Russell Brand has been tapped to host the MTV Movie Awards for the third time. When he hosted previously, he called out Katy Perry to go out on a date with him. She did and they married but ended up divorcing .

I wonder who he’s going to call out this time. I hope it’s Christina Aguilera. I can’t wait to see her huff and puff with pleasure.

Yesterday, Russell Brand was caught throwing a hissy fit in New Orleans. He was seen snatching an iPhone out of a photog’s hand and then chucking it through the window of a law firm. Of all the windows to throw a cell phone through, a law firm may be the worst.

A man with the company producing the new movie Russell is shooting tried to smooth things over with the firm by offering to pay for the window.

Today, Russell spoke out about his temper tantrum on Twitter saying, “Since Steve Jobs died I cannot bear to see anyone use an iphone irreverently, what I did was a tribute to his memory.”

If I know Steve Jobs, and I like to think I do, he just gave Russell a fist bump from beyond the grave and a nod of approval.

The Sun says Russell Brand has gotten back into the proverbial saddle, riding some poor girl off into the sunset. Brand was photographed dropping off a brunette back at her apartment after she stayed over at his place.

“Russell is a single man again and starting to move on from Katy.

“Like any bloke, he had missed female company. He isn’t quite back to his old ways yet, but he’s very much back in the saddle.” The Sun

I assume their date at The Largo Theatre was just icing on the cake because she was going to have sex with him anyway. That’s why the first and last stop for my dates is my place. Let’s just cut to the chase. This date is going to end in only one way. With you finding my Megan Fox hair dolls. So why don’t you just run out screaming now instead of in the middle of the night when you’ll wake the neighbors.

Russell Brand did not sign a prenup when he married Katy Perry but that doesn’t mean he’s going after half of the $44 million she made between May 2010 and May 2011 even though he’s entitled to it.

As one source put it, “This divorce is as amicable as it gets, and Russell was a mensch (Yiddish for a good person).” He doesn’t want Katy’s money. He’s happy to walk away with the money he earned — which is far less than what Katy raked in. TMZ

“Oh, what a gentleman,” ladies will think. That is before Russell takes them home and forces them to service him while he sits in a wheelchair pretending to be paralyzed.

Before Russell Brand and Katy Perry decided to separate, Russell, back in November, posted this video on porn site Nudevista. In it, he promotes his college tour telling kids that he’s visiting universities to better understand college culture and to bang a lot of sorority girls or as he calls them “sex clubs for women.” That’s when he takes off his wedding ring. Russell joked he was going to ”place [his wedding ring] somewhere very, very safe for the next week.”

HuffPo says this, in addition to his proclivity toward wheelchair sex, could of been a major foreshadowing of Katy and Russell’s divorce. Though I don’t see what the problem is. You don’t want to wear a wedding ring when you go on a tour to have sex with as many sorority girls as you can. What else do you expect him to do with that ring?

With his impending divorce from Katy Perry, Russell Brand is now out of the cool kid club which means he’s now been uninvited from the People’s Choice Awards. Organizers say this is to avoid confrontation with Katy Perry.

“It will be Katy’s big night, a prelude to the Grammys, and now Russell has been strangely left off the list of attendees for the high-profile event.

“It was always going to be awkward for organisers in any case after their shock decision to split. But in order to avoid any awkwardness or confrontation Russ is no longer on the list.” Mirror

Wow. That’s cold. People’s Choice is like the bitchy cheerleader who gets all pissy when Russell Brand eventually crashes their party, streaks across the stage and then dips his penis in the punch bowl. Whatever though. Russell Brand didn’t want to go to your stupid party anyway. Because he’s got his own thing going on called Russell’s Choice Awards and the big winner that night will be Paddington Bear who’s always a good listener.

Previously, sources claimed the reason for Katy Perry and Russell Brand’s divorce was because Katy would rather party than settle down and have Russell’s babies.

Now other sources tell Us Weekly that another reason for he split is Katy couldn’t satisfy Russell’s sexual desires.

“Katy was kinky enough during their first times together and he was very attracted to her,” a source says. “When things got bad, if they got a roll in the hay, they were always better after.”

But the source goes on to say that despite Katy’s attempts to keep the spark alive in the bedroom by scheduling monthly date nights at swanky hotels, it was “never enough.”

Russell’s sexually fetishes were also reportedly hard for Katy to keep up with.

“He likes dirty things,” the source says. “He really gets off on one particular porno with a guy in a wheelchair. He’s attracted to things he can’t imagine happening to him.” Adding that Russell had a closet full of sex toys. Hollywood Life

Ah, yes. The ubiquitous wheelchair porn. They make it sound like a fetish. I mean, is it too much to ask for handicap sex once in a while? I think not. But just not mentally handicapped sex. Trust me. Things get a lot weirder when your date goes “hur dur dur dur” in the middle of an orgasm.

