Alec Baldwin was kicked off American Airlines last week after he became agitated when a flight attendant made him shut off his cell phone. Baldwin said he was merely playing Words With Friends while the plane was stopped at the gate. Meanwhile, passengers and the flight attendant say Alec threw a hissy fit and slammed the lavatory door so loudly that the captain of the plane went to see what was going on.

Well, entitled actor Alec Baldwin wanted an apology so he guest starred on SNL and gave one himself. To himself.

I’m not sure that’s how apologies work.

Darrell Hammond has a new book out which talks about his days on SNL. He says, to escape the memories of a traumatic childhood, he ended up drinking heavily and doing cocaine and crack and was once taken from NBC “in a straightjacket.”

“I kept a pint of Remy in my desk at work,” Hammond recalls in “God, If You’re Not Up There, I’m F*cked,” out Nov. 8 from HarperCollins. “The drinking calmed my nerves and quieted the disturbing images that sprang into my head … when drinking didn’t work, I cut myself.”

In 1998, cops took Hammond from the NBC infirmary to New York Hospital in a straitjacket. “My wife came but I didn’t recognize her,” he writes.

In 2002, Hammond recalls, “I’d started adding an obscene amount of cocaine to my binges … I had to be creative about how I did it without other people catching on or letting it interfere with the work. At least too much.”

In 2009, during his 14th “SNL” season, and having gone to rehab once, Hammond relapsed. “I had the brilliant idea I should try crack,” he writes — and he spent time in a Harlem crack house. Page Six

You’d think a coked up Darrell Hammond would have made SNL a lot funnier what with awkward pauses and unscripted lines, but no, the show still sucked. If only Darrell Hammond wasn’t a functional drunk. Sometimes you just want to wish for someone to have a more debilitating addiction.

Kanye West was the musical guest on SNL last Saturday where he performed ‘Power’ and ‘Runaway.’ I can’t decide whether his performances were extremely creative or ridiculously self-indulgent. It’s said that in 35 years, the set has never been altered for an artist. Until Kanye came around and demanded that he be bathed in white light and surrounded by ballerinas.

Kanye probably has in his rider that at all times a bright light surrounds him and angels with harps play in the background. Which is a really scary visual. I’d kill myself again if I died and walked towards the light only to find Kanye screaming at me to kiss his asshole.

Second video after the jump.

Don’t worry, 10 posts about Lindsay Lohan will be up in a bit, but first thing is first. Katy Perry on SNL’s most entertaining sketch to date. Not because it was funny or clever, but because of the insane amount of bouncing cleavage.

Katy showed up on the season premiere of Saturday Night Live over the weekend guesting in a sketch poking fun at the Sesame Street breast controversy. She played Maureen DiChico, a teenage library volunteer with new found big tits who reads books to kids. Perry wore a really tight Elmo shirt and bounced up and down, up and down, up and down throughout the sketch.

Holy crap! My erection shot up so fast that it flipped my table 360 degrees in the air. I’m pretty sure if someone was standing in front of my crotch, they would have died from “spear-like” wounds.

In other news, Katy Perry will be on an episode of The Simpsons in December. Hopefully adding much needed bounce to the show.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qP81EElmWY

Lindsay Lohan is a colossal screw-up. Everything she touches withers and dies. So it’s fitting that SNL asked her to host on Dec. 4.

The NBC late-nighter would give Lohan 90 minutes to prove to those who may still care about her career that she is employable after a string of run-ins with the law and rehab stints.

90 minutes seems generous. 10 minutes is all anyone needs to realize any semblance of talent she used to have as a kid has drowned in a sea of Red Bull and Vodka. Lindsay’s acting is so stilted and awkward that it’s easy to confuse her for a highly functional retard.

Jennifer Lopez will be guest hosting SNL on March 6. She was most likely going to promote her new album “Love”, but Sony Music just dropped her from their Epic label. Now she has nothing to promote as her romcom, The Backup-Up Plan’s, release has been pushed back to April. Haha, you suck!

No doubt Lopez is just going to stand there on stage like a jackass twiddling her thumbs trying to think of something, anything to promote. Expect 10 minutes of silence followed by a request for fried chicken, her brain food.

