You can pretty much tell why this Durex commercial was banned from being aired during the Super Bowl about 2 seconds into it. The point Durex is making is “use a condom, you whore, or you could give birth to the next mass murderer.” Which is pretty grim. I mean, what if the chick gives birth to the next Denzel Washington? Sure, there’ll be a little anger at first because her partner isn’t black and he’s already been put on the birth certificate but that anger will eventually subside as he drinks himself into depression. But just think, in 35 years, that kid may become the sixth black man to win an Oscar.

Before I get started, M.I.A. is a badass. If it wasn’t for her, the only thing people would remember about the Super Bowl halftime show was rickety old Madonna and her old lady knees trying to climb up a bench. Instead, they’ll now remember M.I.A. escaping the censors and flipping off 100 million viewers after singing “I’m gonna say this once/I don’t give a shh.”

For the most part, the half-time show was lukewarm at best. Does anyone really want to watch Madonna shufflin’ or a young Richard Simmons bounce up and down on a tightrope while Madonna bounces on a platform? The only highlight was M.I.A. being awesome and black Liberace wearing his faaaabulous supreme court justice outfit.

Past Super Bowl halftime performers have included The Who, Bruce Springsteen, The Rolling Stones and Paul McCartney. Unfortunately, now that list will include Madge herself as they welcome her prerecorded tracks to this year’s Super Bowl in Indianapolis. Just pray for no Janet Jackson wardrobe malfunction. Squeezing that old woman’s boob back in her dress will be like putting a fart back in your butt. Not gonna happen.

Understandably, the Super Bowl wants mainstream entertainment, but was Katy Perry not available? The only thing Madonna and football have in common is that both are made of leather and plastic. Football is all about a beer-chuggin’, burger-eatin’, hootin’ and hollerin’ good time. Having Madonna at the Super Bowl makes as much as sense as having Jerry Sandusky on Sesame Street.

If any of you missed the Black Eyed Peas’ Super Bowl halftime show, consider yourself lucky. But if you missed it and really want to know what it feels like to sit through a lackluster performance of every one of their singles since the dawn of time, the video is below.

It features appearances from Slash, who stood there and played the same song he’s been playing for 50 years, and Usher, who sang two words and did the splits. Also included was an LED orgy and a broken ‘V’ when they tried to spell ‘Love’.

In related news, ESPN polled people on what grade they would give the Black Eyed Peas for their halftime performance. The results may surprise you. Hint: Everyone gave them an F and F didn’t stand for “Fun” or “Fantastic”.

Because people are making this a big deal even though it isn’t, Christina Aguilera shimmied her way out of the buffet line long enough to issue an apology for messing up the lyrics to the national anthem at last night’s Super Bowl. Christina says she was caught up in the moment which caused her to sing “what so proudly we watched at the twilight’s last reaming” instead of “o’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming.”

“I got so caught up in the moment of the song that I lost my place. I can only hope that everyone could feel my love for this country and that the true spirit of its anthem still came through.”

So, you see, Christina Aguilera didn’t botch the song because she hates America. She botched the song because she loves America too much.

“You will do as the A-Rod says and the A-Rod says to feed him.” — A-Rod, Super Bowl XLV.

Alternatively, “Durr, durrr, durr.”

[via IOT]

Christina Aguilera was invited to sing the national anthem to kick off Super Bowl XLV but after Sunday, she might not get a second invite.

Aguilera, who has sung the national anthem before during NBA games, messed up halfway through the song. Instead of singing, “O’er the ramparts we watched were so gallantly streaming,” she sang, “what so proudly we watched at the twilight’s last [unintelligible].”

Attendees called it a disaster and a witness said everyone was looking at each other when she flubbed her lines. A source says Aguilera was “devastated” backstage and that she know she blew it. “It’s an honor to be asked and she let America and herself down. She doesn’t want anyone around her. Everyone telling her she was great but she knows the truth.”

What a drama queen this source is. They make it sound like Christina strangled a bald eagle and curb stomped the American flag. Does anyone even remember who sang the national anthem before last year’s Super Bowl?

Still, in Christina’s defense, it’s really hard for her to concentrate when she catches a glimpse of a Twinkie out the corner of her eye. There should have been a message on the jumbotron written in big, flashing letters that read, “HIDE YO’ SNACKS!”

Since the Saints won the Super Bowl, that means there must be a big loser. And there is. The Colts. Of which Hank Baskett who is married to Kendra Wilkinson is a member of.

Up top is Kendra leaving the stadium in tears. Possibly because she’s upset that her husband’s championship dreams have just been dashed, but probably more because her husband is somewhat responsible for the Colt’s 31-17 loss as a result of totally failing to recover the surprise onside kick at the start of the second half. Kendra was probably embarrassed to tears. I know I would be. “Hank is dead to me!,” I would say as I ran crying to my car.

Update: Kendra explains her tears:  “I wasn’t cryin cuz of the damn game it’s cuz the paparazzi have no soul,” she tweeted. “they wouldn’t leave me n family alone!!!! we asked them to stop cuz of the baby n they were way too close n they didn’t care at allllllll”

Looks like someone wasn’t being truthful in that Megan Fox Motoblur commercial during the Super Bowl. In the ad which cost an estimated $2 – $3 million to make, they used a hand double in place of Megan’s real hands because her toe thumbs would have freaked everyone out. The Daily Mail says:

In the commercial, a totally different woman’s fingers are seen playing with the phone during the close-up.

The actress has a genetic condition called brachydactyly, which means she has clubbed thumbs.

So rather than use her actual thumbs for the close-up on the new Blur smart phone, Motorola enlisted a hand model.

While Motorola were likely expecting lots of internet buzz over Fox’s naked appearance in the ad, bloggers couldn’t help commending on her hands.

Honestly, Megan Fox could have baby T-Rex arms and I’d still be able to finish in 5 seconds if she put her hands on my penis*. But that’s more due to my dinosaur porn fetish than anything else. Although maybe it’s true. People aren’t ready to accept toe thumbs. I guess they’re not as mature as me.

*Giggle. I said penis.

If you hadn’t heard, the Saints won Super Bowl 44 defeating the Colts 31-17. Just last month, Reggie Bush vowed to propose to Kim Kardashian if his team won the Super Bowl. Did he do it? I don’t know, what do I look like, a psychic? But if this was me and Kim ever brought that up, I’d just look off to the side and change the subject. Maybe point to a bird or something and wonder out loud what kind it is. A blue jay? A yellow breasted something or other? Maybe she’ll forget this deal I made with the devil.

Salesgenie.com, a unit of InfoUSA, ran two Super Bowl spots over the weekend. Created by the CEO of the company himself, Vin Gupta, the commercials featured an Indian man searching for sales leads to support his wife and seven kids and two pandas talking in a Charlie Chan accent. Because, you know, Indians love having kids and if pandas could talk, they wouldn’t speak perfect English or Chinese, no, they’d speak in heavily accented English. The only commercial Vin Gupta was missing to complete a triple threat was one of a black guy turning to sales genie for leads so he’d have money to buy fried chicken and waffles. But, I guess in Vin Gupta’s mind that wouldn’t work since the black guy would just steal the leads.

The most surprising thing about these commercials wasn’t that Fox allowed them to be aired, it’s that they were perfectly crafted by Vin Gupta who intended them to be the worst commercials in Super Bowl history. That way people would remember SalesGenie forever. No, really. So, I ask you this. Is Vin Gupta A) A marketing genius B) Blissfully ignorant C) Mildly retarded or D) All of the above?