Father of the year Ryan O’Neal detailed to Vanity Fair about how he hasn’t seen his daughter Tatum O’Neal in so long that he hit on her at Farrah Fawcett’s funeral.

“I had just put the casket in the hearse and was watching it drive away,” O’Neal, 68, said, “when a beautiful blond woman comes up and embraces me. I said to her, ‘You have a drink on you? You have a car?’ She said, ‘Daddy, it’s me — Tatum!’

“I was just trying to be funny with a strange Swedish woman, and it’s my daughter,” O’Neal said. “It’s so sick.”

Honest mistake. I mean, who hasn’t hit on a chick at a funeral for the girl you tried to marry before her death only to discover that the person you hit on is directly related to you. This happens to me at least once a month.

Tatum O’Neal is changing her story yet again after being caught buying crack. At first, the Oscar winning actress claimed she was researching a role, but now she claims what caused her to relapse was the death of her Scottish terrier.

“I lost my Scottish terrier, Lena,” three weeks ago. “That seemed to set me off.

“She got old. She got cancer. She was the fabric of our family. We had to let her go to heaven. My daughter and I had to put her down. It was too horrible for words.

“I couldn’t get out of it. I was going to my psychiatrist. I was doing everything I could do. I have the disease of alcoholism. It’s lifelong. I treat it every day by going to my 12-step program.”

The “researching a role” excuse was much more clever. Plus, it would have been semi-believable up until people checked IMDB or called her people. Why can’t she come up with something better? Maybe say the voices made her to do it. The dog excuse is just weak. Had she been trapped beneath thousands of pounds of rubble with her dog for two weeks, she would have killed it and ate it. Not only that, she would have asked herself why she didn’t buy a bigger, meatier dog like a St. Bernard. You don’t get depressed to the point of smoking crack over an animal you’d snack on the very next day. I think a nice burial is enough time to mourn. But be sure you finish it up before the neighbor comes back and starts wondering why you’re weeping in their yard.

44-year-old Oscar winning actress Tatum O’Neal (Bad News Bears, Paper Moon) was arrested for buying “cocaine and crack” reports the NY Post [Ed. Note: Isn’t crack and cocaine one in the same?]. She was a few blocks away from her Lower East Side luxury apartment buying from Alan Garcia when police made the bust.

“When the police approached, she asked them, ‘You know who I am, right?’ ” one source told The Post.

“Then she said, ‘I’m researching a part – I’m doing this for a part’ ” as a junkie.

The source said detectives found a pipe on O’Neal, daughter of actor Ryan O’Neal. The pipe and screen were clean.

“Then she said she’d been clean for two years, and that she’d just came out today,” the source said.

“Can’t we just forget about this?” the sources said she begged detectives.

Insulting a cop’s intelligence is always a good way to get out of trouble. One time I was being cuffed and I asked the policeman if he knew who I was. He didn’t. Because he’s ignorant you see? He apologized profusely. Although, I can’t help but think that he was being a little disingenuous because his apology was accompanied by a brutal beating with his baton.

Photo: SplashNewsOnline