Katy Perry was not blindsided by Russell Brand’s divorce filing as TMZ previously assumed. Sources now say Katy and Russell knew this was coming a couple months ago but didn’t want to end the marriage without seeing if they could work things out. Clearly, that failed.

Katy and Russell decided on the divorce a few weeks ago but didn’t want to be in town when the papers were filed so they booked separate vacations. And since Katy’s parents are evangelical Christians, she didn’t want to be the one to file because she was taught divorce is wrong. Much like championing two chicks making out is wrong. Oh… wait.

In what is sure to be a blow to absolutely no one, Russell Brand filed for divorce from Katy Perry citing “irreconcilable differences.”

A statement released by Brand states, “Sadly, Katy and I are ending our marriage. I’ll always adore her and I know we’ll remain friends.” Sources tell TMZ Russell Brand may have blindsided Katy Perry with the filing as Katy had no clue this was happening.

The writing was on the wall with this one but everyone thought it would Katy filing and that it’d have happened a lot sooner. Like, say for instance, after Katy found out Russell posted a picture of her without makeup on Twitter but before she punched him in the balls while he slept.

Good news everyone who thinks they have a chance with Katy Perry. Katy Perry and Russell Brand had a fight over the holidays which resulted in them spending Christmas thousands of miles apart. A source says they haven’t split just yet but the fights are getting worse.

“They had a massive fight,” an insider tells Us Weekly. “She was like, ‘F–k you. I’m going to do my own thing.’ Russell replied, ‘Fine, f–k you too.’” Us Weekly

Katy was originally planning to fly her family to London for the holidays, but after the fight, Perry went to Hawaii instead with some friends.

One of the main issues says a source, “Katy doesn’t think Russell respects her parents’ Christian beliefs or her friends.”

Which is surprising because anyone could have figured this out beforehand. Russell Brand is an ex-drug addict and controversial comedian who banged a lot of women. “Christian beliefs” ranks right under “bums taking a dump in the street” on Brand’s list of things he respects

Katy Perry performed in Kansas on Wednesday night while Russell Brand stayed home, but not to worry, Russell wasn’t too lonely. He was “getting cozy” with a woman named Sadie Turner. In a few pictures that have ended up online, Brand is seen putting his arms around Sadie and giving her a kiss.

Both Brand and Turner, who sources tell RadarOnline.com have known each other for years, have huge smiles splashed across their face and at one point, the Get Him To The Greek actor plants a kiss on her head. — Radar

Of course, this is probably them just being old, good friends. Nothing to worry about, Katy Perry. You keep on touring. No need to give Brand a surprise visit like Will Smith did to Jada Pinkett. By the way, where do you keep the condoms? Oh, no reason. Just doing inventory.

Over the weekend, Russell Brand was deported from Japan. Surprisingly not because he’s annoying but because of his much publicized past drug offenses. Japan doesn’t take kindly to people with a criminal record. Russell and Katy Perry were there for the Japan leg of her tour.

“So… my husband just got deported from Japan,” Katy Perry wrote on Twitter. “I am so sad. I brought him all this way to show him my favorite place. Tokyo dreams crushed.”

So why was Brand taken into custody and subsequently kicked out of the country? “It was for priors from over 10 years ago!” Perry, 26, explained

“Planning escape from Japanese custody,” the Get Him to the Greek star quipped. “It’s bloody hard to dig a tunnel with a chopstick.”

“Stockholm syndrome [is] kicking in,” he added. “Just asked my guard out for (vegetarian) sushi. He giggled.”

Perry added: “But of course I love my Japanese fans and the show must go on, no matter the daily aftershocks or husband kidnappings! It’s not right but it’s okay.”

The Japanese are so polite that I bet they said it in such a nice way like, “Sorry for the inconvenience, but we request that you leave our country.” And no one will ever argue with them because everyone knows that behind the polite demeanor, any resistance will be met with tentacle rape.

Get ready your marriage bingo cards because if you had 3 months down for how long it would take Katy Perry to break down and to seek couples therapy, you get to stamp that b*tch. Is that how Bingo works?

Well, anyway, three months into their marriage, Katy has “started asking friends to recommend a marriage counselor.” Turns out Russell Brand may be more than a handful. I know, what a surprise.

When Russell filmed Arthur over the summer, “Katy was around all the time,” a set insider tells Life & Style. For the film’s recent reshoots, however, “She hasn’t been by,” the insider confirms.

While they’re living separate lives already, seeking couples therapy shows Katy and Russell aren’t giving up. The Teenage Dream singer recently told Elle Magazine on her marriage, “I think you can have it all. You just have to work really hard, because great things don’t come easily. Everyone’s been told that marriage is hard work, and it is: You have to make time for the things you love.” (L&S)

I wonder why Katy has been pushing for counseling? Their marriage has been going so well. It’s not like Russell took a picture of her without makeup right after she woke up and posted it on the internet or something.