TMZ reported on Thursday that the Betty Ford Clinic was in the process of moving Lindsay Lohan to a more secure, private location due to harassing messages from an anonymous caller. Today, TMZ claims Sam Lutfi has been the one making the calls and sending ominous texts to Lindsay. If you remember, Britney’s family alleged Sam plied Britney with drugs and was responsible for her meltdown causing her to be placed on a 5150 psychiatric hold.

According to TMZ, Sam has been in close contact with Michael Lohan. In one text, he purports to be “Mike from TMZ” and warns Lindsay to stay away from Dina Lohan. The phone number traces back to Lutfi.

Lutfi shrugged his shoulders and said he didn’t know what they were talking about when TMZ questioned him. He then says the same people who rep Britney rep Lindsay and there’s a big conspiracy against him.

This guy is crazy. He even looks crazy. Celebrity mothers should warn their daughters to stay away from this guy. In non-celebrity circles, he’d be the equivalent of the weird old dude who invites neighborhood kids to come play in his indoor swimming pool.

Yesterday, a hearing was held for the restraining order against Sam Lutfi. Lawyers argued that Lutfi is an “alleged extortionist” and said he threatened to release “unflattering information” about Jamie. Lutfi also is alleged to have given Britney a prepaid cell phone that Britney wanted. Lutfi’s sister testified that this was because Britney wanted out of her conservatorship and that she was afraid of her father who was causing her “emotional distress.”

Lawyers also argued that the supposed leaked voicemail Britney left was not Britney at all and may have been edited.

At the end, everything was ten times more confusing and Britney’s brain really hurt. And Britney really wanted to know where her lollipop was.

Britney Spears’ dad, Jamie, showed up in court on Monday to petition the judge to make the restraining order against Sam Lutfi and Adnan Ghalib permanent. Jamie alleges Lutfi slipped Britney a pre-paid cell phone in order to get around the fact that Britney’s calls are all monitored now. Jamie says this is all part of Lutfi’s plan to undermine his conservatorship. TMZ says:

The nanny heard Britney talking to Sam and Adnan on the pre-paid phone in the wee hours of the morning one day. It appears Jamie believes Sam and Adnan got her the phone in an attempt to poison her against Jamie and to torpedo the conservatorship.

Jamie also blames Lutfi for causing Britney to lose everything. He explained that when Lutfi was in control, Britney lost her career, her kids and drover her to a nervous breakdown.

“When Lutfi was in so-called control, [Britney] lost everything – her kids and career,” Jamie Spears said at the hearing. “I believe he’s a predator, I believe he’s a predator, I believe he’s very dangerous to her … and causes her a lot of anguish and disbelief. We’ve asked him to go away before, and now he’s coming back. We just want the man to go away. Just leave us alone.

This pretty much boils down to which Britney you want to see. A broken down Britney whose only career is to be a fixture in tabloids or a saner Britney who goes on tour and looks hot. Personally, I like hot Britney. Although, fat Britney allowed for a much wider range of jokes.

Now all I can make fun of her for is not having a six-pack. A four-pack, Britney? C’mon. I can get a four-pack in my sleep. While eating ice cream! Fatty.

After what seemed like a lifetime of mooching off of Britney and ruining her for his own gain, Sam Lutfi was cut out of Britney’s life like the cancer he is. Now he’s back to doing what he used to do which is think of ways to make a quick buck. His latest endeavor is to file frivolous lawsuits.

TMZ reports that Sam Lutfi has sued Britney Spears and her parents for libel, defamation, battery, intentional infliction of emotional distress and breach of contract.

According to the papers, Sam claims Jamie and Lynne “launched a campaign of lies and intimidation designed to destroy Lutfi and drive him out of Britney’s life.”

In the lawsuit, Sam claims he was standing in Britney’s kitchen on January 29, 2008 when Jamie stormed into the house. Lutfi alleges Jamie yelled at him, claiming Sam made a rude comment to Lynne the night before. Then, Sam claims, Jamie “intentionally punched him in the chest” and threatened to kill him if he ever heard Sam make a rude comment about Lynne or any member of the Spears family again.

