At a Cannes benefit for Haiti, Sean Penn criticized the media for not continuing to cover the turmoil in the nation, “It’s not only celebrities who went for a day. It’s the whole fucking world. It’s all of you.”

Ann Curry caught up with Sean Penn at Cannes and interviewed him for Today. Curry touches on a variety of topics revolving around Penn’s work in Haiti and in the first few minutes, Penn gets all choked up talking about what victory would look like in Haiti. Something about a Haitian kid blah blah. It’d all seem pretty touching if you can get past his pedostache and Curry’s over earnest demeanor.

Penn was then asked about his “demanding nature” which is a nice way of saying “short temper.”

Curry asked Penn about his demanding nature, particularly when working with helpers in Haiti, and he was unrepentant: “Most of the people I’m angry at are usually international volunteers who are coming over to stamp themselves with a do-gooder label. … I don’t control my temper well, I guess.” MSNBC

Sure, it’s commendable Sean Penn spends all this time in Haiti helping them but because of all that time spent there, he’s developed this holier-than-thou attitude. If you’re not committed long term to Haiti like Penn, you’re apparently just someone who wants to feel good about themselves. Well, excuse me Mr. Bigshot Celebrity. Some people have lives and real jobs and don’t get paid millions for 3 months of work to justify staying in Haiti for 7 months out of the year.

With as much campaigning as Sean Penn has done for Haiti, you’d think Haiti was his illegitimate child. Why does Sean have such a vested interest in Haiti? Is it because he has so much goodwill to give or is it because of white guilt and how warm it makes him feel to help those “less fortunate” than him or does he have some sweet land he bought that he wants to develop? Who knows and who cares because each time he shouts to the world, “Look at me helping this poor, sloven nation and look at you not doing the same,” I care a little less. Anyway, guess what Sean was talking about in Cannes the other day? During a news conference in Cannes for a benefit for the country, Sean went off on the media for not covering Haiti more.

“It’s not only celebrities who went for a day,” he said to a room full of journalists at the Cannes film festival, when asked about his long-term commitment to the country. “It’s the whole fucking world. It’s all of you.”

He added, “The reason we have Haiti fatigue is because there was never a commitment in the first place.” Yahoo

Yea, Sean is using his celebrity to highlight the suffering in Haiti and that’s commendable but at the same time, listening to a celebrity berate you for how awful you are for not caring probably isn’t the best strategy to get people to care. Especially when this same celebrity gets to head back to his mansion to bang his supermodel girlfriend.

If you hadn’t heard, Sean Penn and Petra Nemcova are back together. The two were seen holding hands during Bono’s birthday party in NYC on May 10 where they mingled and left together. A source says Petra hooked up with Sean right after splitting with her ex-fiance Jamie Belman.

Here they are attending the Carnival in Cannes photocall. And as you can see, part of what drew Petra back to Sean was that sweet pedo-stache he’s growing. Legend has it that the pedo-stache bestows upon its wearers the power of raw animal magnetism. Oh and also a place on the FBI’s Child Crimes Unit’s watch list.

The trailer for Gangster Squad starring Ryan Gosling, Sean Penn, Josh Brolin, Emma Stone, Giovanni Ribisi, Nick Nolte and Michael Pena looks absolutely fantastic but for the love of god, can someone tell me what Sean Penn says at 7 seconds in? All I can make out is “mah nej ge meh.” It sounds like he’s stroking out.

Here’s the trailer for Sean Penn’s This Must Be the Place where he dresses in drag and talks in a soft, creepy voice. IMDB calls him a bored, retired rock star. I call him the guy that has to stay 200 feet away from schools.

Anyway, he has to go home when his dad dies and finds out daddy was a Holocaust survivor. He then sets out on a journey to find the ex-Nazi persecutor. He probably kinks his breathing tube or something.

He probably doesn’t have to though. Sean Penn makes the ugliest woman. I’d just kill myself if I he came up to me and asked if I would f**k him.

Just because Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson are broken up doesn’t mean they can’t be civil toward each other. Which they were last night at Spike TV’s Guys Choice Awards in LA. Scarlett and Seann even took a picture together backstage but left separate.

By the way, if you’re confused as to what the hell a Spike TV’s Guys Choice Awards show is, this was the other awards show. The one way more celebrities went to because they knew Twilight wouldn’t dominate every major category.

Someone sound the trumpets. Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn are no longer dating, a source tells PEOPLE.

Speculation about the pair began after Johansson did not attend the Cannes Film Festival with Penn for his movie The Tree of Life. She has been working on The Avengers in New Mexico, reprising her role of Black Widow from Iron Man 2.

Last we saw the leathery-faced malcontent, he was in a glass elevator with two “super hot” women at Cannes. It stands to reason, Sean Penn isn’t too broken up about it. But if Scarlett needs a shoulder to cry on, I’ll be here. Waiting. Naked.

I hope this marks the demise of Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson’s relationship because seeing that 49-year-old pompous asshat with Scarlett Johansson makes baby Jesus sad.

According to reports from Cannes, Sean Penn was seen with two “super-hot” women, a blond and a brunette, in a glass elevator at the Hotel du Cap in Antibes at 4 a.m. on Friday. The three of them went to one of the three-story property’s higher floors. A source said, “They weren’t sharing the elevator. They were going up together.” Sean wasn’t going to his room either as he was staying on the ground floor with his 17-year-old son.

No joke. I went down on my knees and prayed “please don’t let this be a foursome with Scarlett Johansson,” because if it was, I’d have to slit my wrists. But only after beating off to the thought of Scarlett Johansson with two chicks.

