The other day, Steven Tyler slipped and fell in the shower which knocked out a couple teeth and gave him a black eye. This morning, he was on the Today Show to talk about it.

Tyler explains he was nauseous from food poisoning, started to get sick, fell on his face and passed out. He said it has nothing to do with drinking though he understands why people would think that.

They also showed a picture of him after the incident. He looked gnarly and a little hillbilly-ish. They should have photoshopped a jug of moonshine in there and a hunting rifle just to mess with people.

Steven Tyler was hospitalized today after losing two teeth during a futile fight with his shower floor at the Bourbon Hotel in Asuncion, Paraguay. Organizers for his concert blamed the fall on food poisoning which caused Tyler to become disorientated and dehydrated.

The rocker has vowed to perform the concert tomorrow, obviously keen not to repeat the events of two years ago when a broken shoulder forced the band to scrap a North American tour, after he fell off stage in South Dakota.

Tyler received stitches and had emergency dental work done during a nearly four-hour stay at the La Costa medical center in Paraguay’s capital, according to a hospital statement. Daily Mail

You know you’re getting old when you slip and fall in the shower. That’s like a rite of passage for old people. Though it’s sad to see Steven Tyler now become a punchline to a Medic Alert bracelet commercial. Poor guy, he probably chases shots with Metamucil now.

Steven Tyler admits to once having dabbled gay sex during his youth. While he nailed a lot of female groupies in his day, he only had sex with a teenage dude once. What, that’s it? I mean, uh, what a homo.

From his new memoir, Does the Noise in My Head Bother You?, Tyler says, “Gay sex just doesn’t do it for me. I tried it one time when I was younger, but I just didn’t dig it.”

In his book, he also says he made the women he slept with shower beforehand. Tyler says he couldn’t kiss a girl who’d been stage diving with 500 other dudes.

If I was Tyler, with the amount of women he got back in the day, I’d have installed a fire hose on the tour bus and sprayed them down with that. It’d be much quicker and much more humiliating. That’s what he was going for, right?

TMZ sat down with Guns ‘N Roses drummer Steven Adler. For what reason, no one knows, but the conversation quickly turned away from the mumbling Steven Adler and onto more famous people like the other Steven. Steven Tyler.

Because it’s TMZ, what started as a discussion about taking ExtenZe to enlarge Adler’s dick (doesn’t work, he claims), turned into a discussion about Steven Tyler’s huge penis. Adler said, “I’ve tried ‘em. They don’t work. After seeing Steven Tyler’s right with five different girls hands wrapped around it, I’m lucky if I take my clothes off after that. I was devastated.”

To be fair, a horse would be devastated after seeing that. Considering the estimated breadth of a woman’s hand is something around 3 inches and assuming Adler is talking about 5 hands on top of each other, that would make Steven Tyler’s penis 15 inches long. Give or take. At that point, it becomes more of a liability, really. At least that’s what I say to make myself feel better.

Even though everyone knew about it and didn’t care, American Idol still made a spectacle of announcing Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler as the two new judges.

Asked what she was looking for in an Idol contestant, Lopez said, “I’m looking for the next Michael Jackson. We’re looking, we’re looking, like Randy said, for the best American Idol ever.”

Steven Tyler’s corpse also mumbled something but it wasn’t clear what.

I bet “descending unto Earth like an angel from the heavens” was part of Jennifer’s diva demands for appearing on AI. Every show is going to start like the picture above. Jennifer on a cloud in the sky floating to the stage as harps play behind her and a beam of white light illuminates her body. I for one welcome our musical Messiah.

On Thursday, Ellen DeGeneres announced that she wouldn’t be returning as a judge to American Idol. No one really cared because the only thing Ellen was good for was agreeing with what Simon or Randy said but phrasing her critique in a different way so it would sound like her own idea. Whenever she was asked to give her opinion first, you could see her floundering before coming up with either an obvious comment or a wishy-washy analysis.

Kara DioGuardi was also fired because she was useless and no one liked her even though she was the most attractive one there. Sources say the official reason is that AI wants to go back to the three-judge format. Which would make sense if they kept the original judges. But they didn’t. So read into that as you will.

Reports today say Ellen and Kara have been replaced by Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler. Oh, good. So this show will be even less entertaining. What’s the over/under that Jennifer will somehow always include a little fact about herself in each of her critiques and Steven will look lost every time he’s called on. Next season of AI will just be an infomercial for Lopez’s life and people confusing Steven for a 70-year-old lady.

[Fame]

Steven Tyler, lead singer of Aerosmith, has checked back into rehab. This time for an addiction to painkillers that resulted from 10 years of abuse to his body. Back in August, Tyler canceled a tour after falling off the stage and breaking his left shoulder.

“I love Aerosmith; I love performing as the lead singer in Aerosmith. I am grateful for all of the support and love I am receiving and am committed to getting things taken care of,” the 61-year-old rocker said in a statement released Tuesday.

I only have one thing to say. Just painkillers? Maybe this is just a blanket term for blow, alcohol and sex. If not, Steven Tyler has totally lost his edge and I can’t believe in anyone anymore.

Up top is Steven Tyler at Glamour’s Women of the Year Awards. Appropriate because Steven looks and dresses like an old lady.

[Image: Splash News]

A little while ago, Steven Tyler suffered a broken shoulder when he fell off a stage in South Dakota sending him to the hospital and forcing him to cancel his tour. Well, he was recently photographed at Pembroke Center Liqours in Boston with actor Chuck Slavin and what the hell did the doctors there do to him? He looks like he should be shuffling down the street with those walkers that have tennis balls on the feet.

They must have switched his chart up when he went to the hospital. This is why I never go to the doctors. One minute they’re testing your blood pressure, the next they’re gassing you up and giving you a sex reassignment surgery. Hopefully Tyler got a nice set of tits out of the mix-up.

Steven Tyler used the old “I just had foot surgery and the pain was intense so I needed to figure out how to deal with it” excuse for checking into rehab. He tells PEOPLE:

“The doctors told me the pain in my feet could be corrected but it would require a few surgeries over time,” Tyler says in a statement released Thursday. “The ‘foot repair’ pain was intense, greater than I’d anticipated. The months of rehabilitative care and the painful strain of physical therapy were traumatic. I really needed a safe environment to recuperate where I could shut off my phone and get back on my feet. Make no mistake, Aerosmith has no plans to stop rocking. There’s a new album to record, then another tour.”

I’ll tell Steven what I told that skateboarder with the broken femur. Walk it off you pussy. You’re not Kirsten Dunst. You don’t have to be a weirdo and make up excuses like you were depressed. I mean, were there even any foot problems? You expect people to believe at the age of, um, 90, that you’re still able to pull off “trademark athletic performances?” I guess if you call moving two steps to the right and tripping over yourself athleticism then yea. To me though, athleticism means pulling out of a girl and finishing off on her face then immediately diving out the window and somersaulting off the roof before her boyfriend opens the door. Sort of like a horny ninja.

Photo: SplashNewsOnline