Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen were in Barbados and, geez, she looks remarkably good in a bikini. Her body is tighter than a pair of bobcats in a burlap sack. Hayden should be all over that but he’s not. Instead, he’s lying down in the ocean using the waves to wash his butt crack. “Hur hur, look at this Rachel. Mother Nature is touching my ballsack.”

As previously mentioned, Sunday night was the Teen Choice Awards. Attendees also included Rachel Bilson, Lucy Hale, Blake Lively, Nina Dobrev, Jojo and Tyra Banks who has as much to do with teens as Richard Simmons does with exercise.

Did you know that Rachel Bilson also wore a black bikini over the weekend? It’s true. Here are a few glorious pictures to prove it.

Rachel Bilson and Hayden Christensen hit up a beach in Barbados over the weekend. Presumably to show everyone they’re still together after they called off their engagement and to show everyone how hot she looks in a little bikini. The only problem with these photos is that they’re blurry and there are a few too many kids. When I ogle celebrities in bikinis, I prefer children not stare back at me.

What the hell is that thing? Fame says it’s still a puppy but it looks like a bear. Cleaning up its mess must be a joy. If I were her and that thing took a dump, I’d just look up to my left, whistle and walk away like nothing happened.

Rumors of Rachel Bilson breaking up with the most boring actor in the world Hayden Christensen have been popping up since 2007. It’s been four years and they’re still popping up such as today in Us Magazine where a source says that they’re over for good. “Engagement’s over, relationship’s over. She’s really had it,” said the source. Had what, I’m not sure, but she sounds frustrated.

However, Rachel’s rep denies these new reports. They told Celebuzz, “There is [no] truth to this — Rachel and Hayden are still dating.”

Oh and I’m just supposed to believe her rep who’s in direct contact with her? Over Source who’s been quoted in numerous rumors proven right over the years? Pfft. Source has never let me down. Source is like the ultimate insider. How does he/she get in with all these celebrities?!

Rachel Bilson, Kate Bosworth and Krysten Ritter were all on set of their upcoming film BFF’s and Baby the other day and they decided to take some fancy pictures. In one, Rachel is dressed like a French maid. In another, they are doing a hear no evil, see no evil pose. In yet another, they all pretend they’re holding my penis. Kate Bosworth still thinks it’s a telephone. Sigh.

Rachel Bilson is absolutely killing it. First at Roberto Cavalli’s anniversary celebration and now at Christian Dior’s Spring fashion show.

Honestly, I know nothing about fashion so I base my opinions on whether or not the girl is bangable in the outfit. In this case, yes, she definitely is. In related news, this holed out cantaloupe is absolutely killing it.

Roberto Cavalli had a 40th anniversary celebration for his label and I wasn’t invited. That’s okay though. I didn’t need to mingle with a hot as hell Rachel Bilson or Heidi Klum. I was perfectly happy sitting at home watching videos of cats on YouTube. I’m so lonely.

The benefit having unbearably hot weather is girls want to wear as little clothing as possible. Hence why Rachel Bilson was in short shorts over the weekend. Things get even better when you run up to them and smack their over sized purse out of their hand because they have to bend over to pick it up in their short shorts. So that’s what I did and this is the result. Your welcome.

Tuesday was the season premiere of How I Met Your Mother season 6, a great show and twenty times funnier than Two and a Half Men. Suffice to say, I haven’t seen it yet but Rachel Bilson makes out with another chick on the first episode. Thanks for ruining this for me, Internet!

I don’t think anyone remembered they were together, but now they don’t have to clutter their brain with such information since Hayden Christensen and Rachel Bilson have temporarily suspended their beard contract. A source tells Us the two are “taking a break”  for about a month at which point they’ll renegotiate, er, revisit their relationship. Rachel and Hayden were engaged in 2008.

When Bilson was asked about wedding plans at E3 last night, she showed her bare ring finger and said, “No, no plans. No nothing.” Sad face.

Below is Rachel at the E3 Take no Prisoners event at the Standard. In a few of the photos she’s standing in front of a plain white wall/curtain like she’s about to be beheaded. I think that goes well with the theme of the game.

[Fame]

Because I know nothing about fashion, here’s Us Magazine’s description of what Rachel Bilson wore to the premiere of Waiting for Forever in NYC Thursday.

Rachel Bilson showed off her petite figure in a bizarre bra cut-out Preen frock at the premiere of her new flick, Waiting for Forever, in NYC Thursday. (The actress, 28, also donned nude Brian Atwood pumps.)

The back of the cream colored gown featured a bright yellow neon stripe of fabric.

I like it when all girls wear is a bra like they were in a JC Penny underwear ad. It’s classy. But if this were me, I would have worked it more. I would have shook my hips from side to side while strutting down the red carpet and when a guy whistled at me, I’d snap my finger in the air, smack my lips together and say, “You know it, girl!”

[INF]