Star Jones responded to Barbara Walters’ hurtful words today by calling her a bunch of names like any mature, rational adult would.

“It is a sad day when an icon like Barbara Walters, in the sunset of her life, is reduced to publicly branding herself as an adulterer, humiliating an innocent family with accounts of her illicit affair and speaking negatively against me all for the sake of selling a book,” Jones told Us. “It speaks to her true character.”

Star actually had another two paragraphs to read, but gave up because she was still really winded from the first one so, instead, she bought some hamburgers.

Everyone already knew Star Jones didn’t lose all that weight through diet and exercise, but the ex-View host wouldn’t cop to anything. Now, in a new self-written article, she reveals she had gastric bypass surgery. Shocker. The fatty writes,

Whenever I felt lonely, a Double Whopper with cheese became my friend. If I felt sad, six strips of bacon made me feel better.

My weight gain began to take a physical toll: I couldn’t breathe without sounding winded; walk without getting tired; sleep without snoring; or take a flight without using a seat belt extender. I pretended not to see how big I was getting — but not only did I see it, I was disgusted by it. I also pretended not to see the side looks and smirks from friends and strangers, or to comprehend the backhanded compliments I often received, such as, “You have such a pretty face” (I knew they really wanted to add, “for a woman of your size”).

The whole thing is her whining and telling herself it’s alright to take the easy way out. Her friend told her she was too fat and the first thing that popped into her mind was surgery. It should have been “stop eating fatty”. Run on a treadmill. On second thought, that may not have worked. The treads probably wouldn’t even have moved. The only thing the treadmill would have done was say, “Heeeellllp meeeee.”

Whose vagina is going to ring in the New Year?

1. Star Jones’ husband went to some good schools. Also might be gay. [Evil Beet]
2. 10 best celebrity encounters with the law. [BWE]
3. Cameron Diaz and Drew Barrymore shop. Fug and sidekick fug are at it again. [Celebrity Smack]
4. Maddox Jolie Pitt is the best celebrity kid. [CityRag]
5. Ryan Phillipe buys lingerie for his, erm, girlfriend. [Celebitchy]
6. Britney Spears dumped by another publicist. [Egotastic]

The most annoying woman in Hollywood is set to announce her departure from her show of nine years. Star Jones is finally leaving The View. I make it a point not to watch The View, yet I still hear about Star Jones being a bitch. That’s how annoying she is. It takes real talent to annoy people who never wanted or cared to know you.

In twisted fashion, Rosie O’Donnell will be joining The View in September. Call me stupid, but how does replacing one annoying fat girl with an annoying fat butch lesbian girl make a difference? All you’re gonna get from her are “opinions” and “ideas” and “independent” thinking. It’s been proven that women don’t need these things. Not the pretty ones anyway.