It would behoove the judge to take one look at this and wipe his ass with the papers before throwing it back in Lutfi’s face. He sounds like a whiny bitch. The only difference between him and a parasite is that you feel slightly guilty for killing a parasite. Jamie probably didn’t even punch him in the chest either. He probably poked him with his finger and to him, being the 10-year-old drama queen that he is, it was like Mike Tyson throwing an overhand right at his chest.

Sources within the LAPD are telling TMZ an investigation into the allegations that Sam Lutfi drugged Britney Spears may be underway. The case has been purportedly assigned to the Robbery Homicide division and they have already interviewed several witnesses.

Not true says Page Six, Radar Online and X17. Richard French, the LAPD pr rep, said “there is no investigation into Sam allegedly medicating Britney.”

Sam Lutfi’s spokesman said, “Internet tabloid gossip Web sites need to stop reporting bogus stories without knowing the truth. They need to stop brainwashing the public.”

The best part of this is after the statement, Lutfi slipped a roofie into the reporter’s glass of water and then raped him. Investigations may or may not be underway to see whether or not I completely made that up.

Today’s obligatory Britney Spears post centers around the restraining order filed against Sam Lufti. TMZ obtained a copy of the document and has a little more detailed info. The restraining order requires Sam to stay 250 yards away from “Britney, the UCLA Medical Center and her parents’ homes and also alleges Sam Lufti drugged Britney, cut her home phone line, stole her cell phone chargers, constantly berates her and acts like he controls her. Also, Sam says Adnan is gay.

According to a declaration filed by Lynne Spears, on January 28, Lynne and Jamie arrived for an intervention — “Sam had told Britney that she was an unfit mother, a piece of trash and a whore, that she cares more about Adnan, her current boyfriend, than she cares about her kids, and that she does not deserve the kids.” The documents claim Sam said, “Adnan is gay … Britney came into the room looking for Adnan … Britney then asked me, ‘Is Adnan gay?”

The fun doesn’t stop there. It continues.

At one point, Britney “picked up a bottle of pills and read part of the label and asked us, ‘What does insomnia mean?’ Sam told her that the pills will help her stay awake.” Lynne continues, “Sam told Jackie and me that he grinds up Britney’s pills, which were on the counter and included Risperdal (an anti-psychotic drug for schizophrenia and bipolarity) and Seroquel.” The docs continue, “He told us that the doctor who is treating her now is trying to get her into a sleep-induced coma so that they could then give her drugs to heal her brain.”

According to the docs, Sam then encouraged Brit “to do tequila shots.” The document then claims Sam said, “let’s all do toasts with wine.” Brit refused to drink. Lynne claims before leaving for the drug store that night, Sam gave her drugs upstairs “to make her more light-hearted, happy, and fun.” During a dispute later that night, Sam allegedly said, “If you try to get rid of me, she’ll be dead and I’ll piss on her grave.”

The docs claim Brit “changed her three dogs’ clothes many times” in an agitated state.” Brit said, “Can I see another psychiatrist so I can see my babies?” Sam responded, “If I told you to take 10 pills a day, you should do what I tell you to see your babies.”

At one point, Brit allegedly said, “I want my Daddy up here. I want to talk to my Daddy.”

Sam’s plan must have come from watching insane amounts of movies and TV because most of this sounds absurd. I’m surprised the document didn’t accuse him of trying to drop ACME anvils on Lynne and Jamie Spears’ head or that he tried to kidnap Britney from the UCLA Medical Center and attempted to escape on a pair of rocket powered roller skates.

Nothing changed at the end of Britney Spears’ custody hearing today. A motion to obtain “visitation in a therapeutic setting” has been put off and Britney’s lawyers remain the same. Trope and Trope requested Jamie Spears to be removed as conservator. In turn, Britney’s conservators (Jamie Spears and Andrew Wallet) asked the court to terminate Britney’s divorce lawyers, Trope and Trope. Britney’s current lawyer is now Adam Streisand, second cousin of Barbara, who was brought in by Trope and Trope to convince the judge to get rid of Jamie Spears.

