Heather Locklear secretly entered rehab after her split with Jack Wagner back in November. It didn’t quite work as the split eventually led to her getting physical with Jack Wagner, stealing his dog and mixing prescription medication and alcohol.

“Heather has been out of control for many years,” a source tells the new issue of Us Weekly (out now). “Her drinking has caused her to fall out of many friendships.

“She doesn’t get out of bed most days,” the source explains, adding that “Jack kept her on the straight and narrow, but he couldn’t keep Heather sober.”

Though Wagner, 52, “begged her to go to rehab,” it wasn’t until after their breakup that Locklear “entered a treatment program, which her family was able to keep quiet.”

Unfortunately, the former Melrose Place actress, 50, “didn’t take it seriously” and appeared visibly drunk at an L.A. Lakers game January 10. Us Weekly

Of course Heather Locklear didn’t take it seriously. How can anyone take anything seriously without a nightly Ambien/Vodka tonic? What is this? Rehab or a concentration camp?

Hey, guys. It’s the moment you’ve all been waiting for. It’s professional nipple slipper Bai Ling’s newest single, “Rehab” and it’s not a cover of Amy Winehouse. I’d like to believe it’s more of an homage.

If you’ve ever wondered what angels sound like when they sing, listen to this. I had no idea one could fall in love with music. Until now. This has the vocal styling of 100 Adele’s. If you shoved thumbtacks and shards of glass down her throat and forced her to sing at gunpoint. My ears managed to vomit. [via Dlisted]

PEOPLE confirms that Whitney Houston needs help. The 47-year-old has checked into an out-patient rehab program for drugs and alcohol. Whitney’s rep continues, “Whitney voluntarily entered the program to support her long-standing recovery process.” A source tells TMZ that “she’s cleansing herself to get ready for a new movie.”

The program lets Whitney go out in public but she has to bring a monitor. Basically, she’s paying someone to be her mother. The good news is nagging comes free of charge.

In an article for Seventeen Magazine, Demi Lovato revealed that she wasn’t in rehab for anger issues but for an eating disorder. Eating disorders always get such a bad rap. Demi said,

“I wish I could tell every young girl with an eating disorder, or who has harmed herself in any way, that she’s worthy of life and that her life has meaning. You can overcome and get through anything. Yes, there have been times when I definitely have been tempted to get rid of my dinner. But I will deal with it for the rest of my life because it’s a life-long disease. I don’t think there’s going to be a day when I don’t think about food or my body, but I’m living with it, and I wish I could tell young girls to find their safe place and stay with it.”

“If you are going through that dark period, go to your family and closest friends. Don’t put yourself in danger. It’s very crucial that you get your feelings out – but don’t ever inflict harm on your own body because your body is so sacred.”

“I don’t let anyone’s insecurities, emotions, or opinions bother me. I know that if I am happy, that’s all that matters to me. And it’s OK to be selfish like that sometimes, when it comes to your well-being. Do what makes you happy, and don’t care what others think.”

How overwhelmingly positive. If I could feel and if I was a little girl, I’d be inspired and touched but I’m not. I’m a guy with a blackened heart so whatever little piggy. Take your healthy attitude somewhere else. Like the buffet line.

Sean William Scott has checked himself into a treatment center for “health and personal issues.”

Scott’s rep released a statement simply saying, “Sean William Scott has voluntarily admitted himself for proactive treatment to address health and personal issues. He appreciates the support of his many fans at this time.” So basically what I just said but in fancier words.

Not even TMZ knows what Scott’s issues are and they pay people for information. However, if I had to guess, it’s to deal with the fact that he hasn’t had a hit movie in years and will sadly be forever known as Stifler no matter how many tattoos he gets. Granted, Role Models was pretty good. I’ll give him that.

A big fuss was made about sending Charlie Sheen to rehab and getting help. It seems after much cajoling his friends finally got through to him. Sort of.

TMZ says Charlie Sheen won’t go to a rehab facility but will instead have an addiction expert come to his house to help him out. Charlie’s people claim it’s for privacy reasons. Also because none of the rehab facilities Charlie checked out allowed porn stars and blow. Something about relapse and feeding his addiction. You know. A lot of medical mumbo jumbo.

According to TMZ, Charlie Sheen is slated to be in rehab for three months leaving the 300-strong crew of Two and a Half Men pissed that they’ll be out of work for the next 12 weeks. Sources inside production say last time Charlie was in rehab, the crew was partially paid, but no decision has been made about what to do this time.

The crew might not have to worry for long, however. A friend tells Popeater that “if ratings go through the roof again, as they did after Charlie’s incident in New York, CBS and Charlie will be out again in no time and back to his old ways. However, if the public finally stops rewarding Charlie for his bad behavior, then, and only then, can you expect him to take the situation seriously.” That’s because on top of Charlie’s $1.25m per episode salary, Sheen gets a bonus if the show does well (MOAR porn stars and blow!). Essentially, what the friend is saying is we should stop giving Charlie Sheen positive reinforcement. Yea, I know. Crazy talk!

