Sharon Stone’s Basic Instinct days are long gone. They’re so far gone that Doc Brown needs to invent a time machine to get back to them. So she should stop wearing sheer tops without a bra. This is just depressing. Like when those overweight high school football stars try to recreate the their glory days in flag football only to end up collapsed in a huffing heap on the ground. Sharon needs to be like Roger Murtaugh and tell herself, “I’m getting too old for this sh*t.”

No idea why Sharon Stone was on a yacht in Sardinia the other day yelling at the water. Maybe she was mad that it was wet. “Why do you have to be wet, water,” she probably shouted. Then she jumped in and punched it in its stupid, watery face.

Sharon Stone thought it’d be a good idea to unleash her 50-year-old titties on the cover of French magazine Match. The headline “J’ai 50 ans, et alors!” translates roughly to “I’m 50, so what,” according to Charlie in the comments.

For once, I’m glad I don’t live in Paris. The women might be freer with their sexuality, but that means every once in a while I have to deal with pictures like this that no one wants to see. I’ll admit, Sharon Stone doesn’t look too bad for a 51-year-old but that’s like saying the two week old donut that’s been sitting outside is still edible. Sure, it is, but does anyone actually want to try it? Especially when that two week old donut was the one no one wanted to eat in the first place because all the glaze melted off?

Click through for a larger, uncensored version and a grainy, blown up version of the topless cover. Or don’t. It’s your choice, man.

While the now 90 pound Sharon Stone is rapidly aging, her breasts are attempting to pull a Benjamin Button. Not very well, I might add. It’s always suspicious when gravity takes down everything on someone’s body except their chest. Like my grandma always says, “Give me my pancakes!” Okay, so that wasn’t really relevant.

I was told this was an upskirt photo of the aging beauty (bwahahaha) Sharon Stone. I’m not too sure though. I didn’t make it past her face before running off to the bathroom to puke. See if you can. Winner receives my condolences.

A few days ago, Sharon Stone lost joint custody of her son Roan. She denied it of course and called it a misunderstanding. Well, if this “Tentative Statement of Decision” just released by the court is any indication, the only misunderstanding was on Sharon’s part.

“Mother appears to overreact to many medical issues involving Roan.” In one case, the judge describes Stone believing Roan had a spinal condition, but “there was no evidence to support this allegation.”

And then the court says, “Another example of an overreaction is that Mother suggested that Roan should have Botox injections in his feet to resolve a problem he had with foot odor. As Father appropriately noted, the simple and common sense approach of making sure Roan wore socks with his shoes and used foot deodorant corrected the odor problem without the need for any invasive procedure on this young child.”

The judge differentiated very distinctly the difference between Bronstein and Stone, saying, “Father has championed for Roan’s well-being out of, what appears to this Court, nothing less than the unconditional love for his son. Unfortunately, and for unexplained reasons, it appears that Mother did not involve herself to the extent she could or should have in this process … Mother has attempted to put up roadblocks to Roan’s getting help, or has decided against participating in his care.”

By the looks of it, joint custody won’t be restored for Sharon unless one of two things happen. One, after years of evaluation by a licensed therapist, she’s deemed sane or two, she dies. And number one won’t happen any time soon. You could throw Roan in a den of abused lions and he’d be better off than with Sharon. If Sharon was still in charge of Roan, he’d probably be in his sixth round of chemotherapy and his tenth foot botox injection by the end of the year. I guess one can never be too careful. I mean, sure, he’ll be hairless and puking every day, but on the upside, he’ll have the smoothest feet ever.

Sharon Stone lost joint custody of her 8-year-old son Roan. Court documents from a September 12, 2008 hearing indicate that Stone’s ex-husband Phil Bronstein “shall have permanent sole physical custody of child. Court finds that Respondent (Sharon Stone) failed to meet her burden of proof and denies Respondent’s (Sharon Stone’s) request for modification of custody. The judge also notes this order is permanent unless there is a change of circumstances.”

Hooray for Roan. No more coming home from school with a heavy sigh to find mommy plastered and reenacting Basic Instinct. Best of all, no more awkward sleepovers.

Sharon Stone issued an apology for saying China must have deserved the devastating earthquake that hit them because their government isn’t nice.