In court, Adam said Britney’s estate is worth $40 million, but that she’s facing a $17 million audit with her record label Jive Records. Britney also manages to own 15 different business. 10 of which are probably ice cream trucks.

The Commissioner doesn’t believe Britney legally retained Adam so no decisions have been made. The court-appointed lawyer, who visited Britney yesterday, ruled that Britney is mentally incapable of understanding anything. More so than normal which is bad news for Adam.

Meanwhile, Sam Lufti refused to open his door to be served with a restraining order. Not only that, Lufti has already violated it by calling Britney. Britney’s reply was simply, “I’m so glad you called. A number 2 with extra secret sauce please.”

And as this mayhem continues in L.A., I’m happily sitting here eating my non-fat yogurt which is both healthy AND delicious. Mmm, the bland taste is quite inviting.

Jamie Spears, was granted temporary legal control of his daughter, Britney, until Monday and with it, full control over her medical treatment, the power to decide who visits her, control over her finances, the ability to issue restraining orders on her behalf and the power to keep her in California.

In addition, a 21-day restraining order has been issued against Britney’s BFF Sam Lufti. A phone interview with Sam conducted by Us Magazine was posted detailing how crazy, superficial and money hungry he believes the Spears family to be.

“It’s funny because that’s what the doctors say when they meet the family,” he added. “They always come back and say, ‘You know, [her problems] are inherited, right?’

“It’s just so sad. It’s shared equally from both of her parents.”

He told Us the singer doesn’t “trust anything that her family says? Not a g—-n thing.”

He said they have tried to stage multiple interventions and that Thursday’s move was “at least their fourth” attempt.

When the singer heard Lynne had arrived Sunday night, Lutfi said Britney asked him, ‘Is my mom really here?’ I said, ‘Yeah, she’s here.’ And she’s like, ‘Oh great, you know they’re up to something.’

“They show up to the house like hillbillies, texting me,” Lutfi continued. “I find out that they’re outside, and they go, ‘You better let me in the gate, you ass.’ So I go, to Britney, ‘Your parents are here, let them come in and yell at you and scream at you. If anything else goes on, I’ll throw you in my car and take you out of here.’ She said, ‘OK, fine, baby.’

“I let them in. Instead of going to see how Britney is, they come bouncing through the doors. They scream at me, ‘Why the f—k are you talking to Barbara Walters?’ I swear to God that’s all they were saying.

“The dad pushed me in the chest and said, ‘Get the f—k out of here.’

“The dad gave up and then the mom tried to talk to her, but Lynne was like, ‘I gotta get my beauty sleep, I gotta get my nails done, I gotta do my hair.’ It was just so sick. We made the mom stay.”

Lutfi said the singer suffers from “mixed state bipolar” and has had it for “roughly five years.” (A person suffering from “mixed state bipolar” experiences symptoms of mania and depression at the same time.)

He said he has told the singer, “‘Britney, do you see why people think you are crazy? Look at your mother and look at your father.’”

Everybody that’s a part of this debacle is crazy. They need a neutral third party. Someone who isn’t out for personal gain and cares about people. Someone like Mr. Ed. That horse gives very sage advice. But, if Mr. Ed is merely a fictional animal concocted by clever television writers (damn you TV), then I suggest they get the next closest thing. Sarah Jessica Parker.

Britney Spears and pal, Sam Lufti, got into a big fight last night. The two drove up to the community gate of Britney’s house and all of a sudden, Britney jumped out of the car crying. For some reason, she called Adnan Ghalib asking him, “Baby, can you come pick me up?” Adnan told her to go into the house to wait for him. He eventually made his way over, but was told by the gate security that he wasn’t allowed in. The cops were called to contain the paparazzi trying to catch the fight.

Today, TMZ says Britney’s mom, dad, her sister and her cousin were all there that night and that they may be planning an intervention this week. They want to get Britney’s bi-polar disorder under control.

This move has been in the planning stages for well over a month. It should begin to unfold IF Britney cooperates, and that is the wild card.

This probably isn’t a very good time to tell Britney you’ve kidnapped her dog. No, sir. A very bad time indeed to pull such an immature stunt that may be the catalyst for a severe psychotic break. Just so we’re clear, you can see me winking, right?