Although, even more motivation for CBS to get Charlie out of rehab is the potential $250 million in lost domestic syndication revenue. They only have two completed episodes and a hiatus will cost Warner Bros. Television millions in syndication and CBS millions in lost ad revenue.

But CBS says they’re not worried. They say they have multiple hit shows and the lost revenue will be offset by the reduced programming costs for episodes lost. Oh, so the crew might not be paid? Thanks, Charlie Sheen. Expect a lot of “get well” bundt cakes filled with razor blades to show up at your rehab center.

Speaking of rehab. Demi Lovato finished hers. Following three months of inpatient treatment after punching one of her backup dancers, 18-year-old Demi is finally ready for the real world.

“Demi came back to LA earlier this week,” the source tells Celebuzz. “She completed her prescribed treatment and an outpatient program near the treatment facility.”

The source says that Demi will “focus first and foremost on her well-being” but that she will “continue to see doctors in LA who will help her work on the issues she confronted in treatment.”

“She is so grateful to all of her fans for their unbelievable support,” says the source, “and looks forward to being able to talk to all of them very soon.”

Oh good. Now she can keep making music I’ll never listen to and star in films I’ll never watch. This is the best thing to happen to me since I found that sock behind my dryer.

Hell hath frozen over. Charlie Sheen finally checked into rehab again. From Us:

Charlie Sheen has voluntarily entered an undisclosed rehabilitation center today. He is most grateful to all who have expressed their concern.”

The suits at CBS reluctantly issued a statement expressing concern for his health and well-being but how much do you want to bet they were seething on the inside at having to put the show on hiatus.

“Due to Charlie Sheen’s decision to enter a rehabilitation center, CBS, Warner Bros. Television and executive producer Chuck Lorre are placing Two and a Half Men on production hiatus,” a statement released today said. “We are profoundly concerned for his health and well-being, and support his decision.”

Two weeks in rehab and Charlie is going to go back to his old ways. Just like Lindsay Lohan. The only reason he went is to get people off his back. It’s like when you begrudgingly give in to your mom nagging you about cleaning the dishes but you only half-ass it leaving pieces of food still caked onto the plates.

During the beginning of his 36-hour binge, Sheen brought his realtor and porn star friends to have dinner with his neighbor George Santo Pietro, Vanna White’s ex-husband.

Sheen got plastered and started talking about renting out George’s estate for $250,000 a month while he vacationed in Thailand. He wanted to turn George’s mansion into a housing project for his favorite porn stars. Basically, his own Playboy mansion. His people found out about the deal and slapped him silly and put a stop to it. Oh, well. At least Charlie still had a plan B. Go on a bender.

One of the porn stars says Sheen was smoking cocaine and critiquing porn before his neighbors, Real Housewives of Beverly Hills stars Dr. Paul Nassif and Adrienne Maloof-Nassif, called 911.

According to TMZ, after a briefcase of cocaine was delivered to his house, Charlie whipped out his small green pipe and started smoking coke for hours. He ended up in his theater room with all the porn stars and watched 3 hours of porn while critiquing the action. The porn star was said to be “surprised” by how much Charlie knew.

In related news, Charlie’s dad, Martin Sheen, wants him to go back to rehab. To which Charlie replied, “Hahahahhahahahah,” deep breath, “hahahahhahahha.” Charlie then threw a used condom at his face, gave the old man the finger and rode away on a rickshaw pulled by a couple of porn stars.

Linday Lohan played her own “LOL J/K” joke this morning when she backhanded reports that she was sticking with rehab for another week by checking out. The reason for checking out right away? “There’s no coke or alcohol in there. Sucks, man.”

Actually, the real reason the rumor of her staying might have started was because her new home in the suburbs of LA wasn’t ready yet. Princess Lohan only wanted to be released “once her new living arrangements are complete and ready for her arrival.”

The movers should just nail everything to the ceiling so it’s all upside down. It would probably take three days and five lengthy explanations until she figures out what’s going on. ‘Cause she’s a moron, you see.

Lindsay Lohan was court ordered to rehab until January 3, which is today, but she’s going to stay for another week of treatment. Presumably to go out and party some more while she pretends to get help. From TMZ,

Sources tell us Lindsay is taking precautions before reentering day-to-day life, and is talking with people at the Betty Ford Center about reentering the residential day treatment program until Saturday.

Right. Because another week of treatment is going to make all the difference in the world. If she was serious about this, she’d stay for another month but she’s just doing a week because she has no gigs lined up yet for the new year. Everything Lindsay does is a poorly thought out PR stunt.

After partying at Beacher’s Madhouse at the Roosevelt Hotel on New Year’s Eve, David Arquette checked into rehab over the weekend. He’s being treated for alcohol and other non-drug related issues. A source tells TMZ David is doing this because it’s “the right thing to do for his family.”

I always figured the best treatment for David would be to get him on Ritalin. That guy is bouncing off the walls all the time. Having a conversation with him would be like talking to the tv during commercial break.