Popular cooking show person Rachel Ray had a benign cyst removed from her vocal cords to fix her messed up voice. She’ll need to quit singing her beautiful siren songs for a week proving to her husband that if you pray hard enough, God might listen.

“After several months of vocal therapy and on the advice of her doctors, Rachael decided to have a benign cyst removed from her vocal cord,” says Charlie Dougiello. “According to Rachael’s doctors the minor, non-invasive procedure was a success and she is already resting at home.”

Hopefully this will allow Food Network to add a “Now 50% less annoying” badge to her show. However, as a leopard is with its spots, this is just not possible.

Some artist named Alex Gardega plans on painting a 6-foot nude portrait of TV chef Rachael Ray. Alex will use paprika mixed with oils for her skin tones. It’s unknown whether Alex will be able to capture how truly annoying Rachel Ray is. If he attaches a recording that loops Rachel Ray shrieking, “EVOO,” over and over again, then maybe. If he makes her nipples squirt cayenne pepper in the viewer’s eyes, then definitely.

Rachel Ray was on set to film a commercial for Dunkin’ Donuts coffee and was bitchier than usual. Grub Street says she stormed onto the set, took one sip of her coffee and proclaimed the Dunkin’ Donuts blend given to her was — loosely translated — utter shit.

So a friend of mine was on set last week as Rachael Ray filmed her latest Dunkin’ Donuts commercial. According to her, Rachael stormed onto the set and snapped at everyone. Not news, I know, everyone knows she’s actually a gigantic asshole. BUT! I am also told she took one sip of her Dunkin’ Donuts coffee, yelled “What is this shit? Get me MY coffee,” and would not continue until she was given “her” coffee — i.e., Starbucks.

Good lord. Calm down bitch. Sure, Dunkin’ Donuts coffee tastes like it was mixed with toilet water, but in the end it’s still just coffee. You’d think someone shoved raw meat down her throat or forced her to eat at T.G.I.F.

I wanted Tara Reid to sing you the news. This is as close as I could get. Listen to Tara’s angelic voice as she coos Total Eclipse of My Heart while you peruse some headlines.

• Arnold Schwarzenegger’s funniest moments. [CityRag]
• Gisele Bundchen does Korean based tug. [Bastardly]
• More Spider-Man 3 video. [Celebitchy]
• Robbie Williams leaves rehab early. [SOW]

• Sting in Hello! [Glitterati]
• Lance Bass writes brilliantly titled memoir. [Evil Beet]
• You can pay Michael Jackson to be your friend. [About]
• Some guy from The Hills goes to jail. [Yeeeah]

• Simon Cowell doesn’t care about Britney Spears. [HB]
• Rachel Ray attacked by dog. [NinjaDude]
• Chris Daughtry in LIFE magazine. [Celebrity Smack]
• You can touch Anne Hathaway’s breasts. [Egotastic]

It was reality Wednesday for me. Beauty and the Geek is still rigged and American Idol um, well it’s American Idol. Four years since I’ve watched an episode and it’s pretty much the same.

• Now Katie Holmes has a nose job? [Celebrity Smack]
• Rachel Ray-cist? [Evil Beet]
• Brad Pitt wants to be more man. [Glitterati]
• Heath Ledger and Michelle Williams are married. [Celebitchy]
• Cassie sexes up the night. [CityRag]
• Leonardo DiCaprio has girlfriend troubles. [ICYDK]