Lindsay Lohan is back drinking again. The unemployed actress partied at the Beatrice Inn with Stavros Niarchos and Brody Jenner on Friday and had at least two vodka cocktails. One report claims Lindsay was all over Brody, while another says she was all over Stavros. And yet another, mine, says she was all over both because she’s a slut and that’s what sluts do.

“Lindsay is learning how to work through her addictions and, once in a while, she chooses to have a cocktail,” says a friend, attempting to explain. “People overexaggerate her behavior when in fact on Friday night, many people commented to her on how composed she was.”

One source contends that drinks were showing on Linds on Friday. Confronted by paparazzi at the Beatrice, “she started going berserk,” claims a witness. “She didn’t want them taking shots of her with Brody.”

Lindsay has nothing else to do besides drink, be belligerent and screw. The last movie she was in was nominated for a Razzie. Her most famous movie was Mean Girls and before that, The Parent Trap. At what point do you stop living in the past and admit you’re done. If she’s like me, never. I’m still telling people stories about the time I shoved 30 marshmallows in my mouth and managed to still be able to say “chubby bunny.” Take that Janet Rud and Catherine “Casey” Fish.

When, Petra Nemcova recently broke up with James Blunt. The nation heaved a sigh of relief, anyone who saw them together always thought how nice it was for Petra to take her kid brother with Down Syndrome out to play. Evidently, Petra is easy. She was spotted at Bungalow 8 partying with Paris’ ex, Stavros Niarchos. Page Six says,

“She was grinding him,” our witness said. “It was pretty gross. I mean, he used to sleep with Paris. Eww.” A rep for Nemcova said, “I haven’t heard of this.”

You could be missing half your face and Petra would still give you a handjob at the movie theater. Good news for me since my dates involve an imaginary tea party followed by cupcakes I made in my EZ Bake oven. After which, Petra will be like putty in my hands. But wait, before we get to it, I gotta turn all my stuffed animals around so they’re facing the wall. I’m shy.

My wildest dreams have come true. Shanna Moakler has done what many have imagined doing for years. She has punched Paris Hilton in the face. The incident happened around 1 AM at club Hyde. Paris has filed a police report for battery at LAPD’s Hollywood division. In return, Shanna alleges that Stavros Niarchos poured a drink over her head and pushed her down some stairs.

Elliot Mintz, Paris’ publicist, tells TMZ that his client was at Hyde nightclub Wednesday night and at approximately 1:10 a.m. she says she was approached by Shanna, who allegedly began screaming obscenities at her. Hilton says at that point Moakler struck her in the jaw with a closed fist as she continued to shout profanities. Mintz says Moakler was restrained and several people helped Paris exit Hyde. Mintz says Hilton never touched Moakler.

One can only hope Shanna had proper footing and turned her hips into it. Either way, it’s awesome and Shanna should get a service award of some kind. The only issue I have is that no one caught it on camera for Sports Center to do slo-mo replays of. The picture above is of her and her publicist, Elliot Mintz, going to the police station to file a police report.