Former personal trainer to the stars and unnecessary consonant enthusiast, Robb Parr, has a new book coming out titled “Star Quality.” In it, he tells of how celebrities like Demi Moore, Madonna and Naomi Watts were unshapely beasts before they met him.

“[Demi] lacked a defined waist, carried too much meat on her thighs, and was, by movie-star standards, thick overall. To taper her waist, we decided to accentuate her shoulders, creating a V-shape. We trimmed her thighs, shaving off some of the excess fat from above her knees, and accentuated her butt, further emphasizing her waist.” As for Madonna, whom Parr also whipped into shape, “When [she] and I started working together, she was very soft . . .” As for Aussie cutie Naomi Watts, she came to Parr “fleshy, and we needed to trim and tighten so that she would fit the mold of a bikini-clad babe.”

And when exercise didn’t work, Demi Moore got plastic surgery. Oh, snap!

By the way, was it Robb’s plan to make Madonna look like She-Hulk? I bet even her cooch is buff and that people parise her all the time for her vaginal dexterity.