Fortune appearance.

[via Deadspin]

Quentin Tarantino may have had too much fun at an LA Oscars after party because he ate it as he made his away around the car subsequent to helping the blitzed Paz de la Huerta in. That or Tarantino is a complete spaz. Look at that bum. He doesn’t even know what to do with his gangly limbs.

Brad Pitt told the Daily Mail that since he’s a dad now, his partying ends at 6 p.m. Someone should really get him a watch because yesterday after the Berlin premiere of Inglourious Basterds, Pitt partook of the fine German lager at the after-party until 2 a.m. with Quentin Tarantino and Diane Kruger while Angelina stayed home with the six kids. He left pretty drunk and then ended the night by doing blow off of Diane Kruger’s tits. Okay, I lied about the last part. It was actually me who did blow off Diane Kruger’s tits.

According to the Telegraph, Britney Spears has been cast by Quentin Tarantino as dancer Darla in the remake of Faster Pussycat! Kill! Kill!. She’ll play a lesbian stripper killer and will film a sex scene.

“Quentin is convinced Britney will be brilliant. She’s delighted. She thinks it could turn her career around.

“It is perfect Tarantino material. He wanted to get Britney first. She’s playing the most important character.”

Even if this were true, it probably wouldn’t be true. Did that make sense? To clarify. Britney can’t act seductive. Hungry, yes. Seductive, no. If you need someone to stand there and drool over the craft service table, Britney is your girl. If you need someone to strip and act all sexy like in front of the camera, you’re better off dressing a panda in a bikini and letting it play with a piece of bamboo. Britney’s idea of seduction is rolling around naked in a pile of KFC chicken and pawing at the camera, coyly asking for more Ranch dressing.

I can’t pinpoint the exact time this site turned into a collection of disturbing pictures of semi-famous men / people who look like semi-famous men, but here’s Quentin Tarantino at a photocall in Cannes. You can tell he’s been practicing his modeling. Hubba-hubba. Larger version here.

Picture: SplashNewsOnline

Quentin Tarantino is best known for his dialogue driven, violence filled movies. Now, he wants to make “a cool sex movie that would take place in Stockholm, with a couple of Americans visiting a couple of Swedish friends . . . just going out drinking, having a good time, hooking up.” Except, it probably will still be really weird. Quentin says,

“If I actually do an erotic movie, I’m going to have to reveal what I find sexy, what turns me on . . . It’s got to be kind of kinky, because that’s what’s cinematic, that’s what’s fun. Everything else is just – shagging.”

It’s widely known Quentin Tarantino has a foot fetish. So, I’m going to guess this will be an hour and a half of guys sucking on girls’ feet and girls sucking on guys’ feet. And because Quentin has to be shocking. He’ll throw in a scene of guys circle jerking around a disemboweled chick. See? I can be a shocking writer too. Here I am Hollywood!

Since I was already there, I decided to stay for Grindhouse too. I knew Robert Rodriguez was going to be there, but Quentin Tarantino also showed up. Once again, they showed another insanely kick ass teaser. They brought out a whole slew of women from the movie. Rosario Dawson, Zoe Bell and Rose McGowan to name a few. I completely forgot the other names and I have pictures, but since my camera is so old that someone has to stay still for 5 minutes, they’re blurry. Quentin told everyone that Kurt Russel has been signed to play Stuntman Mike and he initially wanted the movie to come out in December, but had to delay it till April. Other than that, Quentin was really enthusiastic about the whole movie which helped sell it some more. He claimed that this isn’t just some slapped together two directors working together on short films to be combined later movie. It’s actually two movies for the price of one played back to back with their own exploitation trailers. Here’s my description of the teaser for Planet Terror, which is Robert Rodriguez’s part. Quentin didn’t start his yet because he’s a lazy bastard or it hadn’t been scheduled yet or something.

The film itself looks like old used and scratched footage. The soundtrack was great for the teaser. It starts out with one of the sheriffs walking into the sheriffs office bleeding. He tells the other two sheriffs that some guy he arrested bit his finger off. The guy actually bit his finger off. The other two sheriffs go outside with shotguns to the squad car to find the window busted and the prisoner gone. Meanwhile, another prisoner, Freddy Rodríguez who plays Wray, comes out to take a look. He eyes the guns on the rack while the sheriffs are looking for the escaped prisoner. The maimed sheriff then asks his buddy if he found his finger. Buddy says no, but did find his ring. This is where I don’t remember what happens after.

Later on they introduce Danny Trejo, the bad ass mexican guy who always has the ‘stache. They say his name is slash? because when he opens up his trench coat, it’s wall to wall machetes. About 20 or so. I can only assume he likes to cut people. My memory gets hazy again, but he rides his bike and at some point, he finds a chain gun and magically attatches it to his bike. I think there’s a lot of shooting after that.

Then they cut to Freddy Rodriguez’s character Wray and also Rose McGowan’s character Cherry. You hear Cherry in a hospital bitching and moaning about something. She then shouts whatever the hell women shout when they lose a leg. She pulls back the hospital bed sheets to reveal an amputated leg. Wray doesn’t really want to hear her whine like a woman anymore so he knocks a leg off a nearby table and sticks it into her amputated stump and tells her to walk out. When they’re walking out of the hospital, he starts killing people because they’re re-animated or he’s anti-social. Anyway, he busts out some insane moves involving climbing up a wall and flipping over a guy then stabbing him with two knives. He fights some more then at one point or another, he finds a Colt Carbine assault rifle (I think, I believe it also has a grenade launcher) and assimilates it with Rose McGowan’s amputed leg. So if you’re not following. At this point Rose McGowan has an assault rifle as her peg leg. Then she somehow ends up faced backwards on the bike of Danny Trejo’s character while shooting her leg and launching a grenade.

At this point, I’m thinking I just experienced my first orgasm and that was just Rodriguez’s half. He tells people that that was only one week’s worth of shooting.

Note: I stole all these posters from Joblo.com again because for the life of me, I could not find these posters anywhere and any pictures I took of the cast just sucked. I have no idea how I missed the posters even though I saw the Grindhouse booth.

2nd Note: He also made fun of Harry Knowles from AICN. Awesome.

Tarantino has signed on to serve as a consultant for Dragon Dynasty. For those that don’t know, the Weinstein Co. have started a new genre division called Dragon Dynasty who’s goal is to bring Asian Cinema to American audiences. Since Hollywood has hit a wall in the originality department, it makes sense for them to take other countries’ films for profit. There is really no need to be original when you can buy the distribution rights to someone else’s idea for only a few million.

Although, this doesn’t really seem to mean much since Tarantino is willing to slap his name onto almost anything dealing with good Asian cinema or new horror. What exactly do they need consultation on anyway? Is it really that hard to see what Asian movies do well?

Slated for release are Born to Fight, Ong Bak 2, Seven Swords and Dragon Squad.

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