Somewhere inside Chaz Bono’s male facade lies a broke down version of Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka Trump. TMZ obtained a picture of Chaz from prettier times in 1990 and paired it with a present-day picture of Ivanka. The images are so eerily similar that I’m going to frame them both and add them to the Ivanka shrine I keep in my mother’s guest bathroom.

Chaz previously admitted it took up to a decade for him to be clean and sober enough to follow through with becoming a man. Now I know that it was not his addictions, but his own hotness that got in the way of his sex change. He’s probably spent the past ten years masturbating to his own reflection while calling himself Ivanka. Then the drugs and alcohol wreaked havoc on his perfect Ivanka figure and he decided it was time for a new identity. It’ll be another ten years before he has completely transformed into a whale. Also, if my math is correct, Ivanka has 19-years before she looks like a present-day Chaz. I’d still hit it.

A Chinese eatery by the name of Philippe frequented by the rich and famous are denying claims that their employees screen recordings of celebrities who dined in their “private” wine cellar. An insider tells the Post:

“They’ve watched tape of Diddy and Sienna Miller hanging out and Tom Brady and Gisele [Bundchen] hooking up. They get a kick out of it, they laugh and comment on people,” said our source. “Only a small circle of staffers there [knows] what’s going on.”

Ronn Torossian, a rep for the restaurant, confirms there are video cameras in the private rooms, but insists they’re for security purposes and that all tapes are kept off-site and deleted. Security purposes only. Wink wink Ronn. I gotcha. What do you say after Page Six leaves we go view these non-existent tapes? I’ll even bring my friend George Washington. If you’re really good, I’ll even bring along his identical twin. Cha-ching, Ronn, cha-ching.