Life isn’t all butterscotch and unicorns for Ryan Gosling. The man every woman wants love letters from and the man every other man wants to have a warm glass of milk with once was slapped with a DUI. Gasp. Not our Ryan Gosling!

Back in 2005, Gosling was arrested by the LA CHP for drunk driving. Ryan pleaded “no contest” to a misdemeanor charge of “exhibiting speed” even though he was originally charged with “driving under the influence of alcohol and/or drugs” and “driving with a blood alcohol content of 0.08 or greater.”

He was sentenced to two years probation and ordered to pay $849 in fines.

Ryan no doubt negotiated the lesser “exhibiting speed” plea bargain by raising his two fingers in the air and promising to never do it again. Scouts honor. Aww, case dismissed!

Here he is filming Gangster Squad with Emma Stone.

Ryan Gosling, who’s getting rave reviews for Drive and is in the Oscar-baity Ides of March, says he’s been mulling early retirement. He tells The Times,

“I’ve been doing this since I was 12… I don’t want to act much longer; I can’t do one thing my whole life. I know there are only so many characters I’ll be able to play. It will be over whenever the inspiration dries up.”

Gosling is only 30 so it’s doubtful he’ll retire any time soon. Nicolas Winding Refn is already collaborating with Gosling on two more films and Ryan has signed on for The Gangster Squad. Plus, the millions of dollars people throw at him for reading lines off a script is a hard job to pass up. I mean, what else is he going to do. Not like he can break up a street fight with his dulcet tones every day.

When a fight broke out in the middle of a crosswalk in New York over a painting some time last week, a dork with an umbrella and Birkenstocks stood there pointing at the two men fighting in an effort to stop the melee using only the power of his mind. It didn’t work.

That’s when smooth talker Ryan Gosling sashayed in wearing a striped beater and capris, defusing the situation with only his beauty and angelic voice. “Eeeeeeee,” they squealed to themselves as Ryan lay his calming hands on them.

[via ONTD]

Comic-Con is here which means it’s raining trailers. Not all good but some are like James Sallis’ Drive directed by Nicolas Winding Refn and starring Ryan Gosling, Carey Mulligan, Bran Cranston, Christina Hendricks and Ron Pearlman. Gosling plays a stunt driver who’s also a wheelman that has a contract put on him when a job goes wrong. It’s like my life story except it’s missing all the models I have sex with on my private yacht.

Hello, ladies. I know I’ve been neglecting you. Therefore, I want to make it up to you with these screen caps of Ryan Gosling in All Good Things. I know a few of you find Ryan attractive, although I don’t know why because he’s no me, so enjoy yourselves while you stare at him in his soaked (not with pee) underwear. Meanwhile, I’ll be in the shower scrubbing myself clean and thinking of man things like bacon and power tools.

[Screen caps via OMG]

Hayden Panettiere was at the Chateau Marmont over the weekend having lunch and changing her sunglasses three times in a possible attempt at finding one that gave her the bug-eye look people in Hollywood love so much. Eventually, Ryan Gosling made his way over to her table (because bug-eyes are lovely this time of year) and they hugged a lot and exchanged numbers which apparently means they hooked up.

They always say celebrities are just like normal people even though they’re not. If you walked up to Hayden at Chateau Marmont, chatted her up and tried to hug her, guess how long it would take security to pounce on you and bend your arm at an angle even a contortionist would cringe at. By the time you handed Hayden your number you’d already be convulsing and defecating yourself from the 50 taserings you’d have gotten. Then there’s that saying that first impressions are the most important so you’re pretty much screwed. But, then again, crapping yourself while convulsing in front of a potential girlfriend is the worst thing that could happen so the next time you meet will be awesome. “My God, you’re not foaming at the mouth and covered in feces. Marry me you sexy man.”

Rachel McAdams and Ryan Gosling plan on getting married this year according to Us Weekly. To avoid the press, the two are getting engaged and married on the same day and have forbidden their families to talk about it. A rep for McAdam’s calls all this false.

There was a rumor that these two were breaking up, but I guess that was just a lie. Just like when they told me double stuffed Oreos had twice the cream filling. Jerks. It was more like 1.89 times as much.