“Due to my inappropriate words and acts during the interview, I feel deeply sorry and sad about hurting Chinese people. I am willing to take part in the relief work of China’s earthquake, and wholly devote myself to helping affected Chinese people.”

Too little too late it seems as the “deeply sorry” Sharon Stone recently had her films blacklisted by one of China’s larger cinema chains and now Dior China – Sharon is the face of Dior — has stopped using her ads immediately and won’t use her image in any “advertising, marketing and commercial activities.”

I think a valuable lesson someone can teach her, one in which we can all take something from, is to blindfold her and push her down a large flight of stairs. Granted, I don’t know what the lesson is, but I’m sure we can figure something out.

One of China’s biggest cinema chains is boycotting all of Sharon Stone’s movies after the infamous interview in which she said the China earthquake that killed 70,000 people was karma for what the government is doing to the Tibetans. The UME Cineplex chain’s founder, Ng See-Yuen, said actors shouldn’t bring personal politics to natural disasters. “UME has branches in Beijing, Shanghai, Chongqing, Hangzhou and Guangzhou, China’s biggest urban movie markets.”

This is a win-win for China. Sharon Stone’s movies suck. The last great movie she was in was Casino and she didn’t even do anything. Just get banged by Joe Pesci which was really awkward. The only reason she became famous was because she flashed her vagina on film. Oh, what talent!

According to IMDB, Sharon has four upcoming releases. Five Dollars a Day in 2008 with Christopher Walken, Streets of Blood in 2009 with Val Kilmer, My Own Love Song in 2009 with Forrest Whitaker and Dirty Tricks in 2010 with Brad Pitt.

A 7.8 magnitude earthquake ripped through China on May 12 killing almost 80,000 people and trapping thousands more under the rubble. On Sunday, a 6.0 magnitude aftershock hit Sichuan province killing six more and injuring around 1,000. It was a disaster in no uncertain terms.

Last Thursday during a red carpet interview in Cannes, Sharon Stone said they deserved it because she doesn’t like how the Chinese are treating the Tibetans. She also questioned how the United States should handle the Olympics because China isn’t being nice to the Dalia Lama, “who’s a good friend of mine.”

“Then all this earthquake and all this stuff happened, and I thought, is that karma? When you’re not nice, that the bad things happen to you?” said the 50-year-old star.

But the “Basic Instinct” actress had a change of heart when she got a letter from the Tibetan Foundation saying the organization wanted to be helpful to the quake victims. Stone was humbled.

“That made me cry,” she said. “Sometimes you have to learn to put your head down and be of service, even to people who aren’t nice to you. That’s a big lesson for me.”

Isn’t that big of Sharon? She’s so gracious. I bet when she walks down the street and sees an Asian person, Sharon will stop them and tell them to “stop being mean to the Dalai Lama and FREE TIBET you Chinese jerk.” They’ll tell her in perfect English that they’re Japanese and Sharon will look directly at them, confused, and shout, “I CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU!” as if they were deaf and then proceed to walk away indignant.

Sharon Stone nearly flashed her privates the other day as she made her way off a boat in Cannes similar to what her young predecessor Lindsay Lohan did two years ago. Mercifully, her nut sack was hidden behind a pair of panties. So, yea, consider yourself lucky because this post could have been a lot more disgusting.

It’s unfortunate that the last celebrity nipple slip of 2007 will be from Sharon Stone. She’s almost half a century old. She shouldn’t be dressing like this. She should be at home telling kids about how her people discovered fire and built the first wheel. And look at those leather pants. Is it safe for her to wear those? They seem a little tight. If I were her age, I’d be worried about the vise like grip those things had around my thighs. They could crush one of her bones. Sharon Stone doesn’t care though. Sharon Stone lives on the edge. NSFW by the way.

Sharon Stone was spotted in Pantelleria, Sicily sunbathing topless. She’s almost 50, but still rocks a nice body. Just don’t look at her face. One time a guy did just that and his penis fell off. True story. This is NSFW.

My server went down for a while on Sunday and a little this morning. I’m still trying to figure out what happened. If it goes down again today, don’t worry. I’m on it like Rosie on honey.