[Italy, February 19. Images via Fame.]

The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence is voicing its disapproval of a Saturday Night Live skit about Tiger Woods that ran over the weekend. It involved Kenan Thompson playing a beaten and battered Tiger and Blake Lively as the ass-kicking wife Elin. NCADV director Rita Smith said she was “horrified” that SNL “made such a mocker of abuse.”

“There’s nothing funny about this story, particularly if violence was part of the events that took place … I hope that SNL refrains from using this kind of skit in the future as it diminishes people’s support for victims of domestic violence.”

God, people are so dumb. If it was up to society as a whole to agree on what we should and shouldn’t find funny, we wouldn’t be laughing at anything. Someone should tell Rita violence against men is funny. Especially when it’s a hot model kicking the shit out of them because they cheated on her with 300 girls during their marriage.

Taylor Swift hosted SNL last Saturday where she sang about her douchebag ex-boyfriend Joe Jonas who cheated and broke up with her over the phone, her relationship Taylor Lautner and the Kanye West incident in her monologue. It wasn’t exactly the funniest thing ever, but it still gave me a laugh. Mainly because the Jonas Brothers seem like little dweebs that need a good ass-kicking.

Taylor Swift will host Saturday Night Live on November 7 and provides a small hint as to what can be expected. The Associated Press reports,

“I’ve been thinking about skit ideas for a long time,” the 19-year-old Swift said. “There are definitely some hilarious things that have happened to me over the past couple of months that I think will be pretty substantial skits.”

I, for one, have no idea what that sly Taylor Swift is talking about. I can’t think of any newsworthy events she’s been involved with in the past few months. She seems to be a sweet girl that generally stays out of the Hollywood spotlight. Wait a minute. I think I recall now. Didn’t Daniel Craig photobomb her recently?  What an asshole.  That crazy guy sure is going to get what’s coming to him when SNL airs. Man, I’d hate to be him right about now.

The season premiere of SNL was last Saturday. Megan Fox hosted and U2 was the musical guest and, oh, new cast member Jenny Slate dropped the f-bomb during the live broadcast. People made it out to be a bigger deal than it was. It happened at about 12:43 a.m. when everyone already forgot that SNL was on. Slate puffed her cheeks in a whoops expression after the slippage. Good news for Slate though. Executive producer Lorne Michaels won’t fire her.

Lorne Michaels, the show’s executive producer, said from New York late yesterday that the moment was especially traumatic for Slate because “it was literally her first time on the show. There was nothing dirty, just a slip of the tongue. It was ‘frickin’, frickin’, frickin’ ‘ and then boom! The pain that Jenny is going through is, I’m sure, considerably worse than that experienced by anybody who saw it.”

Sounds like this is going to blow over real quick. But it shouldn’t. My delicate sensibilities were offended. Sort of. I had to Google the word to find out its meaning. But when I did, I was shocked and appalled. Did you know they have naked ladies on the internet? How come no one told me?

Here’s Megan Fox on SNL because it’s kind of related.

As you watch this clip of last night’s Saturday Night Live featuring the return of Will Ferrell as George Bush and realize the sketch was an extended bumper sticker joke, please pray that this doesn’t help Will Ferrell find more work.

Speaking of SNL, the opening of the show featured none other than Vice Presidential hopeful and regularly mocked, Sarah Palin. It was weird. Fey is pretty much Palin’s doppelganger but when they crossed paths, an actual comedic black hole formed sucking all the humor from the skit. Some blame the lackluster sketch, I blame Palin for not showing her tits. A fact that may have just cost her the election.

Second, even more awkward appearance during the Weekend Update below.

Last week, Mark Wahlberg went off on SNL after Andy Samberg did an imitation of him talking to animals. Mark then went off on Andy when he was a guest on Jimmy Kimmel Live, threatening to break his big nose if he ever saw him. This past Saturday, Mark made nice by showing up on SNL to do a skit with Andy.

Was his very public disapproval a calculated plan to hype his appearance on SNL or was his skit a way to do damage control? The public may never know. One thing is for certain however. It was lame.