The sex tape to end all sex tapes will be delayed a week. The Shauna Sand sex tape was in legal limbo as Shauna denied having anything to do with it and sent a cease and desist, but Vivid Entertainment, the company releasing this monstrosity unto to the world, says Shauna signed a release.

Vivid brought in handwriting experts to prove Shauna’s signature was authentic. After a meeting between the two, Shauna basically said “whatever” and gave them permission to release the tape. She claimed a legal battle would be long and expensive. That translates to “they gave me a bigger cut of the profits.”

I don’t know why Vivid was so hellbent on releasing this. That’s like fighting for the right to release 2 Girls, 1 Cup. You might as well hand everyone railroad spikes and a hammer for their eyes.

Plastic surgery enthusiast Shauna Sand was granted a temporary restraining order against her husband Romain Chavent yesterday. Sand claims Romain chocked, punched and threw her across a room in front of her children. She also said her husband, “hit me in the breasts, which I just had reconstructive surgery.” The fun doesn’t stop there though.

In the documents, Shauna also claims in March 2008, Chavent punched her in the stomach and threw her into a wall. And in 2007, Romain allegedly strangled, punched and threw Sand across the room. Shauna says she was granted a restraining order for the 2007 incident, but had it dismissed “because he promised to change.”

To make matters worse, Romain may also peddle kiddie porn. Sand goes on to claim that he once “threatened to sell nude photos of my children that he took of them when he was babysitting.”

Wait, what? The first thing that comes to mind when I babysit is how much beer this kid needs to fall asleep not how I can trick them into getting nude so I can take pictures of them to use for blackmail. Jesus, the only thing this guy hasn’t done is push an old lady down the stairs and kill a kitten. The next thing on his todo list is probably “kick a field goal with a baby.”