In news that’s probably about as exciting as that cat on your lawn, Drew Barrymore and Justin Long may be back together. They were spotted at the after-party for Grey Gar dens “giggling and kissing each other all night and leaving together.”

Remember when Drew Barrymore was interesting and did stuff like flash David Letterman and have an eating disorder? Those were better times. Happier times. More erotic times. Now she’s dating the Mac guy and all she wants to do is act like a high schooler and get fat. It’s really depressing when you think about it. Which is why I try not to. Right now I’m thinking about ponies. I can’t tell you why, but the pony I’m thinking of can fly. Wheee. What were we talking about again?

Remember when Megan Fox broke up with Brian Austin Green, but then later was seen doing everything with Brian Austin Green, leading everyone to suspect she was still with Brian Austin Green? Well, turns out she may still be broken up with Brian Austin Green.

Ted Casablanca of E! says Megan Fox has moved out of her shared Hollywood Hills home with Brian Austin Green and checked into a hotel.

Oh, sure. She’s broken up. Now. Yet, when I follow her into the ladies room and ask if she’s single, she always says “no”. How convenient. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think she was trying to avoid me.

Here are those photos from yesterday just because.

According to Ted Casablanca at E!, another man was the reason Brian Austin Green and Megan Fox split ever so briefly. Megan was allegedly spending a lot of time with this guy who may or may not be Robbert Pattinson and Green got jealous.

“They are both crazy jealous,” dishes the insider, adding that while BAG is pretty secure with his rising hot fiancée, “they both know how to push each other’s buttons.”

If this were me, she could hang out with whatever guy she wants. I wouldn’t approve and maybe I’d get a little jealous, but Megan Fox is ridiculously hot. If you told me I’d have to put my penis through a bear trap to get to her vagina, I’d close my eyes, clench my teeth and pray I make it in without setting it off.

Megan Fox recently announced that she and Brian Austin Green were over, but just the other day they were spotted together hanging out. If you’re wondering if there was a sexy reason for this, congratulations, you’re in luck. According to Star:

For the first two days after their split, it appeared Megan had relocated to a nearby hotel, a source tells Star. “But she returned both nights to stay over with Brian!”

So why can’t they stay away? Despite their problems, they have a superhot sex life. “They’ve had problems with every facet with their relationship — except in bed,” says a friend.

I can relate. Women are always impressed by my sexy bedroom moves and are never able to leave. Not once has there been a complaint. So what if most of the time they’re bound and gagged? I don’t think that’s really relevant to this conversation, mister.

Evan Rachel Wood will once again transform herself into Dita 2.0 as Page Six reports she and Marilyn Manson may be back on again. The two were seen leaving the W Hotel in LA together Sunday morning before the Oscars.

Our source outside the hotel said Manson emerged first and “said he was waiting for his girlfriend.” Then, she came out and they climbed into a waiting car.

God, anyone but Manson. He’s a freak. And I don’t mean that in a “I’m an adult and he scares me, kids these days” kind of way. I mean it in a “there’s something really wrong with that guy” kind of way. What grown man dresses like an obese 16-year-old goth chick with a Hot Topic discount card. It’s almost comical and, frankly, a little sad. I hope Manson hasn’t been deceived into thinking he’s still shocking anyone because he’s about as shocking as drinking a can of Sprite secretly filled with Coke.

John Mayer and Jennifer Aniston have been dating longer than was previously believed says Page Six. The two have been seeing each other for at least three months before coming out as a couple. (They’re a couple?)

“They’d been keeping it under wraps and hiding out together on their dates,” said our source. “Then Jen realized it wasn’t just a fling and decided to take it public.”

John Mayer says this is a summer fling and Jennifer says it’s more than a fling. This sounds like it will end well. For me. With any luck we’ll see Jennifer Aniston break down in tears by the end of August, giving me at least two weeks of entertainment until the the new season of The Shield starts. Thanks Jennifer!

I know the header isn’t a picture of John and Jennifer, but, fine, I’ll change it.