One of the problems with wearing a full body latex suit with nothing underneath while filming non-stop for 15 hours is that rashes and other skin problems start occurring when sweat builds up and the latex rubs against you. This was what Scarlett Johansson had to suffer through while filming The Avengers.

She tells USA Today, “The material is like a torture chamber. I literally had to peel it off.

“We all had skin conditions going with our outfits after 15 hours of non-stop sweat. I was sending pictures to my dermatologist in Los Angeles.”

Yikes, that doesn’t sound sexy at all but this is Scarlett Johansson we’re talking about. She could be covered in hives and even insist on wearing a dead cat as a hat and I’d still want to have sex with her. I mean, that still counts as a threesome right?

The Avengers premiered in the UK last night and walking the red carpet were most of the film’s stars including Mark Ruffalo, Robert Downey Jr., Scarlett Johansson and, for whatever reason, Cobie Smulders.

Anyway, Scarlett Johansson looked great somehow making a polka-dotted rose-stamped dress work. It’s about two sleeves and shoulder pads away from a dress you’d find in your mother’s closet. Meanwhile, Robert Downey Jr. could have worn the same thing and still looked cool.

Scarlett Johansson covers the latest issue of Vogue and tells the mag that she’s still not over Ryan Reynolds even though she dated Sean Penn even before their divorce was finalized.

Johansson describes it as “comically amicable,” but the parting was far from painless. “It was horrible,” she says. “Of course it’s horrible. It was devastating. It really throws you. You think that your life is going to be one way, and then, for various reasons or whatever, it doesn’t work out.

“This was something I never thought I would be doing,” she continues. “And there’s no way to navigate it. Nobody can give you the right answer. It’s never anything you want to hear. It’s a very lonely thing. It’s like the loneliest thing you’ll ever do, in some way.”

She says she is still recovering and doesn’t pretend the divorce is fully in the rearview. “I don’t feel on the other side of it completely, but it gets better,” she says. “It’s still there. More than anything, it’s just that not having your buddy around all the time is weird. There’s no rule book. I think it’s just time.”

Granted, Ryan Reynolds probably put that divorce in his rear view when he saw that photo of Scarlett with her foot in Sean Penn’s crotch and read about how they sickeningly made out at the White House Correspondents Dinner. It’s probably why he rebounded with Blake Lively who seems like a lot of “fun.”

Scarlett Johansson showed up to the premiere of The Avengers at Grauman’s Chinese Theatre yesterday. Scarlett, of course, plays Black Widow whose superpowers include jiggly breasts and a serious case of rickets.

As a followup to that Mark Ruffalo post where he claimed Scarlett Johansson didn’t wear underwear and that he wasn’t sporting a 10-incher, The Superficial noticed that Scarlett’s breasts jiggle every time she punches or kicks in a new clip from The Avengers. Thus, proving once again, despite the stunning achievements made by James Cameron, it’s sometimes better to let real actors do their thing. *Cups hands to chest* Bouncy, bouncy.

Still, being a man of science, I wanted, nay, needed to verify The Superficial’s claim of jiggling breasts. After yelling at my computer to “Enhance! Enhance!” a couple times, this is what it spat out in disgust. Hey, don’t judge me, computer!

Remember when we all made fun of Scarlett Johansson’s cellulite in her last bikini pics? Well, she must have heard all the snickering because she’s now covering that sh*t up. She was on a yacht this time looking much more demure. And grainy and blurry. Check out the photos at The Superficial. Old pics below for reference.

The bad news is Scarlett Johansson is currently dating douchey ad exec, Nate Naylor. The good news is, if you’ve ever wanted to steal her away from him, all you’d have to do is walk up to the guy, stare him in the eyes and wait until he runs off and hides in a bathroom. That seems to be what he’s good at.

According to Gawker, Naylor was at a party at a bar in the East Village back in December when he ran into his ex-girlfriend and her current boyfriend. Without warning, Nate “sucker punched the dude” and bloodied his nose. Nate, fearing the guy would punch him back, then ran to the bathroom and locked himself in. “Security eventually coaxed him out and ejected him.” The victim didn’t press charges and instead just cleaned himself up and continued drinking.

Holy crap. Scarlett Johansson’s boyfriend is a little bitch. He probably ran into the bathroom because he fractured his limp wrist when he punched the guy and wanted somewhere private to cry. I’ve seen five-year-olds with more testicular fortitude.

Along with the Grammys over the weekend were the British Academy of Film and Television Arts Awards, another awards show that patted actors on the back. Which is a great service. Acting is probably the most under appreciated profession in the world.

I’m not sure how I missed this last week but Scarlett Johansson was in Hawaii with her boyfriend Nate Naylor and friends. That is to say, there were a bunch of shots of her in a blue bikini looking a little bit thicker and… ahh… what the hell?

Her turning around showing all that cellulite just about ruined every fantasy I had of her. For about five seconds. I’m pretty good at compartmentalizing.

Jokingly, of course. Matt Damon sat down for an interview to promote his new movie We Bought a Zoo and was told that when asked what kind of animal he would most be like, Scarlett Johansson said it would be a baby hippo.

“I would be a baby hippo?” Matt asked me. “That is sweet. If Scarlett were an animal, what would she be … Uh, a baby hippo — bitch!” HuffPo

I would have compared Scarlett Johansson to a unicorn that gave out hand jobs. But that would be more wishful thinking than anything else.

Ugh, this is a slow news day.

Last night was the premiere of We Bought a Zoo in NYC and among the attendees was Scarlett Johansson who stood in front of a mirror beforehand and asked herself, “How can I look like a complete non-sexualized version of a girl?” Thirty minutes later, ta-da! If you must know, her dress is made by famous designer “What the Hell?” and her hair was styled by “Seriously?” If I was gay, I would have already snapped my fingers and issued a “nuh-uh girlfriend.”

Scarlett Johansson divorced Ryan Reynolds a year ago and, soon after, started making the covers of all the weeklies by dating that jackass Sean Penn but now she’s mad Ryan moved on and moved in with his now girlfriend Blake Lively. This makes complete sense.

“Scarlett is pissed that he’s not under her spell anymore,” the source tells Us. “She realized what a great catch Ryan was.”

“Ryan would have gotten back with her. He was so totally in love,” says the insider,” but then she flaunted Sean right after their split, and he was done.” Us Magazine

Well, that’s disappointing. If I were Ryan Reynolds, my first thought would be, “So… no chance of a threesome then?”

Here’s Blake Lively on the set of Gossip Girl presumably with a hickey she got from Ryan Reynolds. Or a shadow.

Scarlett Johansson was spotted on the set of Under the Skin in Scotland on break from filming and was caught smoking a funny looking cigarette. If you can’t read between the lines, I’m saying she was smoking weed.

Being an actor is great. You get paid millions of dollars for a few months of work and can even get high while shooting. The only other jobs that let you do that are dishwasher and pizza delivery guy. The only difference is instead of living in a mansion, you live in your parent’s basement and the most exotic locale you get to go to is the pool at the YMCA.