George Clooney is said to have dumped Sarah Larson last month, who supposedly found out about it through a magazine, because she ignored his advice on not getting a boob job. In Touch Weekly writes:

“George really didn’t want her to get the boob job. Although she asked George if she could do her recovery at his house and he agreed.”

“She likes her new body so much that she would consider posing for Playboy. Now that she’s famous, she would never go back to waitressing.”

I read this as “man dumps pretty girl with big boobs.” This is madness. This can’t be. People don’t dump attractive females because they have big breasts. It… it was probably an ill conceived excuse to move on. “I have to end this. Your, uh, boobs are too big.” “My boobs are too big?” “Wait. No.” At that point, George’s penis probably put its hands on its face and shook its head in disbelief and whispered, “You idiot.”

But, Playboy, huh? Aim for the stars I guess. As they say, today, Playboy! Tomorrow, irrelevancy!

George Clooney’s split with Sarah Larson was sudden and unexpected. Sarah thought she and George were going to marry, but George had other plans. Namely, banging a bunch of other women.

“She thought they were getting married. Instead, she got dumped,” a friend said. “She’s really upset. Devastated.”

“She’s totally heartbroken and doesn’t deserve this,” a friend said. “It came out of nowhere. They had made all these plans.”

Adding insult to injury, friends say, is this month’s issue of Harper’s Bazaar, which features Larson posed on a motorcycle, clad in Dolce & Gabbana.

The headline reads: “It Girl: Sarah Larson. Don’t hate her because she’s beautiful, fearless … and dates George Clooney.”

Hmm, marry Sarah Larson or bang a bunch of models each day of the week. This really is a tough decision. Let’s consult Captain Obvious. *Gasp* In an astonishing twist of fate, Captain Obvious says to go with the models. I am shocked. Just. Shocked.

George Clooney has finally bored of that cocktail waitress he picked up at the Whiskey Bar in Vegas last year and kicked her to the curb. Mmm hmmm. *Snaps fingers* That’s not to say his relationship with Sarah Larson wasn’t significant. No, it certainly was. Sarah was the first girlfriend to ever attend the Oscars with him. They were also both injured in a motorcycle accident, but not even skeletal fractures could keep these two together.

“George is relieved to be single again,” says an insider. “He thinks Sarah is sweet and that is why it was so hard to break up with her.”

The big loser in all of this is Sarah because she has to go back to Vegas to her old job as a hired gun for “special events.” She’ll have to constantly deal with horny frat boys and dirty old men hitting on her and she’ll have to take it because that’s what they pay her for and one day a guy will probably be so brazen as to grope her ass, but don’t worry, I’ll be there waiting to defend her honor or, you know, shout, “show us your tits!”

George Clooney’s current girlfriend, Sarah Larson, used to be a go-go dancer in Vegas. Also on her resume is being hired by promoters to “attend special events in sexy outfits and party with her wild girlfriends.” Armed with this knowledge, one may stumble upon pictures of Sarah partying in Vegas. And that’s what Star Magazine did.

“Sarah is outgoing and fun and loves to drink. She likes to get wasted when she goes out — but hey, that’s what Vegas is all about!”

In one picture Sarah has her legs wrapped around some guy. In another she’s bikini clad on the sand licking a magazine cover.

“That’s our Sarah!” says the source. “She’s not shy in the slightest. She loves hamming it up and is never embarrassed. That’s the Sarah everyone in Vegas remembers, not the girl dressed in Valentino minding her manners for the cameras with George at the Oscars!”

The best part of this story was when Sarah went down on all fours, stuck her ass in the air and seductively licked a magazine. Definitely. Few more after the jump.

Pictures via Last Night’s Party.