Just the idea of Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson together creeps me out so you can imagine what it would be like for me hearing that Sean and Scarlett engaged in an intense makeout session at the White House Correspondents Dinner over the weekend.

After being an asshole for the sake of being an asshole by refusing to put his hand over his heart when everyone sang The Star-Spangled Banner, Sean and Scarlett were shoving their tongues down each others throats during the main course. “She [Johansson] plopped down in his lap, and they were kissing. It happened right as the main course of the dinner was being put on the table.”

They later went to the courtyard where Sean grabbed a smoke and kept making out. “Scarlett was pawing at Sean, holding on to his hip while he was smoking. She gave him a short kiss. But then they took a walk some 30 feet away, broke off from the group and kissed some more.”

Sean, ever the gentlemen, stopped Scarlett before leaving before 3 a.m. to put his jacket on her shoulders, saying, “It’s cold out there.”

Aw, gross. Not only is my stomach doing somersaults at the thought of Sean probing Scarlett’s mouth like it was an anal cavity at an alien abduction, but now I’m sickened at the sweetness. He probably went home, lit a bunch of candles and drew her a bath too, huh?

Because Scarlett Johansson is one of the hottest women in the world, Sean Penn seems to be pushing her into marriage to nail her down permanently to his bed. This according to the National Enquirer. If you think about it, this is a smart play and really the only one he’s got. However, Scarlett is a little wary after her “painful” breakup with Ryan Reynolds.

“Scarlett says every day with Sean is an education equivalent to a college course – he’s so worldly and knowledgeable,” reports a friend.

“She knows she married Ryan way too fast, but insists she’s a quick learner. Even though marriage seems to be on Sean’s mind and he’s pushing things a little fast, Scarlett’s doing her best to hold him off at the pass.”

Sean Penn needs to up his game. If I were him, I’d be more convincing. This gun should do the trick!

They made their relationship official by going to Reese Witherspoon’s wedding together and now Us Weekly says Scarlett Johansson has moved in with Sean Penn proving that life isn’t fair.

Relocating from her temporary digs at a West Hollywood hotel, the recently divorced 26-year-old “has essentially moved in over the last few weeks,” the source says. And now that the actress and Penn, 50, share the same roof after months of furtive sightings at hotspots in Hollywood, Mexico and beyond, “they just stay home” whenever they can.

Among their fave homebody activities? Eating in and hanging out with Penn’s kids with ex-wife Robin Wright, who are mere years younger than Johansson: daughter Dylan, 20, and son Hopper, 17.

Robin Wright must feel ecstatic to “hang out” with Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson. Some women would turn lesbian for Scarlett and Robin gets to see her all the time. Sometimes most likely even making out with her ex-husband. What a lucky lady!

When rumors of Scarlett Johansson and Sean Penn dating started popping up, I dry heaved a little because all I could think of was Scarlett sticking her tongue into an old catcher’s mitt. When the National Enquirer ran this story about them groping each other at Madeo restaurant, I had two other feelings in addition to the queasiness. Jealousy and sadness. Otherwise known as Friday night.

Even though two pals were with them, the steamy duo groped, smooched and stroked – but when the meal ended, Sean suddenly wanted to change tables for dessert.

Why? Said My SpyWitness: “They were at the best table in the house, but it’s smack in the center, and Sean was annoyed by lookey-loo diners sneaking peeks. There wasn’t an empty table to be had – but Sean sent a hostess to tell three girls in a corner booth that if they’d switch tables, he’d pay for dinner.”

Giggling, the girls agreed! They trooped to Sean’s table as his party scrunched into the booth, which was a tight fit – but it didn’t cramp the lovers’ style.

“Sean and Scarlett kissed and petted like their pals weren’t even there,” said my source. “When the evening ended and the lovebirds exited, a waiter handed the three girls a check holder – but there was no bill inside; just a note from Sean that read: ‘Thank you!’”

It’s great they used words like “stroked” right after “groped” since the first thing everyone will assume is that it was his cock being stroked. Scarlett sounds fun.

Remember when TMZ posted that photo of Sean Penn and Scarlett Johansson having lunch together and Scarlett was resting her feet in his lap and being all like “yo, I’m comfortable with this” and Penn was all like “hey, girl, how’s it going?” and then everyone was all like “OMG OMG OMG they’re totally doing it!”?

Well, that may not have been far from the truth because PEOPLE reports Scarlett and Sean jetted off to Cabo San Lucas on Tuesday morning and were spotted getting a lobster dinner that night.

The pair left on a private jet from Van Nuys airport Tuesday morning, then were spotted having dinner in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico, that night, according to sources. Early Wednesday morning, they returned to Los Angeles where Johansson is shooting the film We Bought a Zoo with Matt Damon.

On the menu during their Mexican meal? Penn, 50 and Johansson, 26, reportedly enjoyed lobster and, of course, margaritas.

On Feb. 5, the couple raised eyebrows when they stayed unusually close to each other at a party celebrating Black Swan at the L.A. hotspot Sunset Tower Hotel, then reportedly left together. “They were flirting with each other all night, pretty much ignoring everyone else,” a source told PEOPLE at the time.

Sounds a lot like my date. Except instead of jetting to Mexico, we took a bus to Red Lobster and instead of a romantic meal, I jabbed an EpiPen into her thigh when she fell to the floor gasping for air as her throat swelled shut. I guess that’s what she meant by “allergic to seafood.” Huh. Go figure.