There’s a stolen Usher sex tape being shopped around which will probably end up being released by Vivid once they iron out the contract with Usher and Tameka Foster. That is if Tameka ever agrees to it since she didn’t know she was being filmed in the first place. Tameka’s attorney told Radar, “Ms. Raymond has not seen the alleged video and had no knowledge that such a video existed. She is certainly unhappy about it. There is no further comment at this time.”

That’s pretty sneaky of Usher. When I film myself having sex with girls to prove to everybody this actually happened, they know they’re being filmed because of the cameras set up in a 360 around the bed. I want to be the Matrix of sex tapes. I’m very ambitious.

Before Usher and his ex-wife Tameka Foster split, they made a sex tape. As is normally the case, it’s now being shopped around to various outlets. One of which being TMZ who was shown a short preview video and given two photos. TMZ just says, “the people in the video are both givers.” That would be way more awesome if they meant Tameka wore a strap-on but I think this just means oral.

Sources claim this may have been among the things stolen from Usher’s car in December 2009 along with $1,000,000 in jewelery and electronics and two laptops. IN HIS CAR. That’s not suspicious at all.

In a statement released to TheYBF, Tameka says, “Yes, I have had sex with my [ex] husband. Multiple times. Would I sanction a sextape being out? Absolutely not. I am a mother and entrepreneur. Sex tapes or pornography would not be my lane. I have no desire to be seen in that way.”

Tameka added, “Why? How much do you think I can get for it? A lot?,” and then she wiped the drool from her mouth.

11 days ago, Usher’s wife, Tameka Foster Raymond, suffered a heart attack while being anesthetized prior to a “simple liposuction” in Sao Rafael Hospital in Brazil. She was revived with heart massage and put into an induced coma before being transferred to the better equipped Sirio-Libanes hospital. Today, she checked out.

It is believed that the reason for the cardiac arrest was due to the fact Tameka lied and said she had a child four months ago when in fact she had one two months ago. Patients normally need to wait six to eight months after childbirth before surgeons suck the fat out of them.

I hope they finished the surgery. It’d be a shame to go all that way and not finish the lipo. At the very least, doctors should have given her a t-shirt that read, “I went to Brazil and all I got was a heart attack and an induced coma.” That way it wouldn’t be a total loss.

New details have emerged regarding Tameka Foster’s “serious” medical emergency. G1 unearthed specifics despite Usher’s people calling for “total privacy” from the hospital. Reports say Foster was being anesthetized for liposuction when she went into cardiac and respiratory arrest. Doctors had to put her into an induced coma for 24 hours to stabilize her.

Usher canceled his Grammy appearance to fly to Brazil and brought along a neurosurgeon from Cedars-Sinai Medical Center who has been put in charge of Foster’s treatment.

There’s no reason given why she went to Brazil to get lipo when she could have had the same procedure done in America. Most of the time you go to Brazil to do things they won’t let you do here. Things like black market kidney transplants and living near high schools.

Report: Usher’s Wife Had Coma Induced After Lipo Mishap [E!]

Tameka Foster, Usher’s wife, is in stable condition following complications suffered during “routine surgery” in Brazil. Usher canceled his pre-Grammy performance to fly to Tameka’s bedside. The “routine surgery” was some type of plastic surgery (cough*vaginalreconstruction*cough).

Note that this wasn’t done in the US. This was done in Brazil. A place where the rules are a little less strict. You could ask them to sew you a three-headed hell hound if you wanted. An operation the holier than thou doctors in America call unethical. Obviously they don’t realize how awesome and menacing a three-headed Rottweiler could be. I was going to name it “Frickin’ Sweet.” I had the dog tag printed and everything.

Usher abruptly canceled his wedding to Tameka Foster on Saturday. No real reason was given. Some speculate there were too many hurdles like family matters and the event itself while others say Usher changed his mind. In a statement released on Saturday,

“It was announced today that the wedding ceremony for Usher Raymond IV and Tameka Foster was canceled. No additional information will be given regarding the circumstances of the cancellation, but we hope the privacy of this matter will be respected.”

This could have something to do with the report the Enquirer had about Tameka’s “criminal” past. Maybe Usher realized marrying a woman 9 years his elder was gonna be pretty damn boring. In about 10 years, she won’t even want to have sex anymore. She’ll just sit in a rocking chair and complain about needing more absorbent diapers.