Sean Connery grew up in a two-bedroom, no bathroom house, pushed barrows for $2 a week at age 13 and at one point worked as a milkman before landing a breakout role as James Bond in 1962′s Dr. No. Because of this, Sean made it clear that his son, Jason, that he will not inherit any of his $17M and that he must make his own way without leeching off his dad.

But Miss Cilento, who was married to Connery for 11 years before their bitter divorce in 1973, said Connery’s determination to cut Jason off financially meant they had a difficult relationship.

She claims that at one stage Jason, who now works as an actor and film director, threatened to change his name after Connery accused him of cashing in on his father’s fame.

Australian-born Miss Cilento told the Sunday Times: ‘Sean said, “You only got this (acting) job because your name’s Connery.” ‘Jason said, “Well, I’ll change it to something else.” Sean said, “If you do that I’ll f****** kill you.”

They should do this to Paris Hilton and her socialite friends. There is no doubt in my mind that if this happens, they’d form a suicide pact and suffer through three failed suicide attempts before succeeding on the fourth — because they’re so dumb, you see.

Danforth Prince and Darwin Porter have published a book titled Hollywood Babylon: It’s Back. In it, they unleash a horde of information you thought you never cared about and lace their tome with full frontal shots of Mick Jagger, Daniel Radcliffe, Ewan McGregor, John Malkovich, James Woods, Richard Gere and Arnold Schwarzenegger. Basically, stuff you can find on the internet. But, they also claim Sean Connery and Johnny Depp have big dicks.

Sean Connery used to pose nude for art studies and one student said, “It was the biggest I’ve ever seen. It made me drop my charcoal pencil.” As for Johnny Depp, ladies will be interested to know that he was known as “donkey dick.” Which, when you think about it, is really insulting since I prefer they use my real name instead of my code name. So mean.

Before Sir Ian McKellen took the role of Gandalf in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, Sir Sean Connery was sought for the part. New Line Cinema even offered him 10 to 15 percent of the worldwide box office earnings to get him aboard. However, Sean Connery declined the offer because he didn’t understand the story.

New Line were indicating that having a major name like Connery was necessary in order for them to green-light the film. They asked us if we would agree to send a copy of the Fellowship screenplay to Sean with a view to enticing him to play Gandalf.

I couldn’t imagine him wanting to spend eighteen months in New Zealand, and I didn’t think they could afford his fee, but [Mark] Ordesky [the film's executive producer] told me New Line were going to offer a small fee in exchange for a large slice of the gross.

Had Sean Connery accepted, he would have earned anywhere between $289 million and $433 million which would have gone down in history as the highest earnings from a single screen role than any actor has made in the history of motion pictures.

They say they don’t think Sean Connery regrets not taking the role. I would say this regret ranks right up there with not using a condom on that $5 hooker and punching Mike Tyson in the face.

On Thursday, AFI honored 007 himself, Sean Connery, with its Lifetime Achievement Award. As he went up to the stage, he did a little jig. A jig that I would imagine could only be rivaled by the one Ashlee Simpson did on SNL. When Mike Myers went up to speak he said that his thick accent in Shrek was stolen from him. I’m not sure how one steals an accent, but I seem to recall a character in Austin Powers by the name of Fat Bastard who also had that same accent. No one brings up the good stuff in honorary speeches. That’s why, whenever I do mine, I like to do a little research on how I can most embarrass somebody. I can usually get five topics in before the groom kicks my ass.

Sir Sean Connery being weird at AFI.

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