Susan Sarandon, 64, tells V magazine in their special age issue that “I wouldn’t want to be 20 now. I know so much more, and I’m much more comfortable in my skin, saggy as it is.” Adding, “If you’re upset with how you look at 25, life’s going to be tough.”

Meanwhile, Jane Fonda, 72, says, “There’s fabulous things about being older. The older people get, the less scared they are. All the studies show you’re not as anxious. People tend to have less hostility, they have less negative emotions. They tend to see things from both sides. Very few things stress me out.”

Whatever. They should call this issue: “Old People Say the Darndest Things.” When I’m 80, my favorite hobby will be to stare out the window waiting for death prepared to shoo it away with my cane. “Get away from me, death,” I’ll shout, violently swinging my cane at him as he throws a bunch of mail at me and walks away.

EW talked to Susan Sarandon, 63, about how things have changed now that she’s divorced from Tim Robbins. Susan says it’s exhilarating and terrifying at the same time. Susan should watch out. She doesn’t want too much exhilaration. Her heart might give out.

EW went on to ask if she was seeing anyone. Susan gave a “no comment” but added:

“It’s a long time to not be dating and then go back into it. I certainly love the idea of being in love, and I love the idea of companionship. Whatever happens next in terms of romance and partners, I don’t know. But it’s exhilarating and terrifying. I think the point is just keep moving, and to just say yes to life.”

Oh and she doesn’t mind being called a cougar. “No, I love that!” I don’t get why old people would mind being called a cougar anyway. Cougars are hot, sexy and mature. What would they rather be called? Dignified? Who wants that? No one wants to hang out with someone “dignified”. That implies they have morals. How are you supposed to trick a person who’s “that way” into getting drunk and sleeping with you?

[INF]

The newly single Susan Sarandon was at the Of Montreal show in NYC Tuesday night when two men dressed as pigs came on stage and started play fighting. Susan decided to exact justice and started spanking them with a ruler. Then she bent one of them over her knee and spanked him with a ruler some more. Huh? This is so weird. Susan Sarandon listens to Of Montreal?

A day removed from finding out Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins split after 23 years of unwed bliss, Gawker got a tip that Sarandon already has a new piece. 31-year-old ping pong entrepreneur Jonathan Bricklin, son of Subaru of America founder Malcolm Bricklin.

The story is only sort of believable in that Susan invested in Jonathan’s ping-pong club Spin in NYC. She also doesn’t mind the age difference. She and Tim Robbins had a 12 year age gap.

However, Susan’s publicist tells ABC News that this is a lie. “The rumors are absolutely untrue,” Cannaday told ABCNews.com. “Susan’s relationship with Jonathan Bricklin is strictly a business one.”

If it were true, Susan should admit it. That way I can high-five her and tell her about my new venture. It involves opening a hipster hot spot themed around a sport so dorky that it’s become cool and trendy. Ultimate frisbee or math.

Having spent 23 years together, Susan Sarandon and Tim Robbins have split. They have two children together, Jack, 20, and Miles, 17.

“Actress Susan Sarandon and her partner of 23 years, actor Tim Robbins have announced that they separated over the summer,” her rep Teal Cannaday tells PEOPLE in a statement. “No further comments will be made.”

No reason was given, but if these two couldn’t last past 23 years, which Hollywood couple can? Sigh. This is why I never stick to one girl for too long. I’m so handsome and popular that it never works out. Plus the cops are always on to me.

If you saw Eva Amurri take her clothes off on Californication and liked it, you can thank Susan Sarandon, her mom, for that. Eva said she wasn’t sure at first, but her mom encouraged her, telling Eva to show her breasts while she was still young. Susan said:

“I’ve seen bits and pieces of some of the nudity and she looks beautiful – if you have it, why not?”

“She plays a woman who, as far as I can tell, is really in charge of her life and is not a victim. So it sounded to me like it would be a blast.

“I think if she were playing something that was going to be really hard for her psychologically or damaging, I’d be more concerned, but she had a really good time with the sex thing.”

If Susan also told Eva to date the handsome celebrity blogger who runs The Blemish, she might make it to the top of my list of “Best Mothers Ever”. Even beating out my own mother who gave birth to me.

Boobs start here.

Susan Sarandon is 62. In 1971, she was 24. Also in 1971, she shot the sex flick The Apprentice in Quebec. The film was in theatres for only a few days before being retracted. Next month, The Apprentice is getting it’s first DVD release.

“There is sex in the movie and Sarandon is sexy and nude,” an insider tells us. “There are a few sex scenes and one involving Sarandon as a sensual Anglophone model who’s a prisoner of her own sexual abandonment.”

This wasn’t the first time she went naked. Sarandon was topless in 1978′s Pretty Baby along with a lot of others. But if you have a twisted mind, you can go rent The Apprentice and check out Susan Sarandon doing it. It’s sort of like watching a sex tape your grandmother made with someone who isn’t your grandfather when she was 24. Gross and creepy. I hope I ruined this for you by the way.

[Image via Splash News]

SARANDON’S ’71 SEX FLICK ON DVD [Page Six]